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Friday 12th of July 2024

Nairobi, Kenya

Better Save Your Bond: Discover What to Do After an Affair to Prevent Your Relationship From Ending Because of Cheating

Your relationship will not end because of infidelity. Learn how to heal your relationship after an affair and overcome the pain of betrayal.
One of the worst heartaches ever results from infidelity. It is terribly painful to endure someone you liked and trusted betraying you. It’s the end of most relationships. A 37% divorce rate in the United States is attributed to cheating partners, according to a study.
There are many examples of partnerships reestablishing themselves after infidelity, though. This probably isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when you discover your boyfriend is cheating.
You must first process the hurt caused by infidelity and find closure. The next step is deciding whether or not to remain together.

Because of this, this article explains what to do following an affair, whether you were the one who cheated or the one who was cheated on.
It might be one of the more significant drivers for growth in a couple relationship that’s out there if you and your partner are getting together after the event and you do want to work this out and stay together.
According to relationship expert Jen Elmquist
If you seek treatment, it is totally possible to move past infidelity and develop as people.

What Does Cheating Even Mean?
You should be aware that cheating is not something that can be defined in a certain way. Of course, it differs between couples and even within individuals. Your partner might not view what you might view as unfaithful.
Furthermore, it extends beyond engaging in sexual activity with a person other than your committed partner or engaging in conduct that is considered to be sexual harassment. Cheating would appear differently in polygamous partnerships than it would in monogamous ones.

Therefore, it is crucial that you and your partner have open lines of communication on this. Make sure you are both speaking the same language.
The greatest method to prevent infidelity and affairs is to establish clear boundaries at the outset of the relationship and to maintain transparency throughout.

How Do You Handle an Affairs? The Top 5 Ways to Handle Infidelity Pain
If you’re unsure of what to do following an affair, consider these five strategies while deciding how to deal with the emotional agony.

1. Give your cheating partner some distance
Remove yourself from the distressing circumstance right away, and give yourself some space.
Moreover, allow yourself to cry as much as you need to process your feelings.
Do not, however, let your imagination run wild before hearing what the other party has to say.
All of your feelings, including rage, hurt, pain, and betrayal, are legitimate. Spend some time letting the situation settle in and accepting reality without acting.

Your first instinct may be to ask your partner to forgive you if you are the one who cheated. Recognize, however, that accepting anything is difficult for a sincere person.
Think about your partner’s feelings.
Be prepared for wrath and hostile conduct.

2. Consider Your Relationship – Recognize the Causes of Infidelity
Affair-having is not merely a Love vs. Lust issue. It’s not only that you’re attracted to someone other than your partner. Understandably, infidelity is fraught with difficulties. Extramarital relationships are fairly frequent.
Understanding the cause of the affair is the first step in dealing with it. Understanding is the essential word here since infidelity brings to light the core issues in your relationship.
Infidelity can be caused by a variety of things, most of which are not sexual in nature.
Typical explanations include:

  • Anger and marital problems
  • Alcohol, drugs, gambling, addiction to sex
  • Also, mental health issues including bipolar disorder, learning disabilities, ADD, anxiety,
  • depression, and others
  • Moreover, physical health issues like disability and chronic pain
  • Breakdown of communication-related to relationship and emotional needs
  • Loss of caring and fondness for each other
  • Besides, the lack of affection

Have you neglected your spouse?
You have neglected your married life, which is bad for your relationship.
Even if these things are small, they have a big impact on a marriage.

3. Determine whether to save your marriage after adultery.
Making the choice to keep your relationship from disintegrating after an affair is one of the most crucial things you’ll need to accomplish.
Unmarried couples may find it simpler to stop their relationship, but married couples may find it more difficult, especially if they have children. Think about what is at risk, such as your emotional health, your children’s future, your financial stability, etc.
It goes without saying that these aspects are crucial in determining what to do following an affair.
You might also come to the conclusion that in some situations, divorce is a preferable choice.

4. Promote open communication with your partner and exercise tolerance.
Whatever you choose, you must demonstrate compassion and empathetic behavior.
The secret to overcoming the pain of infidelity is to have open communication with your partner. If you choose to break up with your lover, try to work out the problem before you go. The right conclusion.
Discuss the reasons for the affair with your partner, as well as any possible preventative measures. Identify the issues in your relationship that led to this result as well. Try to avoid passing judgment.

