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Friday 30th of September 2022

Nairobi, Kenya

How to Keep Your Sex Drive Alive During Pregnancy

Having no sex drive during pregnancy can be attributed to many things which can make overcoming it a challenge. We asked the experts to tackle issues that can lower your pregnancy sex drive so you can start having more fun ASAP.

Rumor has it that some women experience “the best sex ever” during pregnancy, thanks to surging hormones and increased blood flow down below. And it turns out that pregnancy sex is worth overcoming common hurdles like exhaustion, awkwardness, and anxiety.

“Couples who don’t make intimacy a priority now are only going to find more excuses when the baby comes home,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., a sex educator and co-author of Your Orgasmic Pregnancy. “The happier you are in all aspects of your relationship, including your sex life, the better parent you’ll be.”

Tackling the following bedroom issues will allow you and your mate to fully enjoy the pregnancy – and each other.

Fighting Pregnancy Sex Excuses

“I’m too tired.”

Fatigue is a classic symptom of early pregnancy and one that can quickly derail your sex life. After all, who has the desire to make bedroom eyes when you can barely keep them open? “Getting your body ready for pregnancy is a huge energy draw,” says Roger Harms, M.D., an obstetrician-gynecologist and author of Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. Late hours at work before maternity leave, sleepless nights, frenetic nesting, and carting around 30 or so extra pounds can also take their toll. Do your best to slow down and get the recommended eight hours of sleep. If you still don’t have the energy for intercourse, use this time as an opportunity to explore other activities that give you pleasure, whether that’s massaging, kissing, or oral sex, says Dr. Fulbright.

“I feel unattractive.”

For some women, it’s hard to channel your inner sex kitten with an alien belly that screams “incubator.” Though your shifting shape can take getting used to, you’re probably your own worst critic. Try to focus on your best assets.

If you’ve got great legs, show them off with skinny jeans and hide your bigger behind with a tunic. Of course, taking care of yourself on the inside, through exercise and nutrition, also boosts self-esteem. And why not try a positive attitude? “When I was pregnant, I really started to love my body and appreciate what it was able to do,” says Wendy Altschuler, a Chicago mother of two. “I was growing and supporting a life, and this made me feel confident and sexy.”

“I’m afraid sex will harm the baby.”

Carrying a little living being inside of you can make it tempting to slap on a “Handle With Care” label before lovemaking. But doctors agree that getting frisky is perfectly safe. “In a normal, healthy pregnancy, there’s no risk to having intercourse,” says Elisabeth Aron, M.D., an Ob-Gyn and author of Pregnancy Do’s and Don’ts.

The most common complications that can preclude sexual activity are placenta previa (a condition in which the placenta covers the cervix), premature rupture of the membranes, and signs of preterm labor. Otherwise, couples are typically given the green light for the entire pregnancy. That includes the first trimester when fear of losing the baby causes some couples to fret needlessly about their bedroom behavior.

“Miscarriages aren’t provoked by sex,” says Dr. Harms. Second-timers, like Kindra Kirkeby of Richmond, Virginia, have an intuitive grasp of this, making their sex life less inhibited. “It wasn’t this new thing that we needed to be careful about,” she says.

Relaxing (and improvising!) are key to successful lovemaking during pregnancy, especially in the third trimester when you have an out-to-there belly. During this stage, Dr. Fulbright recommends the side-by-side position or woman on top, which places no pressure on the abdomen.

“Sex is uncomfortable.”

Try new positions; just avoid lying flat on your back or having direct pressure on your belly. “The best positions, especially as the pregnancy progresses, are with the woman on top, either in bed or on a chair,” says Shannon Clark, M.D., an assistant professor in the department of OB-GYN at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston. “Lying on her side, ‘spooning’ with her partner, is also a good option.”

How to increase your sex drive during pregnancy

Buy Maternity Lingerie

Flaunt your new curves with intimates that are functional and pretty. Some of your pre-pregnancy favorites may come in maternity cuts.

Book a Babymoon

Sometimes a change of scenery is all you need, so consider a last-fling babymoon vacation.

Strike a Pose

Getting your photo taken may help you see your pregnant body in a new and more flattering light. Jennifer Loomis, a family and maternity photographer whose work is showcased in Portraits of Pregnancy: Birth of a Mother, recommends scheduling the session six to ten weeks before your due date when your belly is clearly visible but you’re not too close to delivery.

Content courtesy of Parents 

 

Why Dating Matters

Nowadays, we live our lives online, and dating doesn’t matter.

