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Saturday 3rd of June 2023

Nairobi, Kenya

Tag: relationship

Romantic Messages: Love Messages That Will Definitely Touch Her Heart and Drive Her Crazy In Love with You Immediately

Posted on by Resident Sex Columnist Adviser

Messages, whether transmitted verbally or through text, are one of the most basic and efficient forms of communication: This is an undeniable fact. Not only that, though.
A lover’s sweet words are divine and reviving to the receiver, like a cold stream in a dry desert.
Love is a power that exists everywhere; it is a circular process that involves both intention and action. If you must love, then you must stretch yourself to meet the needs of your beloved by adapting your communication.
She can start her day off right and know you’re thinking of her with a simple “good morning” text, for instance.

  1. What gift can I give to the girl who made me so happy and made my life worth living? I can only repay her by being her prince charming. I am the luckiest man in this game of love.
  2. I thought sunrises and sunsets were beautiful. But ever since I met you, I have rediscovered the meaning of breathtaking. A beauty so rare and so divine, you can never comprehend it.
  3.  I don’t want to think about how life would be without you. What I know for sure is that I can’t go on without you. If you ever decide to leave, please know I am coming with you. We have each other for life.
  4. Like a fish cannot live without water, I can’t live without you. You are the air I breathe. You are the reason for my existence. I will cherish every second I have with you.
  5. My life was meaningless without you, but you have given me another lease on life. Now, even sitting with you in silence, my heart is at rest. Being with you is enough for me.
  6. You have stolen my heart and made it your own, and I have become a sucker for your love. For all this, my dear, all I can say is thank you, for I can never repay you.
  7. You are the love of my life. You swept me off my feet and gave my life new meaning. Everything that is mine is now yours. You have all of me, and I need all of you.
  8. There is nothing that could put into perspective what I feel for you. You put inside me; a spring of life that is ever-flowing. You and I will last till the end of time. Life knew you were the best gift for me, and there is nothing more I could ask of you.
  9. Lady luck smiled at me, and I cannot trade what you make me feel for anything in the world. I have no use for gold and silver, as long as I have you, baby. You are more than enough for me.
  10. I loved others before I met you, and I always thought it was true love. But thanks to you, I know the taste of true love. You are my soulmate.
  11. My love, no one lights me up or gets me high on life as you do. Thank you for being so gentle, caring, and kind. What would I do without you?
  12. Never in my wildest dream did I ever see myself falling for someone so deep. Over the years, you have become an integral part of our family. To me, you are a gift that comes once in a lifetime.
  13. I hope you remember every day that you matter and that you can achieve all you set your mind to do. I say this in complete confidence because I have seen you transform my life. I love you so much.
  14. Roses are red, violets are blue, and my love for you is firm like glue. Looking back, I can only be immensely grateful for standing by my side and being the support system I never had when growing up.
  15. When I think about you, my mind is overwhelmed with happy thoughts about our future family. Our kids will have the best mom in the world, and for that, I envy you.
  16. All I will ever need is you. Just to have you by my side whether, in the scorching sun or winter, I can weather anything with you next to me.
  17. Even at 50, we will still be young and energetic at heart. I lost count of the kisses, hugs, and good times we’ve had, and all I can do is hope we make new and better memories. Thank you, love.
  18. Like the ocean ravages the shores with its waves, your love has destroyed the walls around my heart. I was walking and living in the darkness until you came around like a bright light and opened my eyes. I am proud to be called yours.
  19. I want to remind you that you are the most affectionate person I know, and you should never change for anything or anyone. I believe in you, and I hope all your dreams come to pass.
  20. You are like a song on the radio that plays on repeat and gets me smiling every time. If you were an animal, you’d be a unicorn because creatures like you don’t come by easily. Keep glowing, my love.
  21. What did I ever do to deserve someone so passionate about life, loving, and hardworking? You challenge and motivate me to become a better person, and I would like to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you so much.
  22. The first time I set my eyes on you was the beginning of a magical journey. You are the best decision I ever made, and I pray that God gives us the grace to live and abound in this love.
  23. Oh, what a wonder! To have someone bring so much joy to your life. I think about you all the time, not because you make the best pancakes, but because there is no one else for me but you. I love and cherish you.
  24. If too much love could kill. I would have been dead by now. My whole being beams with love for you. A love that I know from deep down will never die.
  25. I wish you could peep inside my heart to discover the overflow of my love for you. I would gladly confess my love to everyone. You have become all I need, all I will ever need.
  26. My sunshine, I pray that you will always shine my way. You are such an angel, a beauty to behold. I can’t believe my lucky star, and I keep pinching myself to be sure I am not dreaming. I am so glad I found you.
  27. Every time you are away from me, I can’t wait to see you again. A few minutes apart feels like forever. I want you with me always because I can never get enough of you.
  28. Where did you touch me? What spell did you cast on me? I pray that the feelings you brought last forever. I would beg you not to change anything. I want to be in love with you forever.
  29. I want to lie beside you, go for endless walks, stare into your starry eyes, snuggle next to you, and kiss you every hour of the day. I can’t wait to hear you say that you will be mine.
  30. I can’t wait to make you a part of me forever so that when I fall asleep, you are the last person I see and the first person I kiss when I wake up. I want to behold your beauty and drink from your cup of love.
  31. I never knew a love so deep existed: A love that can move mountains: A love that sees no barriers but only bliss and excitement. Please stay and make me feel this way forever.
  32. I can’t sleep, and just a few bites of my favorite meal now satiate me. Thinking of you gets me satisfied in ways I never imagined. I indescribably love you.
  33. You have made me blind, and no one compares or comes near to your beauty, my love. No matter how hard they try, this love is reserved for you only. Thank you.
  34. As I lay down on my bed, gazing at the roof, I think of you from miles away, and I can’t wait for the days you will sleep by my side forever. I want to make you mine so badly.
  35. I wish to open my heart for you to see the depth and breadth of my love for you. A love that keeps on growing so much that I fear for my sanity. But I would choose to go mad than not have you.
  36. As you sit across me, knowing we are about to part ways, I already miss what we shared over the years. It gets deeper every second because you are the best thing that happened to me. Being away from you will be torturous, but I hope we will reunite soon.
  37. If skipping a beat would kill someone, I would have died a long time ago. Every time I see you, every time I hear your voice, my heart splutters with joy.
  38. If too much love could kill. I would have been dead by now. Each time I think of you, my heart beams with love for you. A love that I know will never die. I love you, my queen.
  39. When I wake up in the morning, and before I fall asleep at night, all I think about is you. But even during the time in between, you are still on my mind.
  40. Have I told you yet? I would do anything for you, my baby. I delight in seeing you happy and peaceful, and I would go to great extremes to make that happen. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.
  41. I would go to the ends of the world for you to prove my love for you. I promise to love you with everything I have. And even when our time comes, we will rest together eternally.
  42. I assumed I could only find true love in a perfect woman. Then I met you and realized I was wrong. I love you with all your imperfections, yet you are still perfect for me.
  43. I love you more each day. My heart grows fonder every minute. I am so glad to have you. Thank you for making life bearable and worth living.
  44. Nothing could ever separate me from you, regardless of what anyone says about you. Nothing, including old age, will ever come between us. Only death will separate us, and even then, we have the hope to see each other in the eternal realm.
  45. All my life, I never believed in love at first sight, but you made it a reality for me. The first time I set my eyes on you, I knew my life would change for good. Because of you, I am living in the magic called love.
  46. They say time heals, but it didn’t heal my wounds. You are the one who made me whole again, and I will forever be indebted to you, my love. Thank you.
  47. What more could I ask but to gaze into your beautiful eyes forever? Your contagious smile melts my heart and my hands to embrace you forever.
  48. No matter what is happening in life, thinking about you gets me at ease. The fact that you love me despite all my shortcomings is divine. Just thinking of you dissipates all my worries. I love you.
  49. All I could ever need is in you. I want to have you by my side till the end of time. Thank you for the good times, and stay hopeful for the bright future ahead.
  50. I have become a fool for you. I say your name everywhere I go. People are getting tired of me talking about you all the time, but I don’t care one bit. It doesn’t matter if they all leave, as long as I have you for life.

  51. If you ask me when I want to be with you, my answer will be – now and forever.

  52. No matter what has happened. No matter what you’ve done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you.

  53. My love for you is undoubtedly the only thing that will never end. You make me feel the best I’ve ever felt, and I’ll forever treasure it.