5. Establish New Limits and Re-Establish the Relationship on Your Terms
Keep your self-worth intact as you go through the stages of recovery after an affair. You must uphold your ideals and convictions in order to do this.
To your partner, make this extremely clear.
The cheating partner will be eager to cooperate with you if they are sorry and genuinely want to get back together.

How Can You Save Your Marriage After Infidelity? Six Ways to Get Over an Affair’s Aftermath
How can your marriage be fixed?
One of the most difficult things is recovering from the affair. After this issue, you need to bounce back and support your marriage.
Extramarital affairs are the main factor weakening the foundation of a marriage.
On the other hand, most marriages grow stronger and endure if both couples are dedicated to genuine recovery following an affair.
If you’re unsure of how to heal your marriage after having an affair, think about adopting these actions.

1. Accountability can help rebuild trust following an incident
If you cheat, accept responsibility for your actions.
Despite how difficult it could be, it is crucial. Without a question, you need to sever the relationship and halt any contact with the person.
You should minimize communication if you had an affair with a coworker.
Additionally, strive to alter the way you interact with people at work.

2. If you are sincere, stop cheating.
Most people find it quite difficult to end a relationship suddenly.
If you don’t abruptly end your marriage, it won’t survive. As a result, you shouldn’t carry on with your adultery. Although it seems easy, you’d be shocked at how challenging it is for some people to stop the relationship.
Those who cheat in their first relationship are three times more likely to cheat again, claims a study. Stop offering weak justifications. Don’t explain away your adultery. Cheating is not justified in any way.
Therefore, you cannot reestablish trust if you continue to lie and cheat on your relationship.

3. The cheating partner should feel regret about their actions.
Take full responsibility for what happened if your infidelity caused your partner to lose faith in you.
Try to comprehend the harm your actions have caused to your spouse. Additionally, following an affair, don’t try to hide your error or act defensively.
Additionally, it would be beneficial if you avoided developing negative self-talk.
Admit your error in front of your partner and begin to rebuild your trust. Don’t hold your partner or others responsible for this mess.

4. Exercise Caution When Involving Friends and Family
It could be cathartic for the betrayed partner to vent to all of their friends about how they were wronged.
But it can end up being the biggest barrier to getting over infidelity.
Because different people will have different viewpoints, you should be cautious about who you include in this situation. They could make you feel guilty for forgiving your lover and carrying on the relationship.

5. After an affair, seek professional assistance and couple’s therapy
It is a smart idea to seek expert guidance with the aid of a counselor. So, in addition to individual counseling, you should think about couple therapy. It is crucial to provide your partner with relaxation because they are now experiencing mental turmoil. Your counselor can complete this duty more effectively.

You are unquestionably experiencing trauma. You should seek the counsel of a qualified therapist if you want to get rid of this stress and tension. They are aware of the psychological underpinnings of adultery and the feelings involved. Additionally, they know how to deal with these negative emotions and continue living your life.

It goes without saying that getting professional help is crucial and advantageous for your relationship. You might also require couples treatment that is emotionally focused.

6. Try to rekindle your relationship with your partner.
One of the most crucial phases of getting over an affair is reconnecting.
The moment your lover stopped lying to you, you might have forgiven them, However, the relationship will end again if you both don’t get back in touch and fall in love.
Rekindle the first flame of love for this. Live as if you’ve only recently begun dating, Do kind deeds for one another. Make weekend getaways and dates with your partner, Together, try out new things. Your partner needs more of your focus.
Therefore, in order to save your relationship and keep your trust, it is time to act with love and care.

How Much Time Does It Take to Get Over an Affairs?
Well, that depends on how you and your partner get along mentally.
The severity of the emotional harm also differs from relationship to couple. The ability to get past this situation is equally important.
Couples may need months or even years to recover from infidelity. Others, though, even when they remain together, never really recover from it.
According to some experts, recovering after an affair takes longer than recovering from a breakup.
The recovery period should be brief if you have kids so as not to interfere with their daily activities.

