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Monday 24th of June 2024

Nairobi, Kenya

The Silent Libido’s Killer!

By definition, libido is the sexual urge that initiates sexual activity. Libido levels are correlated with sex hormone levels in the body, which peak during adolescence and then decrease as people age. Furthermore, the daily stressors in your life might diminish your libido and render your intimacy with your spouse as dead as a doornail.
Reduced libido in women will result in painful coitus, dry vagina, poor sexual response, inability to become aroused, and lack of sexual desire.

Moreover, research indicates that individuals with adequate sleep typically exhibit elevated libido and a sensual disposition, with their chambers glowing! That gives you an excuse to sleep more now! Drugs have an impact on libido levels as well. Libido reduction has been observed as a side effect of some medications used to treat conditions including depression, high blood pressure, HIV infection, and birth control pills.
Talk to your doctor about any medications you take before having a sexual encounter with your partner, if you’re on any.

Just be sure your libido isn’t being negatively impacted by the adverse effects.

People have traditionally thought of alcohol as a sex stimulant. To what extent is this true? Is it true or just a myth? Contrary to popular belief, there is no evidence that alcohol boosts libido. Alcohol diminishes libido, decreases brain function, and sedates the brain. It kills the sex drive instead of enhancing it.
But why is it that drunk individuals tend to have more sex? Alcohol makes individuals more open-minded and gives them the confidence to engage in activities they normally wouldn’t, like having sex.
It also impairs the conscious mind. As previously said, an alcohol binge will cause your brain to shut down, which will lower your libido.

Thus, the next time you go to the pub hoping to be laid, remember not to push yourself, have a drink or two, and let yourself enjoy the company of the sex!

It’s essential to recognize that libido can be influenced by a combination of physical, psychological, and emotional factors. If someone is experiencing persistent issues with libido, it’s advisable to consult with a healthcare professional or a qualified therapist to address the underlying causes and explore potential solutions.

Open communication with a partner and seeking support from healthcare professionals can play a crucial role in overcoming libido-related challenges.

Content courtesy of LiShe Love & NFH Digital Team

Top 20 List of African Food to Help You Boost Your Sex Life

A healthy sexual life is closely linked to your daily activities, the activities you engage in, and the foods you consume. We are all familiar with the proverb, “You are what you eat!” Yes, it is accurate! Your lifestyle and sexual life are determined by the food you eat.
A good diet is necessary for a healthy sexual life, and vice versa.
Do you want to have a healthier sexual life in general, boost your libido, and intensify your sexual excitement?

If so, you should begin integrating these meals into your routine to improve your quality of life in bed.
You’ll soon have the greatest sexual life you deserve.

Cook your way into a new era marked by a sharp rise in sexually healthy relationships. Here are a few listings of naturally occurring foods that are particularly health-promoting from Africa.

1. Pawpaw (Papaya)
“Sweet like sugar; yellow like Fanta! Everybody likes Pawpaw!”. Papaya is estrogenic, meaning it mimics the female hormone estrogen. Low levels of estrogen can hurt your libido as a woman.

2. Green leaves (Spinach and others)
This leafy green, along with some other green vegetables, is a potent source of magnesium, zinc, and manganese, which help dilate blood vessels and the production of sperm and sex hormones.

3. Eggs
A staple for all households and a good source of protein. Eggs, which are rich in vitamins B6 and B5, for balanced hormone levels. Too many eggs might exert the opposite effect in terms of blood flow to the sex organs, so moderation is crucial.

4. Avocado
Who doesn’t love avocados? They make it into almost every “food for better sex” smoothie, thanks to the natural fatty acids and potassium that help increase libido and erection.

5. Bananas
Yet another tropical fruit! The iconic fruit of sexual fantasy! Which lady will not fancy a banana? Since they’re rich in potassium and B vitamins like riboflavin, bananas are a good way to keep up your man’s testosterone production.

6. Freshwater fish (catfish)
Did I hear you say you don’t like fish? Fresh fish and pepper soup is a staple in Africa! Omega-3 fatty acids! Since catfish and other fatty fish are full of them, start loading up on the sex-boosting benefits of this fish.

7. Beans
A zinc powerhouse and a good source of protein that will help keep your man’s sperm healthy, according to new research, and helps in anabolic body-building.

8. Watermelon
You can get quite a bit of sexual satisfaction from watermelon, thanks to a phytonutrient called citrulline that is said to promote smooth muscle relaxation.

9. Oysters and other saltwater seafood
Yes, they’re said to be an aphrodisiac, but oysters are also great thanks to their high doses of zinc and omega-3 fatty acids, which improve sperm count in sub-fertile men, improve erection, and give good libido

10 Strawberries
Red! The symbol of love! Every dessert with a final touch of strawberries is yummy! Thanks to the high contents of B vitamin folate and vitamin C, they can boost your libido!