Anything can be sorted in a second because we live in a digital world. Alex doesn’t need to wait near a telephone for Cynthia to call him at exactly 3 pm on Friday.

John Doe spotted Jane Doe twerking on Instagram and DMed her for her other social media pages. Then, they flirted on Twitter with cute emoticons, before Skyping their love away and getting engaged on Facebook in front of his close friends and families.

So John can’t understand why Jane wants physical dates now.

His mind keeps wondering: Why hustle so hard?  Can’t she ask him instead? Why put himself out there? Will the boys make fun over him because he’s pining over his crush? What if he’s crush says no? Isn’t dating overrated? What if she only wants me for A or B? Why bother if they’ll still break up, anyway? Why do face to face conversations matter so much when I can text her instead? Don’t all words matter.

So here’s a small list looking at why dating still matters.

IT ACTS AS A FILTER

Adam sees the most beautiful women, every day, on his way to work, but he’s never spoken to her. Instead, he fantasizes that she’s probably the muse of his dreams. Adam asks her out on a date to see his emotions are running wild or if there’s something valid there. It’ll also help him separate the wheat from the chaff.

IT SETS A PACE

Lisa likes taking things nice and slow because why rush perfection. She doesn’t like people that try to speed up the whole dating process. It feels like they have something to hide. So during dating, she can set the pace.

IT SETS GROUND RULES

Stacy has pet peeves that she can’t overlook and she’d rather stay on her own. As she goes out on her second, or third date, she’s able to communicate this, freely and it gives the other person, an opportunity to decide if they still want to pursue Stacy or not.

IT HELPS DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Tom isn’t looking for a typical relationship, and he’s not afraid to say it. Instead, he’s looking for something experimental, like ‘She’s Gotta Have It.’ Diana has been meditating and praying, about dating with a purpose. She realises about Tom and instantly understands that they’re incompatible.

IT ACTS A MIRROR

Lulu knows that by going out with James, she’ll learn something new about herself. It’ll feel like she’s staring at her reflection, in a vulnerable way.

IT ACTS AS A BASIS FOR A RELATIONSHIP

Alternatively, James can build a solid foundation through each shared experience with his partners. It lets both of them understand each other, plus build trust and intimacy.

Common Phrases Used In Relationships And What They Mean

So let’s attack this from both sides and get to the bottom of what men and women say versus what they really mean.

“I’m fine.”

What women mean: Men, I realize that hearing your woman say she is “fine” makes you think she probably is fine because if you were saying the same, you’d mean exactly what you were saying. But, in woman speak, more often than not this usually isn’t the case.

The key here to find out if that “I’m fine” is legit is the follow-up question. If you want to get it right, make sure you ask if she is sure and if there is hesitation in her response to you let her know if and when she is ready to get something off her chest, you are there to listen and support. By doing so, you will get major brownie points on this one.

What men mean: It’s pretty simple for a guy. If he is saying he is fine, he probably does, in fact, mean he’s fine. If there is something else to it, he will likely express it directly to you.

“I need to talk to you.”

What women mean: According to insight from my male relationship experts, this is the dreaded six-word sentence most guys don’t want to hear. They immediately think they are in trouble and it puts them on the defense fairly quickly. But guys, there is a way to calm that pitter-patter that you feel in your heart when you hear these words.

 

I think most men know that when a woman prompts a discussion with the “I need to talk to you,” it is probably about something that’s been heavy on her mind. And if you have this realization, consider yourself to be smarter than most. A woman dedicating time to speak to you about matters of her heart has thought this topic through ad nausea and wanted to have some closure on the subject of discussion.

Be prepared, not scared, and come to listen. In other words, go into the discussion with an open mind and with the goal to calm her fears and make your woman feel secure knowing she can count on you to have serious discussions. It will help your relationship grow if you learn to understand her needs and also keep the lines of communication open in your relationship.

What men mean: If your guy wants to have a conversation with you and uses this sentence, he is using it as a way to generally get your input on something that is bothering him. If he values your input, he will share with you what is on his plate figuratively speaking, and how he is trying to solve the issue.

If he is coming to you to get your input or perspective, bonus points for you because he trusts your insights and these matters which are big to him he is sharing because he trusts and values your opinion.

“Where is our relationship heading?”

What women mean: It’s a nice way of letting you know your SO is looking for something deeper in your relationship. And your answer will lead her in one of possibly two directions.

If she is interested in you and prompts this discussion, she wants to know if you are serious about her or if she is wasting her time. If she is looking for something serious in a relationship and your answer is nebulous, unclear, or fuzzy, then she will probably be moving on as in pursuing other options which will lead to the commitment she is seeking.