Conclusion:
Although most people don’t know what to do after an affair, they don’t want to end their relationship or get divorced. Avoiding infidelity and lying to your partner is crucial if you want to keep your relationship.
Additionally, the elements of a stronger and happier connection are trust and love. Improve your communication, and pay attention to one another.
As a result, all of these strategies and recommendations will be very beneficial to you as you strengthen your connection.

Content courtesy of Spoila Mag & NFH Digital Team 

Why Do Men Cheat?

Cheating can be extremely detrimental and damaging to a relationship, as it can break down the trust, honesty, and respect that are at the core of any successful and long-term relationship. And while it’s important to recognize the warning signs that your man may be cheating on you, such as he acts out of character, he desperately wants his privacy, and he suddenly cares more about his looks, it’s equally important to understand the underlying reasons why men are unfaithful in the first place.

It’s no secret that men are far more likely to cheat on their partners than women are. If you need any proof of this and you probably don’t consider that the vast majority of Ashley Madison’s 37 million “active” users were overwhelmingly male. (Like, 99.99999 percent male.) And, more recently, a 2015 YouGov poll found that 21 percent of men (compared to 19 percent of women) had actually admitted to cheating in the past. But the question remains: why do men cheat?

Here are 15 reasons that may lead a man to cheat:

1. An ex walked back into the picture.

It’s the tale as old as time: the one that got away. “A lot of times when we’re in a rough spot in our current relationship,” says Shirey, “we tend to disqualify the good.”

And when an ex shows up, “we remember that spark.” So you’ve got a situation where he’s ignoring the good parts about his current relationship and ignoring the bad parts the parts that likely led to the breakup in the first place of his old relationship. That’s a recipe for disaster.

2. He’s immature

One of the main reasons why men cheat is simply a matter of immaturity. When a man is immature, this unappealing attribute can impact a relationship in many different ways. For example, men who are immature often put themselves first in most situations, don’t take into consideration their partner’s feelings, insist on being right even when they’re wrong, and are characteristically unreliable and irresponsible. To that end, being immature is also heavily related to acting impulsively, as most men who are immature tend to give in to their basic temptations and desires without a care or concern for the repercussions of their actions and the possible negative effects that their behavior can have on others.

3. His emotional needs aren’t being met

Another primary reason why men cheat pertains to their emotional needs and desires. In fact, it’s been shown that nearly 50 percent of men who cheat do so because they feel emotionally unfulfilled, unhappy, and unsatisfied in their relationship. In other words, men cheat in order to feel valued and emotionally supported, both of which they may not sense they receive from their partner.

And rather than finding ways to have their emotional needs met in their current relationship, such as by frequently communicating with their partner, openly discussing their feelings and concerns, as well as having realistic and sensible expectations of their significant other, these men often seek out another person (or people) who can provide them with the emotional satisfaction, support, and empathy that they believe they’re lacking.

Whether men are looking to feel appreciated and desired or are simply searching for a shoulder to cry on, a lack of emotional fulfillment is powerful enough to drive men to cheat. It should be noted that less than 15 percent of men rated the women they were cheating with as more beautiful and physically appealing than their current partner, which again underscores that men cheat in large part due to a strong emotional connection with someone else.

4. His physical needs aren’t being met

When looking more closely at the real reasons why men cheat, a lack of sexual fulfillment in his current relationship is also a key underlying factor behind a man’s infidelity. Specifically, a study in the International Journal of Sexual Health revealed that one of the major motivators in a man’s decision to start an affair was his desire for sexual satisfaction that was lacking or completely absent from his present relationship. With this in mind, it’s not too surprising that an additional sign that a man may be cheating is that he stops being physically intimate with his partner since his sexual needs are being met by someone new.

Along these lines, men reported that sexual curiosity was a major incentive to cheat, as it’s not only a search for physical gratification that impelled them to be unfaithful but also a strong desire for new sexual experiences that are more alluring and appealing. It’s also interesting to note that men are more likely to cheat because of unmet sexual needs than women.

