You genuinely want to get along with a certain group of individuals in your life. There is another extremely significant relationship that is sometimes overlooked: your spouse and your best friend.
A very significant dynamic that is sometimes neglected is the relationship between your spouse and your best friend.
While there is a lot of attention on your partner getting along with your family and you getting along with your partner’s family, there is another dynamic that is equally as vital.
It’s only logical that you would want these two, who are frequently the most significant individuals in your life, to get along. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
Finding a companion who gets along with your closest buddy might be really difficult.
Even if you and your spouse are married or have children together, there’s a strong probability that your friend has been around far longer than your partner. This can occasionally lead to tension: Your partner can feel intimidated or just not like this person you’ve known for a very long time.
What should you do if your best friend’s partner doesn’t like you? Well, the key is to identify the root of the aversion. What you should know is as follows.
Check to Make Sure There Isn’t a Control Issue
The fact is that not everyone you love and cherish is going to feel the same way about them, and that’s alright.
You need them to be courteous and accepting, but you don’t necessarily need your partner and best friend to become close.
It may still work out just fine if they have only a passing interest in one another.
Pay attention to how your spouse reacts to your buddy and attempt to determine if it’s really simply that you don’t like them.
It’s possible that your spouse has deeper problems and is being too protective of you if they perceive your closest friend as a danger. If you have a feeling that this is the case, the relationship may have deeper, more fundamental issues.
What signs can you look for to confirm this?
If your spouse isn’t crazy about your closest friend, they’ll probably come off as uninterested or, at worst, mildly irritated or upset.
It’s particularly telling if they have a bigger reaction, such as being upset with you for spending time with them or acting intentionally rudely. If so, it reveals a lot about your spouse, and you may need to have a more in-depth discussion about your partnership, independence, and respect.
Try to see things from their perspective.
Even the best friendships are difficult. You may adore each other one minute, irritate each other the next, and then reconcile without batting an eye. Perhaps you’ve been at odds for weeks, or perhaps they’ve severely disappointed you.
When you’re attempting to comprehend your partner’s viewpoint, try to keep in mind all of these subtleties and complexities. Although you might not harbor resentment, your spouse has definitely heard you occasionally vent and express your anger or grief at your closest friend. It’s really difficult to witness someone treating the person you love badly.
It seems reasonable that they could be a little irritated or bristly with this individual because they frequently hear more of the difficult portions than the nice ones.
In light of this, even if you don’t believe your closest friend has acted improperly, it may occasionally be worthwhile to discuss the situation with them. I’ve definitely played the aloof best friend, but as my buddy said that their spouse is a little nervous or timid, I snapped out of it. Talking to your closest friend and urging them to go above and above might help if your spouse finds it tough to open up to people in general.
Set Some Boundaries for Spending Time Together
Even if your spouse doesn’t like your closest buddy, their top goal should be to treat you well, which includes making time for your pal when it makes sense to do so.
That doesn’t mean you should want them to hang together all the time and start inviting your partners to girls’ evenings (that would be odd anyhow), but you should be able to explain to your spouse why it’s essential to you that they attempt to get along.
Actually, your spouse needs to be considerate of it.
Maybe all of your couple friends meet up once a month, maybe you want them to go on a trip with your pals, or maybe it’s simply a matter of being nice and introducing yourself when they run into one other at a party.
Find out how your partner can simplify your life without making them feel uncomfortable by talking to them about it. You ought to be able to compromise in some way.
In a perfect world, you and your best buddy would connect immediately, and you could all run off into the sunset.
Unfortunately, this is very seldom the case.
Try to determine the root of the problem, such as if your spouse is simply being reserved or isn’t truly supportive of your relationship with your best friend, or whether they are feeling threatened by your intimacy with your best friend and there are some control problems at work.
You should be able to communicate with your spouse and find common ground as long as it’s just a simple case of not getting along.
They don’t have to be your best friend’s best friend, but they do have to treat you well, which includes being kind and hospitable when you need it.
Content courtesy of Brides & NFH