  54. You make my dreams come true and are the best thing God has ever given me. I will always love you.

  55.  I want you in my life today, tomorrow, and forever.

  56. Your love is a drug, and I never want to recover from it.

  57. I love you- this is the least I can say. I wish I could do more to show what I really feel for you.
  58. If you ask me to make a last wish, it would be to go on like this, holding your hands in mine, till my last breath.
  59. Nothing can explain fully how fortunate I am to have you in my life. I am forever grateful to God for blessing me with an angel like you! Love you sincerely.
  60. The world is on one side, and you, my love, are on the other side. I will choose you no matter what.
  61. I want to be with you always and forever. Nothing in this world can replace you in my heart.
  62. Loving you is the only thing that makes my life worth living. The world might call me crazy, but I’m glad to be crazy about you! My sweetheart, I love you!
  63. Saying it a thousand times won’t be enough to express my feelings toward you, but I’m going to keep saying it nevertheless- I love you! I will keep loving you till the end of my days, no matter what lies ahead of us.
  64. I now understand what happiness feels like. It’s you and everything about you; your goddess face, mellow voice, kind heart, and gentle, warm hands. Honey, I really do mean it. You make me happy.
  65. You are the happiness in my sorrowful life. You are the reason I can smile. You are the most precious person in my life now and forever.

  66. I have fallen in love many times. But every time, it was with you!

  67. Everything feels empty when you are not around, but our love is what keeps me going. Miss you, babe.

  68. We might be miles apart, but our souls are right next to each other- that’s how strong our love is, darling.

  69. I never knew what real love would be like until I met you. You taught me how to love, how to show how I feel, how to care, and how to be responsible. Now I feel like I have everything I need in life. I love you, and words won’t ever be enough to thank you for all you have done for me. May this go on forever.

  70. Falling in love with you was the happiest incident of my life. You loved me, stood by my side, and turned me into the person I am today. I am just so lucky to have you, darling, and I am never letting you go.

  71. I am lucky enough to get a person like you in my life who gives me a thousand reasons to smile every day. You are so precious, my handsome.

  72. If there’s one thing in this world I’m afraid to lose, it’s you. I am so in love with you that I can’t afford to lose you!

  73. You don’t know how blessed I am to have you in my life. You have given a new meaning in my life. You are the reason for my smile and my happiness. I love you endlessly!

  74. I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and forever it will stay.

  75. I am so lost in loving you that I don’t know the right words to express what I feel for you. No words can describe my love for you! No language can express how much I love you.

  76. Your love is everything that keeps me alive and makes me feel complete. I love you!

  77. Words are not enough to say thanks to you for being with me. You are the kindest soul who makes my life beautiful and loved.

  78. My greatest fantasies are the ones that start with you and end with you. I love you truly madly and deeply!

  79. Thank you for being my wife; thanks for giving me many reasons to live my life to the fullest. You are my perfect one.

  80. Waking up next to you every day is nothing but a pure blessing. Thank you for being my husband.

  81. If I get paid for loving you, I would be a millionaire by now!

  82. You are the only reason why I survive; I love you so so much honey!

  83. Sweetheart, I wish I could make you as happy as you make me. Love you.

  84. When someone asks me if I have something in my life worth fighting for, I think of your face right away. I would fight alone and win a war just for you. You make me want to live. I love you so much!

  85. Life without you is impossible. Life after you is unimaginable. Even after death, I want our souls to be reunited!

  86. My love for you is deeper than the ocean and wider than the sky. Nobody can measure it, but you know how much I love you.

  87. You are just so beautiful, both inside and outside. I must be so lucky that I could find you in this big world and make you mine.

  88. An hour would feel like a minute when we’re together. But when we are apart, a minute will feel like an hour!

  89. Your heart is so full of love, and I’m lucky enough to find a place there. Love you, honey.

  90. If you were a book, I would read you over and over again. That is how much I love you my prettiness.

  91. It takes great luck to have someone like you as a girlfriend. I feel blessed every day and every moment for this gift.

  92. I will love you till my last breath, no matter what life brings before us!

  93. My love for you is always growing stronger, and I’m slowly losing myself deeper into it.

  94. Your love is the source of my happiness. Please never leave me alone. I cannot imagine a single day without you.

  95. I could use a thousand words to express my love for you and how beautiful you are, but that still wouldn’t be enough. Each day, I love you more.

  96. The more I love you, the more I think it’s less. You always deserve all the love in this world.

  97. I don’t know what you have that always draws me to you. I love you so much. I can’t live a minute without you.

  98. I am really blessed to have you in my life. I love you so much, sweetheart!

  99. The most beautiful thing that ever happened to me is YOU. I love you so much, babe!

  100. You make me feel alive every moment. You are the reason behind every joy and every smile of my life. You’re the most amazing girl that I can spend the rest of my life with. Thanks for being mine. I love you so deeply!

  101. No matter how busy I am, my heart never forgets to remind me of you. I love you, baby.

  102. The more days go by, the more I fall in love with you. You are the Queen of my heart.

  103. I never thought I’d run into someone like you. I never thought that a woman is as wonderful as you would like someone like me. But it all makes me realize that real love does exist and that I am lucky to have it.

  104. You gave me a reason to live, dream, and fight. You make my days worth living. Thank you for being the only person who understands me!

  105. I don’t want the world, I don’t want the skies, I don’t want the moon, I just want you in my share. Love you a lot, my love!

  106. I can’t stop loving you because it’s the only thing I’m good at and the only reason I was sent here on earth. I love you!

  107. Your presence in my life is a lifetime blessing. You’re the gift that I never dared to ask for. The love you have given me is more than I could ever imagine.

  108. Sometimes it feels like I’m having a dream, but then I realize it’s all real and I’m one lucky fellow in this beautiful world. Thank you for being mine!

  109. I thank god every day because he answered my prayer and gave me the most gorgeous woman in the world. I can’t help myself from falling in love with you every day!

  110. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known. I love you more than anything else in life! I feel like the luckiest woman I have you in my life. May God bless you and us together.

  111. Your smile is the reward I want to get every day. It is the only thing that keeps me breathing beautifully.

  112. You light up my world like nobody else, and I love that about you the most, sweetie. Tons of love.

  113. No matter how my day has been, all my anger and sadness seem to disappear as soon as I see you. I’m both glad and thankful to have you in my life.

  114. Thanks for rocking my world in every possible way. Love you to the moon and back, queen.

  115. By holding your hands tightly, I get the strength of conquering all my life problems. Stay with me always.

  116. You have everything in you to be loved, to be adored, and to be pampered. I’ll always give my best to make you feel special. I love you!

  117. Wish I could show you how much you mean to me. You’re the one with whom I can fall in love over and over again.

  118. The beauty in your eyes and the innocence in your face drive me crazy all the time. I want you in my life today, tomorrow, and forever.

  119. I heard from somewhere that the best way to figure out how important someone is to you is to try to picture your life without them. Well, you seem to be the most important person to me because I can’t imagine my life without you at all.

  120. As the flower needs the sunshine, I need you in my life. You make me bloom. You are the person I want to spend my life with.

  121. I know our lives have pain and trouble. But when I am with you, I forget all the bad experiences. I want to walk with you on the shore holding your hand. I want to live a fairytale life with you. I want you by my side always.

Content courtesy of Hack Strive & NFH

Why Do Men Cheat?

Posted on by Resident Sex Columnist Adviser

Cheating can be extremely detrimental and damaging to a relationship, as it can break down the trust, honesty, and respect that are at the core of any successful and long-term relationship. And while it’s important to recognize the warning signs that your man may be cheating on you, such as he acts out of character, he desperately wants his privacy, and he suddenly cares more about his looks, it’s equally important to understand the underlying reasons why men are unfaithful in the first place.

It’s no secret that men are far more likely to cheat on their partners than women are. If you need any proof of this and you probably don’t consider that the vast majority of Ashley Madison’s 37 million “active” users were overwhelmingly male. (Like, 99.99999 percent male.) And, more recently, a 2015 YouGov poll found that 21 percent of men (compared to 19 percent of women) had actually admitted to cheating in the past. But the question remains: why do men cheat?

Here are 15 reasons that may lead a man to cheat:

1. An ex walked back into the picture.

It’s the tale as old as time: the one that got away. “A lot of times when we’re in a rough spot in our current relationship,” says Shirey, “we tend to disqualify the good.”