5. He’s insecure

When a man is insecure, he may feel unworthy of being with his partner, he may constantly worry about his partner’s continued interest level, and he may continually need reassurance, support, and approval from his partner in a wide range of circumstances. Typically, insecure men are typically very needy, and they incessantly seek out validation in order to prove to their partners, and more importantly themselves, that they’re good enough. With this in mind, research has found that men who are insecure in their relationships are more likely to cheat, as noted in a study in the Journal of Family Psychology.

In other words, because of a man’s insecurities, lack of confidence, and underlying fears that he’s not good enough, he ends up looking for reassurance and affirmations of self-worth from others, both in and out of his relationship. In fact, an insecure man may be so worried about the state of his relationship that his fear of losing his partner can actually induce him to cheat, which in essence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In a word, his lack of confidence ends up destroying the very foundation of the relationship he’s worried about losing.

6. He’s an egomaniac

On the flip side, while insecure men are likely to cheat, so too are men with an overblown sense of importance and self-worth. Specifically, egomaniacs believe that the entire world revolves around them, and not only do they think that they’re incredibly attractive, smart, successful, and talented, but they’ll be the first ones to tell you that. And when looking at egomaniacs in terms of infidelity, it’s interesting to note that their inordinately inflated sense of self in conjunction with their desire to be the focus of attention makes them likely candidates to cheat on their partner.

In one study, research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that married men who are sexual narcissists, meaning that they only care about their own physical needs and lack any real concern or interest in their partner’s wants and desires, are more likely to have affairs. In other words, narcissistic and self-aggrandizing men who believe their needs should always take precedence over the needs of others are more likely to seek satisfaction, praise, and attention outside of their relationship.

7. His father was a cheater

When looking at the real reasons why men cheat, there’s also evidence that cheating can run in the family. Specifically, cheating can actually be a learned behavior that boys pick up during childhood. In fact, it’s been shown that men are more likely to cheat if their fathers were cheaters, as noted in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. This is due to the fact that during childhood, men look to their fathers as examples and role models of what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors aren’t. And when they see their father cheat, this type of behavior is ingrained into their own minds and becomes normalized as a way to deal with certain circumstances and relationship issues.

To that end, the example set by their fathers is how young boys learn to deal with many different situations, and they’ll likely mimic their father’s behavior in the future because it’s all they know. It’s also interesting to note that women in this study were not more likely to cheat if their fathers were cheaters, which highlights just how important a father’s role is in terms of shaping the future actions of his son.

8. His friends are cheaters

But the powerful role that friendship can play regarding a man’s propensity to cheat doesn’t stop there, as his friends can also highly influence his future behavior and rational decision-making. Along these lines, a study in the Journal of Consumer Research revealed a person’s friends can heavily impact his or her decision to give in to temptation, as friends are more likely to band together when they decide to act impulsively and irrationally. In other words, there’s power in numbers, and if your man surrounds himself with friends who make poor decisions, such as being unfaithful, he’s more likely to make similarly poor decisions due to their influence.

9. He’s being cheated on

An additional reason why men cheat is simply due to the fact that their partner is cheating on them. And under this kind of distressing circumstance, many men look outside of their relationship as a way to seek revenge and get back at their partner for committing this offense against them. In addition, these men also start affairs in order to regain a sense of power and control after being the victim of infidelity. It’s also been shown that men who are being cheated on engaging in their own indiscretions as a way to distract themselves from the pain, betrayal, shame, and/or anger that they may feel because of their cheating partner. And starting an affair can help them refocus their energy and divert their attention away from their partner’s hurtful actions.

However, for many men, this approach is typically not the best course of action when dealing with a cheating partner because it can actually make them feel worse about themselves and the situation in general. After all, men who start an affair in reaction to their partner’s affair often end up undercutting their self-esteem even more by engaging in behaviors that go against their personal values, ethics, and morals.

10. He’s worried about his sexual performance

While it may seem counter-intuitive, men who have anxiety about their sexual abilities are actually more likely to cheat on their partner. In fact, researchers from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, as well as the University of Guelph in Ontario found that men who had sexual performance issues had a greater likelihood of being unfaithful.