Be honest even if you think it will hurt her because if there is one thing a woman respects, it is honesty.

What men mean: Men probably won’t say this as directly but show it more through their actions. There are subtle tests he will throw your way to check your level of interest in him and how you fit into his life. He will make himself available to you so you feel comfortable knowing that his interest is real.

He may become a little insecure when you are heading out for the night for friends because he wants to be a part of what you are doing. He may ask you in subtle ways how you feel about him. And he will invest quality time in you outside of the bedroom with more face-to-face time doing activities, figuring out your interests, and getting to know you. This continual time and investment of his time in you is his way of signaling to you that he is interested in you for the longer term and letting you know that he sees a future with you.

“Do whatever you want.”

What women mean: I know you think you’re SO is giving you the go-ahead. But here is the caveat behind her words to you and how you can know if it is indeed ok to go ahead and do what you want to do. If your SO has continuously and repeatedly told you there is a behavior you’re demonstrating or activity you are engaging in which makes them uncomfortable, but you continue to do it because you just want to or it makes you feel good even when it does the opposite for your SO, beware when you get this message.

It can mean one of two things:

  • It is a test of your loyalty to her and your relationship.
  • She no longer cares about it — which, for a woman who has feelings for you, isn’t typically a good thing.

It means she is compartmentalizing your relationship, the status it has in her life, and also could be a sign that she is moving towards eventually ending things with you. No one should be overly controlling in a relationship, but if your existing relationships or activities endanger or put a strain on your relationship, you have to determine what is most important for you to prioritize. And this, of course, applies to both parties.

What men mean: Again, men are more direct on this one. Usually, their “do whatever you want” will have something added to it such as, “and if you do I will.” And what this means in man speak is to think clearly before you move forward because it will impact our relationship and how I move forward with you.

Tread lightly and figure out what is driving his position on an action you want to take. Talking it through together will give you insight into how he sees the situation, possibly calm fears that may be unnecessary, and put you both on the same page.

Dead silence.

What women mean: Ever had an argument where you thought you shut down you’re SO and they went into a mode of dead silence? It’s not a good sign. When a woman goes silent, it is her way of getting to her man. Yes, we women can be chatty, sometimes to the point where you might be like, “okay, I need a little quiet time.” But on the heels of a heated discussion or argument, when a woman suddenly becomes extremely quiet following a disagreement, she is ticked off at you and you haven’t really resolved or won that argument.

Silence means she is more than likely fuming and also a way to punish you. If you are wrong, the best way to make this situation better is to admit it and apologize. And I get it, apologizing can be difficult for a man. I know you have this pride thing going on too. But I promise you, by taking this little step for mankind, you will get some extra points when you do your next stupid thing. She will be more forgiving because she will see you are willing to right the wrong, admit when you are wrong, and compromise.

What men mean: I need some quiet time. I’m trying to figure out some things and I need some silence to do so.

It can also signal irritation, frustration, and trying to not overreact especially if the two of you are in the midst of an argument or a disagreement. He might need this time to reset, calm down, and process what you two are discussing. Give him the downtime before proceeding forward with your discussion. It will give him time to digest what you have communicated to him and help him to be open to your recommendation and the proposed resolution.

“I’m seeing someone.”

What women mean: You’ve approached a woman you are very interested in dating. And she shuts you down with, “I have a boyfriend.”

If she says this and you find out it’s not true, it’s because she was trying to let you off easily. She doesn’t think you are her type. If you keep pursuing her, you are not getting the message. She isn’t attracted to you in that way. One small exception here is that sometimes some guys just know how to work it and will see this response as a challenge to pursue hard. And if things move forward, you have successfully changed her thinking.

But, if she continues to tell you messages repeatedly, she might, in fact, have a boyfriend. Or if she doesn’t, the best bet is she just isn’t that into you. She is not feeling you that way. Move on to the next one and save yourself the grief of this one-sided pursuit of a relationship.

What men mean: It really depends on the situation. When a man is serious about someone he is seeing, he will clearly communicate this to you and show it by his actions. It is pretty black and white and he will not give you an inkling of interest. However, if he is dating and he is on the fence and openly flirting and entertaining the idea of getting with you, then more than likely he is passing time in his current relationship(s). His relationship isn’t probably too serious and he is keeping his options open.

How you respond to this one is on you because it just depends on how you want to establish the relationship with him. If he has a long-term relationship with a woman but isn’t respecting her enough to let her know he is interested in other women, then it’s likely he will do the same to you. Tread lightly, move slowly, and set your standards of how you want to be treated early on if you move forward with this relationship.