And when an ex shows up, “we remember that spark.” So you’ve got a situation where he’s ignoring the good parts about his current relationship and ignoring the bad parts the parts that likely led to the breakup in the first place of his old relationship. That’s a recipe for disaster.

2. He’s immature

One of the main reasons why men cheat is simply a matter of immaturity. When a man is immature, this unappealing attribute can impact a relationship in many different ways. For example, men who are immature often put themselves first in most situations, don’t take into consideration their partner’s feelings, insist on being right even when they’re wrong, and are characteristically unreliable and irresponsible. To that end, being immature is also heavily related to acting impulsively, as most men who are immature tend to give in to their basic temptations and desires without a care or concern for the repercussions of their actions and the possible negative effects that their behavior can have on others.

3. His emotional needs aren’t being met

Another primary reason why men cheat pertains to their emotional needs and desires. In fact, it’s been shown that nearly 50 percent of men who cheat do so because they feel emotionally unfulfilled, unhappy, and unsatisfied in their relationship. In other words, men cheat in order to feel valued and emotionally supported, both of which they may not sense they receive from their partner.

And rather than finding ways to have their emotional needs met in their current relationship, such as by frequently communicating with their partner, openly discussing their feelings and concerns, as well as having realistic and sensible expectations of their significant other, these men often seek out another person (or people) who can provide them with the emotional satisfaction, support, and empathy that they believe they’re lacking.

Whether men are looking to feel appreciated and desired or are simply searching for a shoulder to cry on, a lack of emotional fulfillment is powerful enough to drive men to cheat. It should be noted that less than 15 percent of men rated the women they were cheating with as more beautiful and physically appealing than their current partner, which again underscores that men cheat in large part due to a strong emotional connection with someone else.

4. His physical needs aren’t being met

When looking more closely at the real reasons why men cheat, a lack of sexual fulfillment in his current relationship is also a key underlying factor behind a man’s infidelity. Specifically, a study in the International Journal of Sexual Health revealed that one of the major motivators in a man’s decision to start an affair was his desire for sexual satisfaction that was lacking or completely absent from his present relationship. With this in mind, it’s not too surprising that an additional sign that a man may be cheating is that he stops being physically intimate with his partner since his sexual needs are being met by someone new.

Along these lines, men reported that sexual curiosity was a major incentive to cheat, as it’s not only a search for physical gratification that impelled them to be unfaithful but also a strong desire for new sexual experiences that are more alluring and appealing. It’s also interesting to note that men are more likely to cheat because of unmet sexual needs than women.

5. He’s insecure

When a man is insecure, he may feel unworthy of being with his partner, he may constantly worry about his partner’s continued interest level, and he may continually need reassurance, support, and approval from his partner in a wide range of circumstances. Typically, insecure men are typically very needy, and they incessantly seek out validation in order to prove to their partners, and more importantly themselves, that they’re good enough. With this in mind, research has found that men who are insecure in their relationships are more likely to cheat, as noted in a study in the Journal of Family Psychology.

In other words, because of a man’s insecurities, lack of confidence, and underlying fears that he’s not good enough, he ends up looking for reassurance and affirmations of self-worth from others, both in and out of his relationship. In fact, an insecure man may be so worried about the state of his relationship that his fear of losing his partner can actually induce him to cheat, which in essence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In a word, his lack of confidence ends up destroying the very foundation of the relationship he’s worried about losing.

6. He’s an egomaniac

On the flip side, while insecure men are likely to cheat, so too are men with an overblown sense of importance and self-worth. Specifically, egomaniacs believe that the entire world revolves around them, and not only do they think that they’re incredibly attractive, smart, successful, and talented, but they’ll be the first ones to tell you that. And when looking at egomaniacs in terms of infidelity, it’s interesting to note that their inordinately inflated sense of self in conjunction with their desire to be the focus of attention makes them likely candidates to cheat on their partner.

In one study, research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that married men who are sexual narcissists, meaning that they only care about their own physical needs and lack any real concern or interest in their partner’s wants and desires, are more likely to have affairs. In other words, narcissistic and self-aggrandizing men who believe their needs should always take precedence over the needs of others are more likely to seek satisfaction, praise, and attention outside of their relationship.

7. His father was a cheater

When looking at the real reasons why men cheat, there’s also evidence that cheating can run in the family. Specifically, cheating can actually be a learned behavior that boys pick up during childhood. In fact, it’s been shown that men are more likely to cheat if their fathers were cheaters, as noted in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. This is due to the fact that during childhood, men look to their fathers as examples and role models of what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors aren’t. And when they see their father cheat, this type of behavior is ingrained into their own minds and becomes normalized as a way to deal with certain circumstances and relationship issues.

To that end, the example set by their fathers is how young boys learn to deal with many different situations, and they’ll likely mimic their father’s behavior in the future because it’s all they know. It’s also interesting to note that women in this study were not more likely to cheat if their fathers were cheaters, which highlights just how important a father’s role is in terms of shaping the future actions of his son.

8. His friends are cheaters

But the powerful role that friendship can play regarding a man’s propensity to cheat doesn’t stop there, as his friends can also highly influence his future behavior and rational decision-making. Along these lines, a study in the Journal of Consumer Research revealed a person’s friends can heavily impact his or her decision to give in to temptation, as friends are more likely to band together when they decide to act impulsively and irrationally. In other words, there’s power in numbers, and if your man surrounds himself with friends who make poor decisions, such as being unfaithful, he’s more likely to make similarly poor decisions due to their influence.

9. He’s being cheated on

An additional reason why men cheat is simply due to the fact that their partner is cheating on them. And under this kind of distressing circumstance, many men look outside of their relationship as a way to seek revenge and get back at their partner for committing this offense against them. In addition, these men also start affairs in order to regain a sense of power and control after being the victim of infidelity. It’s also been shown that men who are being cheated on engaging in their own indiscretions as a way to distract themselves from the pain, betrayal, shame, and/or anger that they may feel because of their cheating partner. And starting an affair can help them refocus their energy and divert their attention away from their partner’s hurtful actions.

However, for many men, this approach is typically not the best course of action when dealing with a cheating partner because it can actually make them feel worse about themselves and the situation in general. After all, men who start an affair in reaction to their partner’s affair often end up undercutting their self-esteem even more by engaging in behaviors that go against their personal values, ethics, and morals.

10. He’s worried about his sexual performance

While it may seem counter-intuitive, men who have anxiety about their sexual abilities are actually more likely to cheat on their partner. In fact, researchers from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, as well as the University of Guelph in Ontario found that men who had sexual performance issues had a greater likelihood of being unfaithful.

One explanation for this seemingly conflicting result is that men are less inhibited when they’re with someone who isn’t their partner, and they tend to feel less nervous, worried, and concerned about their performance with this new person. Along these lines, another explanation is that cheating provides men with the opportunity to be with someone who isn’t aware of their past sexual performance issues, and being with this new person can actually help to lower the pressure to perform and please this new person. It’s also thought that men with sexual performance problems cheat in order to help themselves overcome these sexual issues in an environment that’s free of the judgment, ridicule, and/or embarrassment they may feel when they’re with their partner.

11. He’s feeling depressed or anxious.

Everyone experiences depressed feelings and anxiety to a certain degree. The issue is whether or not those thoughts come from the relationship. “If he’s feeling lonely within his relationship, emasculated in some way, or angry with his partner,” says Laurel Steinberg, PhD, a New York-based relationship therapist and professor of psychology at Columbia University, it could certainly lead a man to cheat. However, “it’s important to note that cheating [tends to] exacerbate existing anxiety and depression.” Thus, the circle remains unbroken.

12. Evolution is to blame.

There’s that old adage, where every man wants to sleep with as many women as possible “spread his seed,” so to speak and every woman wants to find one mate “lock him down.” We’re writers, not evolutionary psychologists, and cannot possibly hope to speak about the truth of that thinking, so we’ll let Shirey take it away: “There are some theories out of evolutionary psychology.

The theory is that, because women only have a chance of reproduction once a month, they tend to be much more discriminating in choosing a partner. Whereas men can basically have a chance of reproduction every time they ejaculate.”