11. Yogurt
Looking to go on the “better sex diet”? Have your man go for the yogurt instead, which is high in zinc as well! It may also help to improve vaginal flora.

12. Broccoli
Rich in multivitamins and vital for DNA strength, there’s plenty of folate in broccoli (and cauliflower), which helps in metabolism and increases libido.

13. Milk (dairy product)
Did you say he doesn’t love milk? Well, time to start! It’s a natural way to boost red blood cells in the bloodstream, an important cell for oxygen distribution. Also, it is rich in protein, potassium, calcium, and sodium and helps boost sex drive and orgasm.

14. Eggplant (garden egg)
It’s so delicious to eat, and eggplant is said to increase both men’s and women’s sexual stamina. It eliminates frigidity and elevates sexual performance in men and women because of its positive effects on the sexual desire centers in the brain. Hey, why not try?

15. Chicken (poultry)
Another one of our favorite zinc powerhouses, dark meat chicken (along with beef and pork), is good for your man’s sperm health. Rich sources of coenzyme Q10, D-aspartic acid, and L-arginine. However, moderation is crucial.

16 Cherries
Full of anthocyanin, which protects your artery walls and helps prevent fatty plaques, he should be having more cherries and berries in his diet.

17. Cashews and its nut
Who doesn’t love this delicious fruit? As one of our favorite zinc powerhouses, it’s time to eat up! I promise your sperm will be active and healthy!

18. Mango
This is a delicious fruit. Who doesn’t eat mango in Africa? Try fresh mango fruit juice! So nice! Mango is rich in multivitamins that help increase blood flow to the sex organs and increase sexual excitement! Not bad!

19. Chilli Peppers
I like it hot! Do you? Pepper is the source of Western African hotness and stamina. However, Central and Southern Africa seem not to like pepper. If you like it hot, then it’s time to rejoice! The spice in chili peppers contains capsaicin, which dilates blood vessels and promotes blood circulation.

20. Dark Chocolate
Finally, this list would not be complete without Acholate. A man’s companion during a romantic moment! Love and chocolate. Dark chocolate contains a compound called phenylethylamine and magnesium that releases the same endorphins that are triggered during sex and make the attraction between you grow.

Start tonight!

Content courtesy of Lishe Love & NFH Digital Team 

Why Do Men Cheat?

Cheating can be extremely detrimental and damaging to a relationship, as it can break down the trust, honesty, and respect that are at the core of any successful and long-term relationship. And while it’s important to recognize the warning signs that your man may be cheating on you, such as he acts out of character, he desperately wants his privacy, and he suddenly cares more about his looks, it’s equally important to understand the underlying reasons why men are unfaithful in the first place.

It’s no secret that men are far more likely to cheat on their partners than women are. If you need any proof of this and you probably don’t consider that the vast majority of Ashley Madison’s 37 million “active” users were overwhelmingly male. (Like, 99.99999 percent male.) And, more recently, a 2015 YouGov poll found that 21 percent of men (compared to 19 percent of women) had actually admitted to cheating in the past. But the question remains: why do men cheat?

Here are 15 reasons that may lead a man to cheat:

1. An ex walked back into the picture.

It’s the tale as old as time: the one that got away. “A lot of times when we’re in a rough spot in our current relationship,” says Shirey, “we tend to disqualify the good.”

And when an ex shows up, “we remember that spark.” So you’ve got a situation where he’s ignoring the good parts about his current relationship and ignoring the bad parts the parts that likely led to the breakup in the first place of his old relationship. That’s a recipe for disaster.

2. He’s immature

One of the main reasons why men cheat is simply a matter of immaturity. When a man is immature, this unappealing attribute can impact a relationship in many different ways. For example, men who are immature often put themselves first in most situations, don’t take into consideration their partner’s feelings, insist on being right even when they’re wrong, and are characteristically unreliable and irresponsible. To that end, being immature is also heavily related to acting impulsively, as most men who are immature tend to give in to their basic temptations and desires without a care or concern for the repercussions of their actions and the possible negative effects that their behavior can have on others.

3. His emotional needs aren’t being met

Another primary reason why men cheat pertains to their emotional needs and desires. In fact, it’s been shown that nearly 50 percent of men who cheat do so because they feel emotionally unfulfilled, unhappy, and unsatisfied in their relationship. In other words, men cheat in order to feel valued and emotionally supported, both of which they may not sense they receive from their partner.

And rather than finding ways to have their emotional needs met in their current relationship, such as by frequently communicating with their partner, openly discussing their feelings and concerns, as well as having realistic and sensible expectations of their significant other, these men often seek out another person (or people) who can provide them with the emotional satisfaction, support, and empathy that they believe they’re lacking.

