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Friday 19th of August 2022

Nairobi, Kenya

Masturbation 101: A Guide to Solo Sex for Women

Don’t be shy about self-love masturbation is a great way to learn about your own body, boost your emotional and physical health, and improve your sex life. Here are a few tips to get you started.

When I was around 10, I heard the word “masturbation” and didn’t know what it meant. I went to my trusty source, our aging dictionary (no Google back then), and read something that was equally puzzling. I remember standing at the top of the stairs and screaming down to my mother, “Mom? What’s self-pollution?”

(For the record, the real definition of masturbation is touching and stroking your own sex organs for pleasure.)

Women and Masturbating: We’ve Come a Long Way, Baby

Fortunately, women have come a long way from those days of shame and guilt about masturbating to today, when the lead characters on the Netflix comedy Grace and Frankie create a thriving business selling a vibrator designed for women of a certain age. Or when teen Aimee on Sex Education (another Netflix hit) learns a variety of ways to pleasure herself, thus empowering her to tell her boyfriend exactly what she wants. Far from being furtive and dirty, having a ménage à moi actually frees these women to embrace and claim their sexuality.

Men, in general, don’t get as much negative feedback about masturbating as women do. Historically, women’s sexuality has been defined by two purposes: to reproduce and to provide pleasure for men. Plus, since women are still socialized to put everyone’s needs before their own and to be caretakers, many feel that to do something that is solely for their own pleasure is the height of selfishness hence the guilt.

“It’s complicated because we have defined women’s lives as well as sexuality

5 Reasons Why Women Masturbate

In her studies, Dr. Bowman found five reasons why women masturbate:

  1. For sexual pleasure
  2. To learn about or better understand their bodies
  3. As a release
  4. As a substitute for partner sex
  5. Due to general sexual dissatisfaction

Women were most likely to enjoy the act without guilt or shame if they felt positive about their genitals and if they reported that they masturbate for sexual pleasure and to learn about their bodies. “There is a connection between the two, but we don’t know which causes which: Does sexual empowerment cause masturbation or does masturbation cause sexual empowerment?” says Bowman.

terms of what women can do for others” explains Christin Bowman, PhD, a critical social psychologist who did her master’s and doctorate theses on women and masturbation. “Masturbation as a solitary act is really just self-pleasuring, so there can be some emotion about you doing something that is all about you and your pleasure. It’s not productive; it’s just fun for you. That women’s own sexual pleasure also matters becomes a radical notion when you consider this long, long history of our attitude toward women’s sexuality.”

4 Health Benefits of Masturbation

According to Lou Paget, a certified sex educator and the author of Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming, getting lost in the deep end can boost your health profile for the following reasons:

  1. The pleasure quotient increases the release of the “feel good” hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin, the latter of which calms and reduces stress.
  2. You increase blood flow to the genital area, which keeps tissue stronger and healthier.
  3. Orgasmic contractions strengthen the pelvic floor.
  4. It is a means of “safe sex,” without the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Masturbation Will Improve Your Partnered Sexual Activity

Your partner isn’t a mind reader. If you don’t speak up that you like this but not that, they’ll never know and will keep on doing what they are doing. The more aware you are of what works for your body, the more you can communicate that to your partner in gentle, specific ways: “I like it better when you touch me there gently, not hard over there,” instead of “Ow, for the love of all that is holy, stop that!” The first approach shows that you are into it and willing to experiment; the second is just going to turn off your partner. Even better, you could masturbate with your partner. “Any time someone is able to gently guide someone, people will listen. Guiding each other to your respective sensitive spots can be really hot and intimate. You can use their hands on you to show the motion and pressure you like, and they can do the same with you,” says Paget.

If a woman is uncomfortable masturbating, she may have trouble with partnered sex as well. If you think you need to see a sex therapist, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists to find a certified professional near you.

Masturbation 101: Tips for Beginners

If you still can’t get past the notion that masturbation is dirty and obscene if every time you go there, your mother pops into your head, screaming at you that you’re disgusting you can learn to quell the noise. Paget says, “Your body is your body. No one else should control your sexuality. Tell yourself that this is healthy for you, and your body is a thing of beauty, not shame.”