13. He has potential psychopathic tendencies.

As Shirey mentioned, most people don’t wake up with the malicious intent to betray or hurt their partner. Well, most. “Maybe it’s a personality disorder, or are deeply anti-social, or have narcissistic tendencies,” says Shirey. Whatever the reason, “they need to address it themselves.” Until that happens, this man will hurt any- and everyone romantically involved with him. Run.

14. He’s addicted to sex.

“In very few instances, there are people who have a legitimate sex addiction,” says Shirey. Sex triggers dopamine receptors the pleasure center of the brain. And like anything else that triggers dopamine see: cocaine, heroin it can be addictive. For some people, dopamine activates more from sex than from other things. “A lot of people try to use it as a cop-out, though,” says Shirey. Fellas, don’t do that. Remember: “very few instances.”

15. Poor judgment and willpower are at fault.

“You’re more likely to put yourself in a situation where infidelity could occur if you’re not happy in your relationship,” says Mark. Whether you’re agreeing to tequila shots at a club with your buddies or, even more dangerous, agreeing to one-on-one happy hour with that cute new associate in accounting people who are committed to and satisfied with their relationship will avoid those scenarios. ‘

If he actively and repeatedly decides to engage in risky situations, something’s up. “People know the consequences of infidelity,” says Mark. “It’s not a secret. It does tear couples apart.”

Where Do We Go from Here?

Interestingly, after working with hundreds of couples attempting to process and overcome a male (or female) partner’s cheating, it is clear to me that it’s not any specific sexual act that does the most damage to a committed relationship. It’s the ongoing pattern of secrets and lies that surrounds the cheating that causes a loving partner the most pain. The profound and repeated betrayal of relationship trust causes the most pain. And most cheated-on partners will agree that their feelings of being betrayed are just as profound when a loved one is giving himself away online as when there is alive, in-vivo affair.

Sadly, most men (and women) who choose to break a vow of monogamy to an intimate partner don’t realize the profound effects their behavior can have on that loved one. One important recent study found that the wives of men who’ve discovered a pattern of infidelity in their partners often experience acute stress symptoms similar to those found in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Unsurprisingly, the emotional damage caused by infidelity can be difficult to overcome, even with the help of an experienced marriage or couples counselor. That said if both partners are committed to behavior change and healing, most relationships can be saved, even strengthened, after and despite an affair. For some wives and spouses, however, the repeated violation of trust is too much; they are unable to experience the necessary emotional safety required to rebuild a relationship and move on. In such cases, solid, neutral relationship therapy can help to help negotiate a break-up, offering direction for both individuals to move on with their lives.

Content courtesy of The List, Best life Online, Psychology Today & Nairobi fashion hub 

 

Why Do Women Cheat?

Posted on by Resident Sex Columnist Adviser

In the past, there have been more significant differences in the reasons why men cheat and why women cheat, with men cheating more for sexual variety and women cheating more because of relationship dissatisfaction. But nowadays, that gender gap in infidelity is closing: Men and women cheat for many of the same reasons and at similar rates.

Take, for instance, a research study out of The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, which surveyed 918 men and women with an average age of 31 and found that “there were no significant gender differences in the report of infidelity (23% of men vs. 19% of women).”  Then there’s the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey (GSS), which found that women between the ages of 18 and 29 were more likely to cheat than men of the same age group (11% vs. 10%). Further data out of the GSS showed that the percentage of women who cheat rose nearly 40% from 1990 to 2010, while men’s adultery rate held steady at 21%.

The reason for the uptick in women who cheat? Some attribute it to the increased responsibilities (and therefore increased needs and wants) of the modern woman, as they shoulder the traditionally female duties of housekeeping and child-rearing along with the added demands of a career.

Empowered by feminist viewpoints and financial freedom, modern women are less likely to compromise and better positioned to seek out the emotional and sexual gratification that’s missing in their relationship. “Women want what they were supposed to get from marriage in the 1950s house, kids, stability, security,” says Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW. “They also want to be loved, respected, and desired, and for their partners to be interested in and to care about their thoughts, feelings, and ideas.”

The question still remains: Why do women cheat? Read on for 10 common reasons why women cheat, plus expert insight that may help explain the motivation behind their behavior. Of course, every situation is unique, but these explanations may help you better understand the mindset of women who cheat.

Here are 15 reasons that may lead a woman to cheat:

1. Dealing With Low Self-Esteem

When a woman is struggling with low self-worth, it may spur them to look to external sources for the attention and validation that they and their partner are unable to create and sustain. A woman who cheats may rely on affairs to provide them with proof of their value or desirability, or to give their life meaning. When one fling ends, it may cause them to feel neglected or worthless, so they pursue a new romantic interest and the cycle continues.

2. Feel Emotionally Starved

While studies suggest that men who cheat are primarily motivated by sex, women who cheat tend to do so to fill an emotional need. And in the case of an emotional affair, sex isn’t part of the equation at all. Whether the affair is physical or emotional in nature, a woman may cheat because they crave conversation, empathy, respect, devotion, adoration, support, or some other connection that’s lacking in their current relationship.

3. Expressing Anger and Retribution

Some women enter into a relationship with an idealized image of how their spouse should behave as a parent, a partner, a professional, or some other role. When the partner falls short of expectations, it can create a divide in the relationship that provides the impetus to stray.

“Some women expect their partner to meet their every need and desire (even when they don’t bother to share what those needs and desires are),” says Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW. “When their partner inevitably fails them, these women will sometimes turn to someone else.” Some women may resent their partner for another reason, such as a partner’s past affair, and use their own infidelity as retaliation.

4. Craving Excitement

You’ve likely heard of the term serial cheaters people who cheat for the thrill of it. Women can be thrill-seekers, too. They may love their S.O. but yearn for those endorphin-fueled interactions that make a new relationship so exciting.

In fact, in a study helmed by Eric Anderson, the chief science officer at the affair dating website AshleyMadison.com, it was found that 67% of heterosexual, married women who cheat sought out “romantic passion,” yet 100% of the women denied any intention of leaving their husbands; some even “stated their overt love for their husbands, painting them in a positive light.”

5. Feel Sexually Deprived

Try as we might to keep the spark alive, the excitement that accompanies a new relationship only lasts so long. “The most predictable thing about a relationship is that, the longer it progresses, the quality and the frequency of sex between the couple will fade,” continues Anderson. “This is because we get used to and bored of the same body.”

It’s not surprising, then, that some women who cheat are missing those thrilling hallmarks of a relationship’s beginning stages when passion and intrigue have yet to give way to routine and familiarity.

6. Lonely

A woman who cheats may have a partner who works long hours, leaving them home with the kids all day. Perhaps they’ve found themselves in a stage in life when it’s harder to make friends, or maybe their S.O. is contending with a chronic illness.

Whatever the reason, loneliness can cause us to “distort our perceptions such that we view ourselves, our lives, and our relationships more negatively which in turn, influences our behavior in damaging ways,” notes Guy Winch Ph.D. This can lead a woman to cheat, as these feelings of isolation and disengagement cause them to look for companionship outside of their primary relationship.

7. Lack a Secure Attachment Style

Attachment theory suggests that early childhood relationships influence how we perceive and behave in our intimate relationships as adults. Depending on the care and nurturing (or lack thereof) that one receives as a child, they’ll fall into one of three attachment styles as adults: secure (having well-adjusted expectations and approaches to relationships), anxious (exhibiting fear of abandonment), or avoidant (preferring to retain their independence from others).

Women who identify with the latter two “insecure” attachment styles are more likely to display characteristics think clinginess and dismissiveness that interfere with a healthy romantic relationship. Moreover, they’re more likely to cheat, as they seek out reassurance from a third-party partner or attempt to avoid the intimacy of the primary relationship.

8. Going Through a Mid-Life Crisis

While mid-life crises generally affect people between the ages of 35 and 60, the event, which often presents as a period of existential self-evaluation, has less to do with age than extenuating circumstances. Major life events, such as the death of a parent or a milestone birthday, may trigger a mid-life crisis in a woman, causing them to wrestle with the burden of greatness; that is, the socio-cultural expectation that women can and should “have it all” a successful career, a loving partner, adoring children, and so on.

“Events that make you change your viewpoint about yourself or life, that exhilarate and expand you or throw you a little off-balance, can lead to seizing a new love or trying another man on for size,” notes Carol Botwin her book Tempted Women: The Passions, Perils, and Agonies of Female Infidelity. A woman may act out of character as they attempt to realize their potential and make up for a lost time. These actions can include infidelity, as a woman who cheats goes outside their primary relationship in search of happiness and personal fulfillment.

