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Sunday 14th of August 2022

Nairobi, Kenya

Masturbation 101: A Guide to Solo Sex for Women

Don’t be shy about self-love masturbation is a great way to learn about your own body, boost your emotional and physical health, and improve your sex life. Here are a few tips to get you started.

When I was around 10, I heard the word “masturbation” and didn’t know what it meant. I went to my trusty source, our aging dictionary (no Google back then), and read something that was equally puzzling. I remember standing at the top of the stairs and screaming down to my mother, “Mom? What’s self-pollution?”

(For the record, the real definition of masturbation is touching and stroking your own sex organs for pleasure.)

Women and Masturbating: We’ve Come a Long Way, Baby

Fortunately, women have come a long way from those days of shame and guilt about masturbating to today, when the lead characters on the Netflix comedy Grace and Frankie create a thriving business selling a vibrator designed for women of a certain age. Or when teen Aimee on Sex Education (another Netflix hit) learns a variety of ways to pleasure herself, thus empowering her to tell her boyfriend exactly what she wants. Far from being furtive and dirty, having a ménage à moi actually frees these women to embrace and claim their sexuality.

Men, in general, don’t get as much negative feedback about masturbating as women do. Historically, women’s sexuality has been defined by two purposes: to reproduce and to provide pleasure for men. Plus, since women are still socialized to put everyone’s needs before their own and to be caretakers, many feel that to do something that is solely for their own pleasure is the height of selfishness hence the guilt.

“It’s complicated because we have defined women’s lives as well as sexuality

5 Reasons Why Women Masturbate

In her studies, Dr. Bowman found five reasons why women masturbate:

  1. For sexual pleasure
  2. To learn about or better understand their bodies
  3. As a release
  4. As a substitute for partner sex
  5. Due to general sexual dissatisfaction

Women were most likely to enjoy the act without guilt or shame if they felt positive about their genitals and if they reported that they masturbate for sexual pleasure and to learn about their bodies. “There is a connection between the two, but we don’t know which causes which: Does sexual empowerment cause masturbation or does masturbation cause sexual empowerment?” says Bowman.

terms of what women can do for others” explains Christin Bowman, PhD, a critical social psychologist who did her master’s and doctorate theses on women and masturbation. “Masturbation as a solitary act is really just self-pleasuring, so there can be some emotion about you doing something that is all about you and your pleasure. It’s not productive; it’s just fun for you. That women’s own sexual pleasure also matters becomes a radical notion when you consider this long, long history of our attitude toward women’s sexuality.”

4 Health Benefits of Masturbation

According to Lou Paget, a certified sex educator and the author of Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming, getting lost in the deep end can boost your health profile for the following reasons:

  1. The pleasure quotient increases the release of the “feel good” hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin, the latter of which calms and reduces stress.
  2. You increase blood flow to the genital area, which keeps tissue stronger and healthier.
  3. Orgasmic contractions strengthen the pelvic floor.
  4. It is a means of “safe sex,” without the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Masturbation Will Improve Your Partnered Sexual Activity

Your partner isn’t a mind reader. If you don’t speak up that you like this but not that, they’ll never know and will keep on doing what they are doing. The more aware you are of what works for your body, the more you can communicate that to your partner in gentle, specific ways: “I like it better when you touch me there gently, not hard over there,” instead of “Ow, for the love of all that is holy, stop that!” The first approach shows that you are into it and willing to experiment; the second is just going to turn off your partner. Even better, you could masturbate with your partner. “Any time someone is able to gently guide someone, people will listen. Guiding each other to your respective sensitive spots can be really hot and intimate. You can use their hands on you to show the motion and pressure you like, and they can do the same with you,” says Paget.

If a woman is uncomfortable masturbating, she may have trouble with partnered sex as well. If you think you need to see a sex therapist, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists to find a certified professional near you.

Masturbation 101: Tips for Beginners

If you still can’t get past the notion that masturbation is dirty and obscene if every time you go there, your mother pops into your head, screaming at you that you’re disgusting you can learn to quell the noise. Paget says, “Your body is your body. No one else should control your sexuality. Tell yourself that this is healthy for you, and your body is a thing of beauty, not shame.”