One explanation for this seemingly conflicting result is that men are less inhibited when they’re with someone who isn’t their partner, and they tend to feel less nervous, worried, and concerned about their performance with this new person. Along these lines, another explanation is that cheating provides men with the opportunity to be with someone who isn’t aware of their past sexual performance issues, and being with this new person can actually help to lower the pressure to perform and please this new person. It’s also thought that men with sexual performance problems cheat in order to help themselves overcome these sexual issues in an environment that’s free of the judgment, ridicule, and/or embarrassment they may feel when they’re with their partner.

11. He’s feeling depressed or anxious.

Everyone experiences depressed feelings and anxiety to a certain degree. The issue is whether or not those thoughts come from the relationship. “If he’s feeling lonely within his relationship, emasculated in some way, or angry with his partner,” says Laurel Steinberg, PhD, a New York-based relationship therapist and professor of psychology at Columbia University, it could certainly lead a man to cheat. However, “it’s important to note that cheating [tends to] exacerbate existing anxiety and depression.” Thus, the circle remains unbroken.

12. Evolution is to blame.

There’s that old adage, where every man wants to sleep with as many women as possible “spread his seed,” so to speak and every woman wants to find one mate “lock him down.” We’re writers, not evolutionary psychologists, and cannot possibly hope to speak about the truth of that thinking, so we’ll let Shirey take it away: “There are some theories out of evolutionary psychology.

The theory is that, because women only have a chance of reproduction once a month, they tend to be much more discriminating in choosing a partner. Whereas men can basically have a chance of reproduction every time they ejaculate.”

13. He has potential psychopathic tendencies.

As Shirey mentioned, most people don’t wake up with the malicious intent to betray or hurt their partner. Well, most. “Maybe it’s a personality disorder, or are deeply anti-social, or have narcissistic tendencies,” says Shirey. Whatever the reason, “they need to address it themselves.” Until that happens, this man will hurt any- and everyone romantically involved with him. Run.

14. He’s addicted to sex.

“In very few instances, there are people who have a legitimate sex addiction,” says Shirey. Sex triggers dopamine receptors the pleasure center of the brain. And like anything else that triggers dopamine see: cocaine, heroin it can be addictive. For some people, dopamine activates more from sex than from other things. “A lot of people try to use it as a cop-out, though,” says Shirey. Fellas, don’t do that. Remember: “very few instances.”

15. Poor judgment and willpower are at fault.

“You’re more likely to put yourself in a situation where infidelity could occur if you’re not happy in your relationship,” says Mark. Whether you’re agreeing to tequila shots at a club with your buddies or, even more dangerous, agreeing to one-on-one happy hour with that cute new associate in accounting people who are committed to and satisfied with their relationship will avoid those scenarios. ‘

If he actively and repeatedly decides to engage in risky situations, something’s up. “People know the consequences of infidelity,” says Mark. “It’s not a secret. It does tear couples apart.”

Where Do We Go from Here?

Interestingly, after working with hundreds of couples attempting to process and overcome a male (or female) partner’s cheating, it is clear to me that it’s not any specific sexual act that does the most damage to a committed relationship. It’s the ongoing pattern of secrets and lies that surrounds the cheating that causes a loving partner the most pain. The profound and repeated betrayal of relationship trust causes the most pain. And most cheated-on partners will agree that their feelings of being betrayed are just as profound when a loved one is giving himself away online as when there is alive, in-vivo affair.

Sadly, most men (and women) who choose to break a vow of monogamy to an intimate partner don’t realize the profound effects their behavior can have on that loved one. One important recent study found that the wives of men who’ve discovered a pattern of infidelity in their partners often experience acute stress symptoms similar to those found in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Unsurprisingly, the emotional damage caused by infidelity can be difficult to overcome, even with the help of an experienced marriage or couples counselor. That said if both partners are committed to behavior change and healing, most relationships can be saved, even strengthened, after and despite an affair. For some wives and spouses, however, the repeated violation of trust is too much; they are unable to experience the necessary emotional safety required to rebuild a relationship and move on. In such cases, solid, neutral relationship therapy can help to help negotiate a break-up, offering direction for both individuals to move on with their lives.

Content courtesy of The List, Best life Online, Psychology Today & Nairobi fashion hub 

 

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