9. Contending With an Underlying Condition

According to Joel Block, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychology at Hofstra Northwell School of Medicine, depression, and infidelity go hand in hand. “An affair is exciting, so much so that the brain can begin to pump out dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin neurotransmitters we produce when we’re attracted to someone, but which, not so coincidentally, are the same chemicals produced when we take antidepressants,” he says.

In other words, a woman who cheats is self-medicating through their infidelity, even if they don’t realize the true reason behind their pleasure.

10. Opportunity Arose

Very few acts of infidelity are premeditated, asserts Isadora Alman, board-certified sex, marriage, and family therapist with more than 35 years’ worth of professional experience. ” Those who cheat do so usually because they weren’t actively looking for it,” she says. “The opportunity was there with a workmate, a classmate, someone in their social circle or at the gym, for instance.”

Similar opportunities exist in the digital realm, too. Social media, dating apps, and texting have revolutionized the ease at which we can connect with others, so it’s no surprise that these platforms often serve as a springboard for affairs even if the interactions start innocently, without the intent of something illicit. What’s more, women are generally more active on social media than men (although men are starting to close the gap).

11. Women cheat for sex

“Women appreciate good sex just like anyone else,” Nelson says. “Women cheat when they find a man or woman that turns them on.” If anyone tells you men cheat for sex and women cheat for emotion, she adds, they’re wrong. A recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that, although men are still more likely to cheat for sexual variety, it’s still among the top three reasons women cheat.

12. Unhappy with their current relationship

The same study found another top reason women cheat is that they’ve fallen out of love with their current primary partner. Even if the love is still there, in general, a woman who’s unhappy in her relationship may be more inclined to cheat. Whether because of anger, home, financial problems, family trouble the list goes on they may feel cheating will offer them what their current relationship isn’t.

“Women cheat because the relationship at home is cooling off,” Nelson says. “If there is tension or boredom at home, excitement on the side can be a distraction, a temptation too great to avoid.”

13. The new person made them feel special

Sometimes people cheat because the new person gave them a new feeling or made them feel like someone else. “Women report that an affair lover makes them feel special, sexy, and adored, and that attention is hard to ignore, no matter what their spouse does at home,” Nelson says.

14. It was just a mistake

The third top reason for women cheating, according to the study? It was just situational. Things like being drunk and “not thinking clearly.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes, affairs happen because of opportunity,” Nelson adds. “Women can act impulsively and then regret it.” In other words, it’s entirely possible there isn’t much deeper meaning aside from an opportunity that they weren’t able to pass up at the moment.

15. They want a breakup or a change

Sometimes people cheat because they want their relationship to end, and cheating seems like an easier way to break it than to directly confront their partner. But Nelson also points out that sometimes people cheat because they want something in their current relationship to change: “Women cheat to get out of a marriage, or to stay in one,” she says.

Who cheats more men or women?

Research suggests that men are more likely to cheat in committed relationships. One 2016 study suggests that on average, 20% of men have cheated versus 13% of women. Interestingly, women in the 18-29 age group actually cheated slightly more than men. Though as the years go on, fewer women cheat while more men cheat, and the gap gets wider over time.

Content courtesy of Bed Bible, My Domaine, Mind Body Green & Nairobi fashion hub

 

Why Married People Cheat and Common Causes of Infidelity in a Marriage

Posted on by Resident Sex Columnist Adviser

Infidelity is one of the most distressing things you can experience in a romantic relationship. Here’s why lovers are motivated to be unfaithful, There are many causes of infidelity in a marriage, but among our modern society of instant gratification, these are the most common.

Is infidelity the chicken or the egg? Is it caused by a loveless marriage or rather by a marriage partner who is unwilling to commit and work through problems?

Infidelity is costly it can lead to tears, break-ups, divorces, and even violence. So why do people do it?

The question haunts lovers and fascinates researchers, with a recent study offering some sobering findings: You could be doing everything right and your partner could still be tempted to cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the quality of feelings you share.

The following are some of my thoughts on the causes of infidelity in marriage:

1. Lack of love

Feeling that your partner is not “The One” for you. No longer feeling passionate love or even falling out of love. Perceiving the relationship to be boring, dull, or stagnant. “Lack of love is a powerful motivation it’s definitely one of the stronger ones,” Selterman noted.

2. Sexual desire

Feeling unsatisfied with the sex life you have in your relationship, perhaps because your partner has lost interest or you want to try something new that your partner can’t give you. “We also found people might be motivated to test the waters with regards to their own orientation or identity,” he said.

3. Neglect

Feeling that your partner is not paying enough attention to you or not spending enough time with you. Not feeling appreciated.

4. Situation

When you’re in a different setting or not quite yourself perhaps when you’re on vacation, drunk, or under a lot of stress you may have a momentary urge to sexually explore that would not necessarily be part of your stable, everyday behavior. “Landmark events,” such as an upcoming 40th birthday, may also lead you to cheat. One study showed “9-enders“ people who are 29, 39, 49, and so on may seek an affair as they approach a new decade to try to find meaning in their life.

5. Variety

You live by the motto “You only live once,” so you want to try lots of sexual experiences with as many partners as possible.

6. The Internet

The Internet is a major facilitator of infidelity. It is much easier to find forbidden fruit online than it is in person.  There are so many websites where people can meet with no questions asked. Think of the tag line of Ashley Madison – “Life is Short. Have an Affair.”

7. Running Away from Problems

Running away from problems is a major contributor to infidelity. Making excuses rather than facing the music with your spouse opens the door to infidelity, especially emotional affairs. I have heard many examples where a spouse would tell me that he or she has found a coworker with a shoulder to lean on. It should be no surprise that sympathetic coworkers regularly become participants in illicit affairs.

8. Pornography

Pornography is rampant on the Internet – but does this lead to affairs? Does it lead to emotional affairs and the death of love and trust? Absolutely! Internet and “porn addiction” are significant factors causing the breakdown of marriages today. And you might be surprised to know that this problem is not discriminatory toward men. More and more women suffer from the Internet and porn addiction today just as much as men.

9. Escort Services

Escort services and the like, including “online massages,” etc., are much more attainable in our age of social media than it ever was before. Scrutinizing credit card charges is but one of the contributing factors as to why divorces are expensive.

10. Facebook

Facebook is now a contributing factor to about a third of all divorces. A couple of years ago, that number was 25%. You can meet anyone online. I have had cases where someone reconnected with a high school sweetheart and ran off during the divorce even though the sweetheart lived over 3,000 miles away. An online fantasy that the “grass is greener on the other side” is a significant cause in the breakdown of marriages today.

11. Boredom

Boredom can lead to an affair. Many people fall into routines, including tired routines in the bedroom. What do you do to keep your marriage fresh? Many divorces could be possibly avoided if people took the time and commitment to communicate verbally and physically and keep things exciting. Some people look for excitement to escape boredom. It can be by experimenting with other relationships, trying drugs, fast cars, or hanging out with different people. I once had a case where a husband wanted a ménage à trois for his milestone birthday. His wife agreed to the gift.  Over time, the couple experimented with wife-swapping and ultimately his wife ran off with someone else.

12. Growing Apart with Your Partner

People grow apart. Do you and your spouse have the same goals anymore? Do you want to ride off into the sunset together after the children are grown? Is your spouse your best friend?

13. Addiction

Alcohol and drugs often go hand in hand with affairs. I have seen many cases where a spouse will trade one addiction for another. A person’s addiction to drugs or alcohol is chemically no different than an addiction to the Internet, porn, food, or any other unhealthy excess.

14. Not Married for the Right Reasons

Did you marry for the right reason? Or better yet, did you become the “right” person for your spouse? Do you both have enough in common? If not, you will often look for that commonality in the arms of someone else.

15. Lack of Respect at Home

Does your spouse treat you well? Do you treat your spouse well in return? Over the years I have seen many doctors, for example, run off with their nurse or other medical support staff. It’s really not surprising that doctors, in general, are often worshipped by their staff at work, but in contrast at home, they are treated with a lack of respect. Does ego-stroking lead to affairs? Absolutely. Everyone enjoys a compliment; it would go a long way if spouses found ways to complement each other regularly.

