A Slay Queens’ Guide To Dating

Dating and kissing frogs isn’t for the faint-hearted. I know that life isn’t fair but the hunt still lives on for a slay queen. Here are a few tips for playing the game like a pro.

Don’t date a guy with worn-out, questionable shoes. It shows that his pockets aren’t deep enough to take care of you as his queen. Furthermore, life isn’t about you waiting for him to get his s#*t together.  Keep the line moving.

Don’t order before he arrives. I’ve learnt from fellow slay queen sisters that this rarely ends. I might have ordered steak and bottle of red wine then I get a text message from him discussing re-scheduling our date. Similarly, what if he ditches me halfway through a chocolate cake dessert with coffee to end the night. Certainly, let no other slay queens get played like that.

No surprise locations maybe he’ll take you somewhere that you just don’t belong. I can’t imagine being taken to a mutura joint wearing a 300K full Brazilian weave on my head. Whilst, trying to balance on a plastic chair with nyama choma served on a chopping board with no cutlery in sight. I mean who does that? I don’t want to leave smelling like smoke.

Make-up is a must. Let a slay queen always stay shiny & ready to slay. Just because you had a breakout last night & you can see a pimple doesn’t mean that you date must suffer through it. Alicia Keys might be make-up free & happy but she ain’t trying to move up in life like you.

I can’t be traipsing up and down in high heels. Even though, I know that they elongate well-toned, melanin-rich legs plus you’ll always have people’s attention. I can make men’s heads turns and tongues wag because men are visual creatures and can’t help themselves. However, I also know that blisters hurt so I’ll always have a second pair of shoes so that I don’t torture myself. 

I know that guys will lace all their words with honey whenever they’re trying to get into your good books. Hence, he needs to be investigated thoroughly and I have to do it creatively and low-key. I know that guys love flossing about whom they know, what they have and how they’d be amazing for you. Research is still a must because I can’t risk putting all my eggs in one basket.

Always keep an eye out for something better. I always keep my eyes peeled open because Mr Right can show up anytime. He might show up in a black Landcruiser while I’m tearing into a juicy mango with juice running down my wrists. eating a juicy mango with your hands and it’s dripping down your wrists. Stay on your guard. Do that stuff at home and don’t embarrass the movement.  

Keep it light. Love is for the birds and I definitely can’t fly. I don’t have time to get caught up in mushy saccharine things associated with love like chatting all night on my Iphone. I need my beauty sleep to conquer the next day. Also, I never seen someone physically eat love so how sweet can it really be. I need to keep it light in case I decide to trade up later in life.