A Slay Queens’ Guide To Getting Famous

Nairobi is hot, dusty and unforgiving especially dressed in six-inch high heels trying to get your hustle off the ground.

A slay queen can’t become famous overnight so here are a few tips on unleashing your inner slayer.

Weaves speak volumes.

Get a silky, long & voluminous hair weave that moves with your head whenever you turn your neck. It arrived in a golden box. Sitting on your head, it makes you feel like a real house-wife married to a famous artist or athlete. Easily snapping your fingers whenever someone doesn’t feel right or someone is being basic with you.

Plastic surgery is no longer a big deal.

Get a little nip & tuck done so younger girls don’t try to steal your crown and glory. If your boobs aren’t perky or your ass isn’t as round and curvy as it used to then find a good plastic surgeon immediately. Change your skin complexion from dark chocolate to a light caramel so that you’re no longer apart of #DarkSkinLivesMatter or #DarkGirlsDoItBetter Twitter conversations. 

Date Someone Famous

Date someone famous and ironically become famous because you’re absorbing all their popularity and using it to your advantage. Just look at your Instagram feed and the ladies trending. Who was spotted where? With whom? & What they wear wearing? Watch yourself glow up because your new bae is your ticket to the finer things in life.

Famous Baby Mama

Become a famous baby mama. I can’t imagine a better dual purpose role. Firstly, you become famous because everyone is curious about you and how you managed to outfox that guy. Secondly, child support can be a second career if he’s out there living large & earning well. Just read up on children’s court & know how to make that man sing for his supper.

Get ‘nice’ pictures taken

Get ‘nice’ pictures taken that’ll help propel your career as a slay queen. ‘Nice’ pictures that can be shared, ogled at, strike controversy and land modelling gigs.

Reality show

Reality show. Imagine a camera following you around all day. Make it juicy & get yourself promoted to the main face of the show. Double that paycheck and use that show to promote your other ventures. You need to be able to slay in your sleep and put money in the bank.

Follow Your Talent

Try singing or acting or modelling. Chase after a career that puts you in the limelight and forces people to reckon with you. If you have a voice then put out a demo cover online & share it widely. If you can act then figure out a way to end up on television alternatively YouTube vloggers can start you off.

Is Being Infamous Such A Bad Thing?

Become infamous. Any publicity is better than no publicity.