16. Feeling Unappreciated

Some people fall into having an affair simply because they feel that they are not appreciated at home or that they are “doing all of the work” in keeping a marriage and home together. Again, questions to ask are these: Am I appreciative of my spouse? Am I being the “right person” for my spouse? If more people harbored a “servant’s” mindset for their spouse, more and more affairs and divorces could be avoided.

17. Issues Involving Body Image and Aging

Issues involving body image and weight gain as well as aging can, unfortunately, lead to an affair and or divorce. Some people will “trade-in” an aging spouse for a “younger” model. Of course, the point of this paragraph has nothing to do with unavoidable medical issues. But let’s face it. Many spouses tend to “let themselves go” over time. During the “romance” period, both spouses typically try to present themselves in the best possible light to “win” the affections and marriage commitment of the other. Once the prize (marriage) is won, many people think that “the chase is over.” Not so. Marriage is only the beginning. If people continued to consciously keep “chasing” their spouse, affairs and divorces could be avoided.

18. Esteem

You feel sleeping with others will improve your sense of self-worth, signal your independence or increase your social status and popularity.

19. Anger

You suspect or know your partner has betrayed you, so you want to get even. “The motivation is revenge,” Selterman said.

20. Insecurity

At the same time, too much insecurity can be one of the causes of infidelity in a marriage. The need for constant reaffirmation can lead to an affair, especially if one spouse becomes “too needy” or “too clingy.” It’s a delicate balance to find, but marriage requires nothing less than true and dedicated commitment.

21. Living Apart for Extended Periods of Time

Travel for work and living apart for extended periods of time invariably lead to affairs. Think of the movie Up in the Air with George Clooney. There, the female character carried on an affair with George Clooney’s character. George fell in love with her only to discover later that she was married and cheating on her husband with him.

22 Low commitment

This is oriented toward people’s definitions of exclusivity, Selterman said. “Some people say they never discussed being exclusive with their partner or ‘I didn’t want to get too close,’ or ‘I don’t envision a future with this person,’” he noted. “They’re in a relationship, but they haven’t specified that the commitment level is high or the exclusivity is there.”Excitement, forbidden fruit, boredom, opportunity, enticement, retaliation as you can see, the reasons why people have affairs are endless.

Men are more likely to have affairs than women and are often seeking more sex or attention. Men express their love in a more physical way they often don’t have the perfect “feeling words” for their wives. So sex becomes an important path to connection and intimacy.

If men aren’t sexually satisfied (for instance, if their spouse declines sex often), they take that rejection to heart, and it can easily translate to feeling “unloved.” In fact, men are more likely than women to cheat due to a feeling of insecurity.

When women cheat, they’re often trying to fill an emotional void.  Women frequently complain of disconnection from a spouse, and of the wish to be desired and cherished. Women are more likely to feel unappreciated or ignored, and seek the emotional intimacy of an extramarital relationship.

An affair is more often a “transitional” partner for the woman as a way to end the relationship. She is seriously looking to leave her marriage and this other person helps her do just that.

That’s not to say that sexual satisfaction isn’t a primary driver of affairs for wives as well as husbands. Similarly, boredom with the marital relationship may lead both men and women to cheat.

With or without individual or marital risk factors there are a number of possible reasons for marital infidelity. Underlying many of the reasons, however, lie a few threads. One is the role of unmet needs.

One partner may be incapable of fulfilling their partner’s needs, but far too often, those needs have not been expressed. Marital partners are not mind-readers. Another is the lack of addressing problems directly.

Content courtesy of Today, Very well mind, Divorce Mag & Nairobi fashion hub 

 

What are Multiple orgasms and how do you get them

Posted on by Resident Sex Columnist Adviser

The orgasm is widely regarded as the peak of sexual excitement. It is a powerful feeling of physical pleasure and sensation, which includes a discharge of accumulated erotic tension.

Overall though, not a great deal is known about the orgasm, and over the past century, theories about the orgasm and its nature have shifted dramatically. For instance, healthcare experts have only relatively recently come round to the idea of the female orgasm, with many doctors as recently as the 1970s claiming that it was normal for women not to experience them.

Numerous  studies have proven that women get the short end of the stick when it comes to orgasms in heterosexual relationships, with men having nearly double as many orgasms as women do.

Nobody is at fault here, men and women are just built differently, and it seems the evolutionary cards are quite heavily stacked against the female orgasm.

The Orgasm Gap is a real thing, people, and it’s not going to change any time soon.

There is one bright shining light at the end of the tunnel for us women, though. We can have multiple orgasms.

What are multiple orgasms?

Multiple orgasms can be defined as having more than one orgasm in a single session. These can be spaced out over some time, happen one right after the other, or it might feel like you’re having a wave of continuous orgasms during the entire session.

Although some men claim to be able to have multiple orgasms, this is an almost exclusively female ability. During the refractory period (the time between an orgasm and when you feel sexually aroused again), men are unable to get an erection, which is needed to reach orgasm.

Women, on the other hand, don’t need an erection to reach orgasm and therefore have a much shorter refractory period. In short, women were built to have multiple orgasms.

Some more good news

If you have a vagina and a clitoris, there is more than a 70% chance that you are capable of having multiple orgasms, compared to only 10% of men in their early twenties.

Of that 70%, most are be able to come anywhere between 2 and 5 times per session from different types of stimulation, and the fortunate ones get to have up to 30 or 40 orgasms (I suppose you start losing count after about 20).

The unofficial world record for most orgasms in an hour was set when doctors at the Centre for Marital and Sexual Studies in California recorded the case of an anonymous woman having an unbelievable 134 orgasms in an hour. In comparison, the best any male has been able to achieve is a meagre 16.

So you want to have multiple orgasms? I don’t blame you. Orgasms are pretty amazing.

Here are a few things you could try

Foreplay

It’s a well-known fact that women need a lot more foreplay than men to get fully aroused, so make sure you take your time. Apart from sex toys, oral sex is your best bet if you’re looking to have multiple orgasms as most women require clitoral stimulation to push them over the edge.

You don’t necessarily have to reach orgasm during foreplay, just make sure you take it slow, and you will stay aroused for longer.

Your orgasms will also be much more intense.

Switch positions after every orgasm

After your first orgasm, your clitoris will be sensitive, and even though you have a much shorter refractory period, it still needs a little break. You can do this by switching to a position that focuses more on internal stimulation.

Just be sure to keep checking in on your clitoris, you’ll be surprised how swiftly you’ll be ready for that second orgasm.

Strengthen your pelvic floor

Many books have been written about the benefits of Kegel exercises. Stronger pelvic floor muscles have many benefits such as better bladder control and of course increased sensation during sex. Regular Kegel exercises will also further reduce your refractory period, leading to more orgasms. Not a bad trade-off for a couple of minutes of training per day.

Masturbate more

The best way to explore and learn about your body is by doing it yourself. You probably already know how to make yourself come once, now start giving yourself multiple orgasms. Instead of high-fiving yourself or falling asleep after your first orgasm, begin playing again as soon as your first orgasm starts fading away.

You may have to decrease the stimulation a bit or focus on a different area, but don’t stop. Slowly increase the intensity as your arousal builds up again until you reach climax again. The key is to keep the stimulation going; you’ll be riding a wave of continuous orgasms in no time.

Use toys

Almost every woman I have ever spoken to find it easier to come with a sex toy than with a partner. If you have a toy with multiple settings, it’s a great way to switch up the sensations, and if you require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm (like 99% of all women), a trusty rabbit or bullet vibrator is exactly what you need.

Pro tip: They’re also convenient when your partner requires a bit of a break, so please teach them how to use it.

 

Things the Most Toxic People in Your Life Have in Common

Posted on by Resident Sex Columnist Adviser

Do you know a toxic person?