“I like our friendship.”

What women mean: I know you don’t want to hear this, but women know if they will be intimate with a man and can figure this out within a short time period. We often quickly assess what category we will fit into within our lives. These categories often encompass a friend, potential for the future, someone for casual dating, or possibly long-term relationship material.

Yes, you are in the friend zone, and I know this can suck. And I don’t care what you do, how much time you spend with her, or how much emotional support you provide. If she feels you are for her, she will let you know by her actions, interactions, and priority you have in her life.

Now there can be exceptions to the rule where a man is so persuasive and endearing that he gets a woman to change her mind. But these exceptions tend to be rare. If she is telling you she loves your friendship, that’s it. She merely likes you as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t overthink this one.

What men mean: Men tend to show their cards early on even in a friendship. I do think it’s possible to be friends with a man and vice-versa, but understand some initial development of a friendship can be done with an intent to get to know you better.

Here is how you know the difference between a man wanting friendship with you versus something more. If he keeps it friendly i.e. small talk, advice about business, family, etc. likely he is interested in you as a friend.

However, if the talk goes to the gray areas i.e. talk about sexual intimacy, jokes about the two of you connecting physically, him getting a little jealous and judgmental when you discuss other men or those you are interested in dating, it can mean something different. Friends want to see their friends happy and they are there to be supportive of them being in relationships that add to their happiness. If you are getting feedback opposite of this or he tries to sabotage you being with someone in which you have a love interest, then something else is on his agenda.

Knowing how a woman expresses who she is and what she needs emotionally is half the battle. Understanding a man’s perspective and how he expresses himself can shape your relationship in an entirely different way.

Now that you are armed with the knowledge of what women and men say but really mean, it will help you to solidify and strengthen your relationship with your SO or help you in your pursuit of the one who can potentially be your SO

Content courtesy of Elizabeth Overstreet & Nairobi fashion hub Relationship Team

10 Common Words Used By Women In Relationships 

There have been many books written about the ways men and women communicate. While men and women share much in common, they often express it a little bit differently. Women are more verbose in nature and men tend to use fewer words leaving women guessing at their end game or intentions.

Here are 10 Common Words Used By Women

 

DON”T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT:  This means you were supposed to do something but didn’t. It means something was expected of you but you failed. It could be something simply, she asked you take out the garage, or expected you to do so, and you didn’t. Oops! Now she had to do it herself. Being the sensitive fellow you are, you ask innocently, “What’s Wrong”?  This will be met promptly with female response number 8:  “Nothing!” !!!

WHATEVER:  This single word has a multitude of meanings. Note carefully the stress of the voice, the inflection, the volume, and the body language that accompanies “whatever”.  The best defense, again, is no offense. Step away from fist swinging range.

THANKS A LOT:  This is not that same thing as “Thanks”. Do not confuse the two. This is pure sarcasm and you just stepped on a nerve or hot button. At this point, just walk away. Responding with “You’re Welcome” is inappropriate and will reignite any smoldering embers, or at least lead to a “Whatever.”

THANKS:  A woman is thanking you. Do not question it. Do not begin a dialog around it.  Just say you’re welcome. Leave well enough along. Do not poke the bear.

LOUD SIGH:  This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

THAT’S OKAY:  She’s already thinking of creative and provocative ways of how and when you will pay for your mistake.

LOUD SIGH:  This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

GO AHEAD:  (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare, one that will result in the female getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

NOTHING:  This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with a huffy “Fine”.

FIVE MINUTES:  This is half an hour. It is the equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade. “I’ll be ready in five minutes.”

FINE:  This is the word we use at the end of any argument when we know we’re right, but we want you to be quiet. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. That’s right, when we say, “How does this look on me honey?”, the wrong answer is “fine”.

 Content courtesy of Nairobi fashion hub Relationship Team

 

Aphrodisiac Corner

Better late than never. On Valentines Day, lots of sweet vibes are in the air and you need a little aphrodisiac.

These are foods that stimulates sexual desire and they don’t taste bad either. So here’s a list of what you should be snacking on.

Strawberries, looking a perfect red heart, it’s an edible Valentine. Rich in antioxidants & Vitamin C that helps increase blood flow

Dark Chocolate, it tastes makes you feel happy and releases endorphins. It almost feels like you’re falling in love.

Red Wine, it contains anti-oxidants and has masculine notes just like male pheromones. Also, it increases a woman’s’ desire to be with a man.