Start off slowly if you have to; you don’t have to do everything at once. If you’re shy, cover yourself with a blanket. Get comfortable just touching yourself lightly and follow a sexy fantasy. Or just squeeze your thighs together in a rhythmic motion. Give yourself a chance to explore what works for you. Here are a few tips to get you started:

  • Stimulate your clitoris using a finger or an object to gently stroke the clitoris.
  • Insert your fingers or sex toys into your vagina.
  • Accept your fantasies. They’re yours; you don’t have to tell anyone.
  • Whatever type of erotica works for you, go for it. As Paget says, your largest sexual organ is your brain, so get it involved.
  • Get some of the mother’s little helpers: a vibrator, lubricant, ben wa balls, whatever knocks your socks off. (There are discreet online and brick-and-mortar shops for women. If you don’t want to leave a computer history, change your browser setting to private.)
  • Take a shower. “It’s where most people find out what they like. They are alone, naked, and touching their body. And for women with children, it is sometimes the only place they can be alone without being interrupted,” says Paget.
  • Avoid getting urinary tract infections. Anytime you are doing anything to your genitals, wash your hands before and afterward. Clean sex toys after using them, and this is one time when you should never share your toys. Anything that goes anally never goes vaginally.

Ready to go check your undercarriage now? Go ahead, you’ll feel better if you do!

Content courtesy of Everyday Health 

 

Survey Of Female Sexual Pleasure Reveals What Women Really Want

What do women want? You’re going to have to ask them. That’s the conclusion of the largest study to analyze the diversity of female sexual pleasure, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. The researchers aim to break down the ways in which women find pleasure, giving couples insight into how to boost their love life.

Debby Herbenick at Indiana University and her colleagues discovered that women’s preferences in the bedroom vary dramatically, but there are a few things that most tend to enjoy. A word of warning: this is going to get graphic.

The study asked 1,055 heterosexual women in the U.S. to answer a questionnaire that covered everything from sexual attitudes down to their preferred pattern of genital stimulation. The participants ranged from 18 to 94 years old.

Their answers were revealing: More than 36% of women reported needing clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, while less than a fifth reported that intercourse alone was sufficient. An additional 36% said that clitoral stimulation wasn’t necessary, but made for a better orgasm.

The majority of women said that some orgasms feel better than others, whereas 10.8% reckoned they all feel the same.

When asked about their ideal techniques, two-thirds preferred direct clitoral stimulation. Of those that preferred indirect stimulation, the majority preferred touching “through the skin above the hood,” while a smaller number preferred touching “through both lips pushed together (like a sandwich).” Fewer than 10% of women enjoyed stimulation to their mons pubis the squishy area of tissue above the pubic bone. Around 5% preferred it when their partner avoided the clitoris altogether.

When the women were asked about what pattern of stimulation they enjoyed, most indicated that a repeated rhythmic motion was ideal. The least preferred pattern involved a partner putting extreme emphasis on one part of the motion, for instance, more pressure on the left side of the genitals.

That said, the results suggest that it’s hard to go wrong in this department 13 out of the 15 different patterns of stimulation given as options were endorsed by the majority of respondents.

Something else most women agreed on: light to medium pressure on the genitals is best. Only 1 in 10 said they preferred firm pressure during stimulation.

The results show unsurprisingly that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to getting hot under the covers. The women in the study showed a wide variety of preferences as a group, yet on an individual level tended to endorse a narrow range of techniques that they specifically enjoyed. Which all just underscores the value of talking about sex with your partner.

There are a few things that will get you by in the meantime. More than half the women in the study said that spending time to build arousal, having a partner who knows what they like and emotional intimacy contributed to better orgasms. And one last thing: stamina is less important than you might think. Less than one in five women indicated that “sex that lasts a long time” made orgasms feel better.

I’ll be investigating other aspects of your love life in future posts. I’ll be finding out whether the G-spot actually exists, uncovering the science of female ejaculation, discovering why orgasms are good for the brain and how soon we’ll be getting our hands on a male contraceptive pill.

Content courtesy of Forbes

The Underrated Sex Technique Every Couple Needs To Try

Mutual masturbation is when you pleasure yourself as your partner watches or when you both masturbate together. It can be one of the most intimate and exciting types of sex you’ll ever have. But mutual masturbation is seriously underrated. It’s hardly talked about and often dismissed as awkward or uncomfortable.

That makes sense in a way mutual masturbation sees both parties in a super personal, vulnerable state. Are you really ready for that? Andrea Balboni, Certified Love, Sex & Relationship Therapist at Zoe Clews & Associates, says that mutual masturbation is well worth a try.