Even if you don’t now, at some point in your life you’re bound to have come across a person who fits the description. Dealing with such an individual can be difficult and draining, to say the least. In fact, it may challenge what you know about yourself and push you to the limits. Here are some traits to familiarize yourself with, and to help you navigate these trying relationships:

  1. Toxic people are manipulative. Their modus operandi is to get people to do what they want them to do. It’s all about them. They use other people to accomplish whatever their goal happens to be. Forget what you want; this is not about equality in a relationship far from it.
  2. They are judgmental. Keep your eyes and ears open for criticism about you, what you’ve done, and what you didn’t do. It’s never about them, and they will lie if it serves them.
  3. They take no responsibility for their own feelings. Rather, their feelings are projected onto you. If you try to point this out to them, they will likely vehemently defend their perspective, and take no responsibility for almost anything they do.
  4. They don’t apologize. They don’t see any reason to, because things are always someone else’s fault. In many instances, although they try to orchestrate relationships to serve their own ends, they try to gain sympathy and attention by claiming “victim” status.
  5. They are inconsistent. It’s hard to know who you’re with at any given time because they are often not the same person. They may change their perspective, attitude, and behavior depending on what they feel they need to accomplish or what they want to have happen. (And they know how to be kind when they want something from you.
  6. They make you prove yourself to them. Toxic people make you choose them over someone else, or something they want over something you want. Often, this turns into a “divide and conquer” dynamic in which the only choice is them, even to the point of requiring you to cut off other meaningful relationships to satisfy them.
  7. They make you defend yourself. They have difficulty staying on point about certain issues, probably because they’re not interested in your point of view or trying to reach an amicable conclusion. Remember, they are supreme manipulators: Their tactics may include being vague and arbitrary, as well as diverting the focus of the discussion to how you’re discussing an issue your tone, your words, etc. They focus on problems, not solutions.
  8. They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you. In fact, the good things that happen to you move the attention away from them and thwart them from focusing on their own goals. Beware of people who find fault with you and make you wrong. Loyalty is foreign to them.

The traits of toxic people can be very hard to identify, particularly with the rise of anonymity on the internet. When is somebody just kind of a bad influence, and when are they truly toxic?

When is somebody just in a bad mood, or not dealing with stress well, or just toxic? Is there any way to truly recognize toxic traits in the people around you? Psychologists have been trying to find the answers to these questions for a long time.

Content courtesy Psychology Today & Learning Mind 

 

Does Size Really Matter, When it comes to Sex?

Posted on by Resident Sex Columnist Adviser

Men obsess about their bodies just like women. Too fat, too tall, too small… And we all know many are especially obsessed when it comes to their equipment. How does your guy measure up? We talked to everyday women and sexperts…

When it comes to size and aesthetics, it’s a rare guy who wants an honest assessment of his anatomy. But every so often, women hear this question:

“What do you think of my penis?

”That’s sure to jolt you out of a post-coital daze.

Should you lie? Tell the truth?

What’s so surprising about this question is the naked vulnerability it reveals; it’s the male equivalent of “Does this make me look fat?”

Sizing Him Up
I once got “the question” when I was seeing a man who was smaller than I preferred. But I was enormously attracted to him and the electricity we generated could have lit up Times Square. In that unguarded moment, I think I liked him even more for giving me a peek at his anxieties.

And so I said, quite honestly, “Absolutely. It’s amazing.

”For all the reassurances from urologists, sex therapists and girlfriends and wives that it’s not the size of the boat but how they captain it that matters, guys still wonder: Do I measure up?

Yes, size matters. But not the way men might think it does.

When It’s Too Big
“We’ve put such inflated importance on size, and as a result, women’s eyes are bigger than their vaginas,” says Anne Semans, marketing director for the sex toy boutique chain Babeland. Semans knows women’s size preferences, at least when it comes to dildos. Babeland’s most popular model measures 6 inches long and 1-1/4 inches around, though women do seek longer and fatter too.

“The cultural perception is that bigger is going to feel better,” Semans says. But, she adds, that’s not always the case. In fact, women who overreach often end up returning dildos (unopened, of course).“Too big and you’re going to need a lot of lube, there more friction and it might chafe,” Semans says. “Even your orgasmic contractions may be less powerful.”

Logically, the same holds true for penises of the non-silicone variety.  Many women may initially enjoy the sight of a big guy.

But their next reaction is often, Ouch! My friend Shari, 38, agrees. She’s dated guys who were too long and too thick. “If it’s too big, it can be overwhelming and painful,” she says. “You have to really be ready to deal with something that large.”

Second Time Is Not a Charm
Here’s something else guys don’t take into account when wishing for more inches: A woman may be reluctant to vault that big pole again.

“You can be sore the next day and not so eager to have intercourse,” Shari says. “There were definitely times I said, ‘Don’t poke me with that thing.

’”My friend Alice, 31, understands that all too well. She confesses she was so saddle-sore after a romp with a bigger-than-usual guy that the next day she made an emergency appointment with her gynecologist. And although they dated for three months, she refused to get back on that bronco again.

“He wanted to, but I diverted him with oral sex or made excuses to avoid having sex with him,” she says.

You Can Really Get Hurt
Anecdotes aside, accommodating an extra-large penis can result in vaginal injury. Extra-long members can bump against a woman’s cervix during intercourse, causing discomfort or pain.

With larger girth, tearing could occur and cause bleeding. Making sex pleasurable with a well-hung honey comes down to three things: lubricant, patience and position experimentation.

So Is Smaller Better?
Although too big can certainly be a big problem, nobody wants a pinkie-sized fellow either.

Take my friend Claudia, who dated a guy with an outsized sense of himself. He stretched the truth about what he did, where he lived, what he owned. In short, he was a showboat.

When Claudia finally got into bed with him, she understood what he was compensating for. “I never realized that they came in petite!” she says. “I slept with him again just to get another look at it.”

I got a similar surprise one night when I was out with a guy that I had a huge crush on one summer.

He was big and burly, and when we kissed, he literally swept me off my feet.After too many drinks, we ended up back at his place. But lo and behold, where I expected a giant redwood was… a sapling. Passion carried the moment, but I learned a valuable lesson about drawing any conclusions based on a man’s hands, feet or stature.

But it’s unfair to claim that a “good fit” is up to the man. Have a couple of children the old-fashioned way, and you may not be as tight down there anymore. That can make a slender penis feel too small.

Help for the Size-Challenged
Toys can help. Rings and penis pumps can (temporarily) add girth for guys with more modest holdings.

Women can do their part by using Kegel exercises to tighten the vaginal walls, leading to a snugger fit.“That gives you more control over your vaginal muscles so that during intercourse, you’re contracting more and harder, so that feels good for both of you,” Semans says.

Before You Write Him Off

Also, before ending things with a guy who doesn’t measure up, consider his ability to compensate for his shortcomings. Can he please you in other ways? Being attentive to your needs is the most important quality in a good lover, regardless of his penis size.

When it comes down to it, it’s not about actual inches, how big he is or how tight you are, but what you both do with the equipment you’ve got and how it all feels when you’re together.

Says Shari: “My husband isn’t the biggest I’ve ever been with or the smallest. But we fit together very well. It’s just right.”

Content courtesy of Every Day Health & Nairobi fashion hub Online Digital Team 

Keeping your vagina clean and healthy 5 Odour your vagina shouldn’t smell like 

Posted on by Resident Sex Columnist Adviser

Feminine odor is something all women deal with. And while it’s natural for your vagina to have some kind of smell, certain smells can signal something’s wrong.

Vaginal odor is the smell that your vagina and usually your discharge – gives off. A certain amount of vaginal odor is normal, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (ACOG). Vaginal smell variations are likely a result of your menstrual cycle, your hygiene habits, or just you being you.

Here are a few things that might cause your vagina’s natural scent to go awry:

1. Smelling like fish

A fish smell can indicate bacterial vaginosis. Several bacteria grow in your vagina. They are completely normal and keep the vagina healthy. Bacterial vaginosis is caused by an imbalance of different types of bacteria. It is helped by washing the vagina with soap, vaginal showers or sprays, holding down a tampon too long, antibiotics or an IUD.

Sometimes bacterial vaginosis has no symptoms. Other times it can lead to symptoms such as a thick or foaming discharge that is usually white or grey or yellowish, a strong smelly fish smell (especially after sex or washing with soap) and itching.

Reasons for a dead fish odor

  • Bacterial vaginosis. “You get bacterial vaginosis when there’s an overgrowth of anaerobic bacteria in the vagina,” says Minkin. “And these anaerobic organisms are odorous.”
  • Trichomoniasis. Trichomoniasis is the most common curable sexually transmitted infection and easily treatable with a course of antibiotics. It’s known for its pungent fishy odor. “The trichomoniasis infection can be quite smelly,” says Minkin. “It’s a more pronounced fishy odor than bacterial vaginosis.”