Saffron, it increases sexual desire. A long time ago, people believed that if a woman ate for a week then her lover would find irresistible.

Hot Chilies, when eaten they help you release endorphins and make you feel happy. Besides, they’ll help raise your body temperature & get you in the mood to strip down to your bare essentials.

Avocado, it promotes sexual health because it’s rich in beta carotene, magnesium and vitamin E. It’s also shaped like a woman’s uterus especially when cut in half.

Bananas, its packed with potassium & B vitamins and they help with sexual hormone production. Indian fertility gods are offered bananas as sacrifices.

Pomegranates, it’s a symbol of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love. RIch in Vitamin C and anti-oxidants. Helping men suffering from erectile dsyfunction improve their performance.

Vanilla, it smells amazing and its aroma will make you feel sensuous. You can use it in your bath to get you in the mood.

Honey, the nectar of Aphrodite. It’s a sensual experience eating honey since its sticky and sweet. It has a nutrient called Boron that helps increase sexual energy.

Coffee, it acts as an automatic stimulant on a daily basis. It excites the body, mind, mood & other things.

Pineapple, it feels sweet & juicy going down your throat. Loaded with Vitamin C so that you feel like you’re on seventh heaven and rich in antioxidants. It has manganese that fights impotence in men.

Marijuana, it can be a potent aphrodisiac that increases sexual pleasure. However, it can also decrease sexual arousal & lead to a low sperm count.

 

The 1st Date

It’s the month of love for most people even though others really dread it. I put up a WhatsApp status about Valentines being right around the corner & I was told to stop stirring the pot.

So if you’re brave, it means that you’re shooting your shot at the moment. Hoping that your crush or crushes, if you’re into polyamory, say yes to you.

So your crush has said yes & now you’re wondering about what’s next.  So here are a few tips

  1. Make sure that you ask out your crush to a public place. They’ll feel more comfortable & you don’t have to worry about them changing their mind.
  2. Don’t keep calling & texting them like you’re losing your mind. You don’t want to look like clingy and or desperate.
  3. On the date, don’t drop all your emotional baggage on them. It’s definitely not the moment to tell them that your mother has never loved since your child or your dad borrows money from you so he can blow it on liquor.
  4. Instead, make her laugh & keep it light. So she can loosen up around you and have fun.
  5. Don’t become too sexual on your her. This isn’t the moment to tell her about how you’ve been fantasizing about her since you met her.
  6. Don’t give her back-handed compliments e.g. you look nice but you’d look better with make-up.
  7. Don’t tell her that you love HER since it’s pretty self-explanatory. It’ll come off bad.
  8. Don’t drink yourself silly
  9. Don’t invite your friends since you don’t always have time to catch up. So you want to kill two birds with one stone. 

The Day After Valentines

The city has been caked in red with lots of balloons & roses to liven up all the restaurants.

Men crying foul because his date ordered fries, chicken burger & finished up with a chocolate brownie and caramel. Of course, she’s petite but she eats like a rabbit. 

Likewise, rose vendors have hustled through the day & all the extra coins are making their pockets heavy.

While, every love song has been playing on loop at your favourite radio station & you’re tired of hearing John Legends’ voice. 

Definitely, Facebook is filled with ‘I can’t believe he did it,’ ‘my bae is better than yours,’ ‘love conquers all,’ or ‘love is for birds.’

Whereas, your man has gone underground then you’re plucking off your red press-on nails as you breathe fire. If he did everything right, then, you’d be walking on sunshine.

Here are a few phrases, he might tell you and how to decode them.

a) It’s just a day I don’t know why you’re turning it into such a big deal. Since, you’re a not a big deal to me, I want you to drop this right now.

b) I’m busy till next week. I want to be alone. It’s not even a real holiday.

c) My phone died. Furthermore, I have limited imagination and don’t feel like making up excuses about missing Valentines.

d) Why can’t you treat me instead? Si life is all about equality nowadays. Similarly, I’m trying to push your buttons.

e) Ati a gift… I’ll give you the gift that never ends.  Of course, I’ll confuse you with sex so you can leave me alone.

f) I know what you like & I wanna treat you right. Definitely, it’s going to be an awesome day. 

g) You’re not really putting everything into one day. I thought that you weren’t like the other girls. Naturally, I’m trying to guilt into you giving me a pass on Valentines.

h) Why waste money on such silly things? In fact, I’m super broke & well I can’t really eat flowers so why waste money on that.

i) Is it a real day? Si i celebrate you every day. Finally, I wish you could stop bothering me with this nonsense.

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