Start off slowly if you have to; you don’t have to do everything at once. If you’re shy, cover yourself with a blanket. Get comfortable just touching yourself lightly and follow a sexy fantasy. Or just squeeze your thighs together in a rhythmic motion. Give yourself a chance to explore what works for you. Here are a few tips to get you started:

  • Stimulate your clitoris using a finger or an object to gently stroke the clitoris.
  • Insert your fingers or sex toys into your vagina.
  • Accept your fantasies. They’re yours; you don’t have to tell anyone.
  • Whatever type of erotica works for you, go for it. As Paget says, your largest sexual organ is your brain, so get it involved.
  • Get some of the mother’s little helpers: a vibrator, lubricant, ben wa balls, whatever knocks your socks off. (There are discreet online and brick-and-mortar shops for women. If you don’t want to leave a computer history, change your browser setting to private.)
  • Take a shower. “It’s where most people find out what they like. They are alone, naked, and touching their body. And for women with children, it is sometimes the only place they can be alone without being interrupted,” says Paget.
  • Avoid getting urinary tract infections. Anytime you are doing anything to your genitals, wash your hands before and afterward. Clean sex toys after using them, and this is one time when you should never share your toys. Anything that goes anally never goes vaginally.

Ready to go check your undercarriage now? Go ahead, you’ll feel better if you do!

Content courtesy of Everyday Health 

 

Having Hot Sex During Lockdown

The lockdown is becoming more intense as the days pass by. However, to fight against the Rona. All of us need to stay home, wash hands and practice social distancing. So, it’s not easy having hot sex during the lockdown.

So, since your Sex Guru is saving the world, one orgasm at a time.

A list has been put together on how to keep your sex life varied, fun and hot.

SOLO PLAY

Solo Play is all about getting sexual pleasure without a partner. Especially if you’re single or if your partner is in lockdown somewhere else. All you have to do is set the mood and fulfil your fantasies. It lets you take whatever pace you feel like try it in different places and different intensity levels. If you’ve been having a difficult time orgasming with a partner. This is the perfect way to experiment and find out what works for your body. Put on your favourite music tunes, lit up a vanilla candle and read up on some Literotica. Do whatever relaxes you and lets you concentrate on your pleasure.

 

SKYPE

If, you and your partner don’t stay in the same place and. It is risky planning a psychical meetup because of the pandemic. Choose a convenient time for both of you. Use Skype to your advantage. Both of you can have virtual sex online by talking dirty, masturbating and maintaining eye contact. There are wi-fi controlled sex toys that are perfect for long-distance sexual encounters.  Alternatively, you can wear sexy outfits and describe to each other your sexual fantasies for when you meet up again. 

 

ROMANTIC DATES

If you’re indoors, all day with your partner then doesn’t let them get bored. You can plan for fun, inhouse dates with each other. Like you can have fun cooking together in the kitchen, half-naked and feeding each other. Alternatively, you can snuggle up and do an activity that both of you enjoy, with no distractions. So put your electronic devices on flight mode. You can even help each other in the shower or massage each other and take time to understand your body. Use this time to build intimacy with each other and strengthen your emotional connection. This energy will help you build up to deeper and intense orgasms.

 

SEX TOYS

Feel free to experiment and have fun with sex toys. So try out your first one and becoming more sexually secure about your body. However, if you aren’t a novice, then you can always add a new toy. Have fun with your partner. Use the toys together, or let them watch you use them. It is also a fun way for you to learn new things about each other. You can release sexual tension whenever your partner doesn’t have the energy to satisfy you. They also let you focus on specific erogenous zones so you can feel pleasure instantly.

 

SEX BUCKET LIST

A sex bucket list is all those secret, sensual desires that you think about whenever you’re lying alone in bed. Things that you want to try out before your time runs out on this earth. You and your partner can both create a list of things that you’ve always wanted to try out. 

Here are a few ideas:

  1. Pretending that you’re masturbating alone till you achieve an orgasm
  2. Figuring out how to make her squirt
  3. Eating food from a naked body, so licking, nibbling and sucking in the process.
  4. Playing with a sex toy as a couple
  5. Role-playing your favourite sex scenes

 

WILDCARD

A wildcard is something unpredictable that keeps people on their toes. So if you’re the super-serious, corporate business lady, then let your partner walk in, while you’re doing house chores in a sexy outfit. It can be a simple see-through outfit with nothing underneath. So you can let his imagination run wild.

Alternatively, if your partner always leads, then you can tie him up. Gyrate on his body. Rub an ice cube on his body and lick him from head to toe. Take your time and have fun putting different sensations on his body.

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