2. Yeast infection

This is a very common type of fungal infection and is caused by the overgrowth of a type of yeast known as candida. Shape says the most obvious symptom is the presence of a thick, white discharge that looks like cottage cheese. Other symptoms include redness and itching around the vaginal area, as well as a burning sensation or pain when you urinate or have sex. Even though yeast infections don’t come with a strong odour, there can sometimes also be a mild scent that resembles bread or yeast.

There are over-the-counter medications to treat this but, If it’s your first time getting a yeast infection, see your doctor first before you buy any medications, and if it doesn’t improve or keeps returning, get some advice from your doctor too.

Reasons for a sweet odor

  • Bacteria. Yep, bacteria again. Your vaginal pH is an ever-changing bacterial ecosystem. And sometimes this means you might smell a little sweet.

3. Your vagina smells like copper or metal

If you’re smelling a coppery smell, it’s could be tied to blood. Blood contains iron, which is responsible for the metallic smell. Teen Vogue says if you’re on your period, that could be the cause of the copper odour. Even if it’s not your period, you could be experiencing light bleeding from sex and that could be the culprit. A copper smell is no cause for alarm, unless you’re also experiencing itching, burning and/or suspicious discharge.

To treat it, try using a lubricant if you’re experiencing light bleeding related to intercourse; the additional moisture can help prevent small cuts or scrapes from forming in the vagina.

Reasons for a coppery odor

  • Blood. Blood contains iron, which has a metallic smell. The most common reason for blood is menstruation. During your period, blood and tissue shed from your uterine lining and travel through your vaginal canal.
  • Sex. Light bleeding after sex can be common. This is usually due to vaginal dryness or vigorous sex that can cause small cuts or scrapes. To prevent this, try using lube.

4. Smelling like fermented foods

Speaking to Healthline, Dr Mary Jane Minkin, who has more than 30 years of experience working in women’s health says, it’s very common for vaginas to produce a tangy or sour aroma. Some compare it to the smell of fermented foods. In fact, yoghurt, sourdough bread, and even some sour beer contain the same type of good bacteria that dominate most healthy vaginas: Lactobacilli.

The pH of a healthy vagina is slightly acidic, between 3.8 and 4.5. “The Lactobacilli bacteria keep the vagina acidic,” says Minkin. “This protects against an overgrowth of the bad kinds of bacteria.”

If it smells curiously similar to that sour IPA you had last weekend, don’t freak out.

Reasons for a tangy odor

  • Acidity. The pH of a healthy vagina is slightly acidic, between 3.8 and 4.5. “The Lactobacilli bacteria keep the vagina acidic,” says Minkin. “This protects against an overgrowth of the bad kinds of bacteria.”

5. Rotten like a decaying organism

You accidentally left a tampon in there, It happens  and probably more often than you’d think, Lauren Streicher, a professor of clinical obstetrics and genecology at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, tells SELF. Some people may put in a just-in-case tampon toward the end of their period and forget about it, don’t remember that they have one in before putting in a new one, or forget and have sex with one in and it gets pushed sideways into the back of cervix, she says. “Every gynaecologist has had the experience of a woman coming in with an odor, discovering it was a forgotten tampon, and feeling mortified,” she says.

Reasons for a rotten odor

  • A forgotten tampon. Inadvertently letting a tampon go days, even weeks, inside a vagina is much more common than you’d think. “I can’t tell you how many tampons I’ve taken out of patients,” says Minkin. “This happens to lots and lots of people. It isn’t something you need to be embarrassed about.”

When you should see a doctor

In general, abnormal odors should be easy to spot. They’re the ones that make your face scrunch up. Rotting fish, dead organism, decay — these are all red flag odors.

If there’s a serious cause, often other symptoms will appear alongside the smell.

See your doctor if an odor is accompanied with:

  • itching or burning
  • pain
  • pain during sex
  • thick, cottage cheese discharge
  • vaginal bleeding unrelated to your period

Smells change, and that’s OK

Subtle shifts in your vaginal fragrance is normal. Remember, the way your vagina smells has everything to do with its pH. And there are lots of things that affect your pH.

Take penile vaginal sex, for instance. Semen has a relatively high pH, so it’s super normal to notice a different kind of smell after you’ve had penile vaginal sex. Don’t worry though, this change is only temporary.

Menopause also has an effect on vaginal pH. “Due to a lack of estrogen, women in menopause end up with less vaginal mucosa,” says Minkin. “Vaginal mucosa lines the vagina and nurtures the Lactobacilli bacteria. So, without these cells you can end up with a much higher pH.”

Our advice? Don’t be afraid to really get to know your vagina, in all its fragrant glory. The better you understand the smells your vagina produces day to day, the more prepared you’ll be when something goes amiss. After all, vaginas do so many wonderful things for us. It’s about time we start understanding what they’re really all about.

Content courtesy of Health Line & Nairobi fashion hub 

Why Dating Matters

Posted on by Linda Wairegi

Nowadays, we live our lives online, and dating doesn’t matter.

Anything can be sorted in a second because we live in a digital world. Alex doesn’t need to wait near a telephone for Cynthia to call him at exactly 3 pm on Friday.

John Doe spotted Jane Doe twerking on Instagram and DMed her for her other social media pages. Then, they flirted on Twitter with cute emoticons, before Skyping their love away and getting engaged on Facebook in front of his close friends and families.

So John can’t understand why Jane wants physical dates now.

His mind keeps wondering: Why hustle so hard?  Can’t she ask him instead? Why put himself out there? Will the boys make fun over him because he’s pining over his crush? What if he’s crush says no? Isn’t dating overrated? What if she only wants me for A or B? Why bother if they’ll still break up, anyway? Why do face to face conversations matter so much when I can text her instead? Don’t all words matter.

So here’s a small list looking at why dating still matters.

IT ACTS AS A FILTER

Adam sees the most beautiful women, every day, on his way to work, but he’s never spoken to her. Instead, he fantasizes that she’s probably the muse of his dreams. Adam asks her out on a date to see his emotions are running wild or if there’s something valid there. It’ll also help him separate the wheat from the chaff.

IT SETS A PACE

Lisa likes taking things nice and slow because why rush perfection. She doesn’t like people that try to speed up the whole dating process. It feels like they have something to hide. So during dating, she can set the pace.

IT SETS GROUND RULES

Stacy has pet peeves that she can’t overlook and she’d rather stay on her own. As she goes out on her second, or third date, she’s able to communicate this, freely and it gives the other person, an opportunity to decide if they still want to pursue Stacy or not.

IT HELPS DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Tom isn’t looking for a typical relationship, and he’s not afraid to say it. Instead, he’s looking for something experimental, like ‘She’s Gotta Have It.’ Diana has been meditating and praying, about dating with a purpose. She realises about Tom and instantly understands that they’re incompatible.

IT ACTS A MIRROR

Lulu knows that by going out with James, she’ll learn something new about herself. It’ll feel like she’s staring at her reflection, in a vulnerable way.

IT ACTS AS A BASIS FOR A RELATIONSHIP

Alternatively, James can build a solid foundation through each shared experience with his partners. It lets both of them understand each other, plus build trust and intimacy.

Dating A Celibate

Posted on by Linda Wairegi

In life, you’re usually in a relationship, situationship, it’s complicated or single. Of course, sex is everywhere, so how does celibacy & sex co-exist.

It’s the first date, you can feel the rising heat, and sexual tension burning right in front of you.

It’s a struggle to look anywhere else for both you. He’s looking at you, like a cold milkshake on a hot day. You’re looking at him, like a tall dark coffee, no cream, no sugar.

However, you’re celibate for personal reasons, and this doesn’t shape your outlook. You still love doing normal stuff & hanging out with friends.

So a man is wondering, about how he can get to know you better but still cautious around you. Naturally, he cares but he’s very new to this.

So here are a few tips to help him out.

1. Don’t rationalize that it’s a phase of her life that will end soon instead respect her beliefs. 

2. Decide if you can survive in a sex-less relationship. If the temptation to cheat is too high, then just leave her. 

3. Communicate with him/her, and understand where they’re coming from. This will help you understand how long they plan on staying celibate. Is it till marriage or till a strong emotional connection happens?

4. Don’t try manipulating or pressurizing them into sleeping with you.

5. Don’t assume that they can’t care deeply & intensely just because they choose not to be intimate with you.

6. Don’t make assumptions about their past since celibacy can be practised by anyone regardless of experience.

7. You can still do fun stuff with them, don’t label them as boring and leave them.

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