As you explore this new territory of mutual satisfaction, there’s a chance to learn about what you like best together and separately. She tells  ‘Because many of us have learned to masturbate on our own in private, it can feel incredibly thrilling to be witnessed and at the same time frightening as it feels supremely naughty. ‘Mutual masturbation allows you to free your inner voyeur and exhibitionist as you put on display and watch what most people will never see. ‘It feels exclusive and risky and, did I mention, naughty?

‘Full acceptance by your partner for what you’re sharing can help clear inhibitions and shame, a pleasure killer for many people.

You’ve cleaned the runway for a takeoff into orgasmic bliss.’ It’s not all about the dirty stuff. Andrea notes that mutual masturbation can help to build intimacy – and may even be the most intimate thing you can do with your partner. It can also act as a language when talking about sex is difficult. We do not mind readers, and unless there is communication, how are we to know what our partner truly loves?

‘Mutual masturbation allows for a new form of communication to emerge’, continues Andrea, ‘one full of sound as you allow to emerge any moans or sighs that want to come out naturally. ‘You let your body communicate through movement, where you like to be touched and how. Your partner can watch and learn what pressure works for you and the speed you like to go at. Not to mention the time it takes you to get fully aroused.

‘You can tell your partner how good it feels, what you like, how hot it is, how turned on you are, and when you’re about to climax. ‘And you can change things up by telling them what you want them to do to themselves.’ As your partner learns about you and your pleasure, you may even both find yourselves feeling more confident.

Mutual masturbation can lead you to be a pro in the bedroom when it comes to both your and your partner’s needs and confidence is sexy, right? Andrea adds: ‘Contrary to popular belief, no one can “give” you an orgasm.

Your pleasure is yours and you experience it within your body. ‘So while a partner can support you in realizing your pleasure potential, it’s up to you to create the right conditions for you to allow your orgasmic bliss to blossom like a wild jungle flower within you. ‘And as mutual masturbation removes performance anxiety  a passion killer like no other there is much more space for pleasure to emerge.’ So, now that we’ve explained why mutual, consensual masturbation is a great way to make your sex life stronger, let’s talk about how to get involved.

Content courtesy of Metro 

 

A List Of Sexual Health Resources Worth Checking Out

Disclaimer: Sex Guru is not a sex therapist or a sexologist. Please seek professional help, if needed.

 

We’ve put together a list of sexual health resources worth checking out.

 

It’s natural to be curious about sex because we’re all having it or thinking about it. However, finding information about it isn’t always easy. 

 

The Spread

Karen Lucas has a FB page called The Spread Podcast plus a YouTube page, where she talks about differently sexuality matters and answers questions from Kenyans.  Additionally, there’s also a festival where they discuss topics like sex and disabilities, or religion and bedroom matters plus other healthy, sexual conversations worth following.

 

Shan Boody

A sexologist that explores all topics that you’ve ever wondered about but no-one has ever had the courage to ask. She covers topics like fingering, oral sex and how to be sexy on a date. Of course, she also interacts with other people about sexual matters so that her content has diverse perspectives.

 

Sexual Essentials

Samia is a sexual educator that runs an interactive page on Instagram. It’ll also include videos that are guaranteed to improve your sexual life plus new positions that you can try out with your partners. She also includes masterclasses in her content.

 

Sexology International

Sexology International is a site that focuses on different elements of sexuality through articles from different sexology experts. They’re all about helping out people on a sensual journey to get the most out of relationships, sex and life. It’s all about promoting a sex-positive lifestyle that encourages healthy pleasure and experimentation.

 

Sex Positive Families

Sex Positive Families makes it easier for families to have awkward sexual conversations that include topics like sex, consent, puberty and relationships. It also includes resources that make it easier for parents and guardians to make sure that their kids are well-informed so that they can make better sexual decisions especially since the media has a lot of hypersexualisation.

 

Kama Sutra

Kama Sutra is an ancient, Indian text that deals with sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfilment.  It’s best known for unusual sexual positions and most publications with a sex category usually get inspiration from it. So you can either Google different Kama Sutra positions or you can buy a book, that you can always use for having fun and experimenting with your partner.

 

Tag NFH if you have any sexual resources that you feel, should be added to this list.

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