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Thursday 29th of September 2022

Nairobi, Kenya

Dating A Celibate

In life, you’re usually in a relationship, situationship, it’s complicated or single. Of course, sex is everywhere, so how does celibacy & sex co-exist.

It’s the first date, you can feel the rising heat, and sexual tension burning right in front of you.

It’s a struggle to look anywhere else for both you. He’s looking at you, like a cold milkshake on a hot day. You’re looking at him, like a tall dark coffee, no cream, no sugar.

However, you’re celibate for personal reasons, and this doesn’t shape your outlook. You still love doing normal stuff & hanging out with friends.

So a man is wondering, about how he can get to know you better but still cautious around you. Naturally, he cares but he’s very new to this.

So here are a few tips to help him out.

1. Don’t rationalize that it’s a phase of her life that will end soon instead respect her beliefs. 

2. Decide if you can survive in a sex-less relationship. If the temptation to cheat is too high, then just leave her. 

3. Communicate with him/her, and understand where they’re coming from. This will help you understand how long they plan on staying celibate. Is it till marriage or till a strong emotional connection happens?

4. Don’t try manipulating or pressurizing them into sleeping with you.

5. Don’t assume that they can’t care deeply & intensely just because they choose not to be intimate with you.

6. Don’t make assumptions about their past since celibacy can be practised by anyone regardless of experience.

7. You can still do fun stuff with them, don’t label them as boring and leave them.

The 1st Date

It’s the month of love for most people even though others really dread it. I put up a WhatsApp status about Valentines being right around the corner & I was told to stop stirring the pot.

So if you’re brave, it means that you’re shooting your shot at the moment. Hoping that your crush or crushes, if you’re into polyamory, say yes to you.

So your crush has said yes & now you’re wondering about what’s next.  So here are a few tips

  1. Make sure that you ask out your crush to a public place. They’ll feel more comfortable & you don’t have to worry about them changing their mind.
  2. Don’t keep calling & texting them like you’re losing your mind. You don’t want to look like clingy and or desperate.
  3. On the date, don’t drop all your emotional baggage on them. It’s definitely not the moment to tell them that your mother has never loved since your child or your dad borrows money from you so he can blow it on liquor.
  4. Instead, make her laugh & keep it light. So she can loosen up around you and have fun.
  5. Don’t become too sexual on your her. This isn’t the moment to tell her about how you’ve been fantasizing about her since you met her.
  6. Don’t give her back-handed compliments e.g. you look nice but you’d look better with make-up.
  7. Don’t tell her that you love HER since it’s pretty self-explanatory. It’ll come off bad.
  8. Don’t drink yourself silly
  9. Don’t invite your friends since you don’t always have time to catch up. So you want to kill two birds with one stone. 
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