Does Size Really Matter, When it comes to Sex?
Men obsess about their bodies just like women. Too fat, too tall, too small… And we all know many are especially obsessed when it comes to their equipment. How does your guy measure up? We talked to everyday women and sexperts…
When it comes to size and aesthetics, it’s a rare guy who wants an honest assessment of his anatomy. But every so often, women hear this question:
“What do you think of my penis?
”That’s sure to jolt you out of a post-coital daze.
Should you lie? Tell the truth?
What’s so surprising about this question is the naked vulnerability it reveals; it’s the male equivalent of “Does this make me look fat?”
Sizing Him Up
I once got “the question” when I was seeing a man who was smaller than I preferred. But I was enormously attracted to him and the electricity we generated could have lit up Times Square. In that unguarded moment, I think I liked him even more for giving me a peek at his anxieties.
And so I said, quite honestly, “Absolutely. It’s amazing.
”For all the reassurances from urologists, sex therapists and girlfriends and wives that it’s not the size of the boat but how they captain it that matters, guys still wonder: Do I measure up?
Yes, size matters. But not the way men might think it does.
When It’s Too Big
“We’ve put such inflated importance on size, and as a result, women’s eyes are bigger than their vaginas,” says Anne Semans, marketing director for the sex toy boutique chain Babeland. Semans knows women’s size preferences, at least when it comes to dildos. Babeland’s most popular model measures 6 inches long and 1-1/4 inches around, though women do seek longer and fatter too.
“The cultural perception is that bigger is going to feel better,” Semans says. But, she adds, that’s not always the case. In fact, women who overreach often end up returning dildos (unopened, of course).“Too big and you’re going to need a lot of lube, there more friction and it might chafe,” Semans says. “Even your orgasmic contractions may be less powerful.”
Logically, the same holds true for penises of the non-silicone variety. Many women may initially enjoy the sight of a big guy.
But their next reaction is often, Ouch! My friend Shari, 38, agrees. She’s dated guys who were too long and too thick. “If it’s too big, it can be overwhelming and painful,” she says. “You have to really be ready to deal with something that large.”
Second Time Is Not a Charm
Here’s something else guys don’t take into account when wishing for more inches: A woman may be reluctant to vault that big pole again.
“You can be sore the next day and not so eager to have intercourse,” Shari says. “There were definitely times I said, ‘Don’t poke me with that thing.
’”My friend Alice, 31, understands that all too well. She confesses she was so saddle-sore after a romp with a bigger-than-usual guy that the next day she made an emergency appointment with her gynecologist. And although they dated for three months, she refused to get back on that bronco again.
“He wanted to, but I diverted him with oral sex or made excuses to avoid having sex with him,” she says.
You Can Really Get Hurt
Anecdotes aside, accommodating an extra-large penis can result in vaginal injury. Extra-long members can bump against a woman’s cervix during intercourse, causing discomfort or pain.
With larger girth, tearing could occur and cause bleeding. Making sex pleasurable with a well-hung honey comes down to three things: lubricant, patience and position experimentation.
So Is Smaller Better?
Although too big can certainly be a big problem, nobody wants a pinkie-sized fellow either.
Take my friend Claudia, who dated a guy with an outsized sense of himself. He stretched the truth about what he did, where he lived, what he owned. In short, he was a showboat.
When Claudia finally got into bed with him, she understood what he was compensating for. “I never realized that they came in petite!” she says. “I slept with him again just to get another look at it.”
I got a similar surprise one night when I was out with a guy that I had a huge crush on one summer.
He was big and burly, and when we kissed, he literally swept me off my feet.After too many drinks, we ended up back at his place. But lo and behold, where I expected a giant redwood was… a sapling. Passion carried the moment, but I learned a valuable lesson about drawing any conclusions based on a man’s hands, feet or stature.
But it’s unfair to claim that a “good fit” is up to the man. Have a couple of children the old-fashioned way, and you may not be as tight down there anymore. That can make a slender penis feel too small.
Help for the Size-Challenged
Toys can help. Rings and penis pumps can (temporarily) add girth for guys with more modest holdings.
Women can do their part by using Kegel exercises to tighten the vaginal walls, leading to a snugger fit.“That gives you more control over your vaginal muscles so that during intercourse, you’re contracting more and harder, so that feels good for both of you,” Semans says.
Before You Write Him Off
Also, before ending things with a guy who doesn’t measure up, consider his ability to compensate for his shortcomings. Can he please you in other ways? Being attentive to your needs is the most important quality in a good lover, regardless of his penis size.
When it comes down to it, it’s not about actual inches, how big he is or how tight you are, but what you both do with the equipment you’ve got and how it all feels when you’re together.
Says Shari: “My husband isn’t the biggest I’ve ever been with or the smallest. But we fit together very well. It’s just right.”