Whether men are looking to feel appreciated and desired or are simply searching for a shoulder to cry on, a lack of emotional fulfillment is powerful enough to drive men to cheat. It should be noted that less than 15 percent of men rated the women they were cheating with as more beautiful and physically appealing than their current partner, which again underscores that men cheat in large part due to a strong emotional connection with someone else.

4. His physical needs aren’t being met

When looking more closely at the real reasons why men cheat, a lack of sexual fulfillment in his current relationship is also a key underlying factor behind a man’s infidelity. Specifically, a study in the International Journal of Sexual Health revealed that one of the major motivators in a man’s decision to start an affair was his desire for sexual satisfaction that was lacking or completely absent from his present relationship. With this in mind, it’s not too surprising that an additional sign that a man may be cheating is that he stops being physically intimate with his partner since his sexual needs are being met by someone new.

Along these lines, men reported that sexual curiosity was a major incentive to cheat, as it’s not only a search for physical gratification that impelled them to be unfaithful but also a strong desire for new sexual experiences that are more alluring and appealing. It’s also interesting to note that men are more likely to cheat because of unmet sexual needs than women.

5. He’s insecure

When a man is insecure, he may feel unworthy of being with his partner, he may constantly worry about his partner’s continued interest level, and he may continually need reassurance, support, and approval from his partner in a wide range of circumstances. Typically, insecure men are typically very needy, and they incessantly seek out validation in order to prove to their partners, and more importantly themselves, that they’re good enough. With this in mind, research has found that men who are insecure in their relationships are more likely to cheat, as noted in a study in the Journal of Family Psychology.

In other words, because of a man’s insecurities, lack of confidence, and underlying fears that he’s not good enough, he ends up looking for reassurance and affirmations of self-worth from others, both in and out of his relationship. In fact, an insecure man may be so worried about the state of his relationship that his fear of losing his partner can actually induce him to cheat, which in essence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In a word, his lack of confidence ends up destroying the very foundation of the relationship he’s worried about losing.

6. He’s an egomaniac

On the flip side, while insecure men are likely to cheat, so too are men with an overblown sense of importance and self-worth. Specifically, egomaniacs believe that the entire world revolves around them, and not only do they think that they’re incredibly attractive, smart, successful, and talented, but they’ll be the first ones to tell you that. And when looking at egomaniacs in terms of infidelity, it’s interesting to note that their inordinately inflated sense of self in conjunction with their desire to be the focus of attention makes them likely candidates to cheat on their partner.

In one study, research in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that married men who are sexual narcissists, meaning that they only care about their own physical needs and lack any real concern or interest in their partner’s wants and desires, are more likely to have affairs. In other words, narcissistic and self-aggrandizing men who believe their needs should always take precedence over the needs of others are more likely to seek satisfaction, praise, and attention outside of their relationship.

7. His father was a cheater

When looking at the real reasons why men cheat, there’s also evidence that cheating can run in the family. Specifically, cheating can actually be a learned behavior that boys pick up during childhood. In fact, it’s been shown that men are more likely to cheat if their fathers were cheaters, as noted in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. This is due to the fact that during childhood, men look to their fathers as examples and role models of what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors aren’t. And when they see their father cheat, this type of behavior is ingrained into their own minds and becomes normalized as a way to deal with certain circumstances and relationship issues.

To that end, the example set by their fathers is how young boys learn to deal with many different situations, and they’ll likely mimic their father’s behavior in the future because it’s all they know. It’s also interesting to note that women in this study were not more likely to cheat if their fathers were cheaters, which highlights just how important a father’s role is in terms of shaping the future actions of his son.

8. His friends are cheaters

But the powerful role that friendship can play regarding a man’s propensity to cheat doesn’t stop there, as his friends can also highly influence his future behavior and rational decision-making. Along these lines, a study in the Journal of Consumer Research revealed a person’s friends can heavily impact his or her decision to give in to temptation, as friends are more likely to band together when they decide to act impulsively and irrationally. In other words, there’s power in numbers, and if your man surrounds himself with friends who make poor decisions, such as being unfaithful, he’s more likely to make similarly poor decisions due to their influence.

9. He’s being cheated on

An additional reason why men cheat is simply due to the fact that their partner is cheating on them. And under this kind of distressing circumstance, many men look outside of their relationship as a way to seek revenge and get back at their partner for committing this offense against them. In addition, these men also start affairs in order to regain a sense of power and control after being the victim of infidelity. It’s also been shown that men who are being cheated on engaging in their own indiscretions as a way to distract themselves from the pain, betrayal, shame, and/or anger that they may feel because of their cheating partner. And starting an affair can help them refocus their energy and divert their attention away from their partner’s hurtful actions.

However, for many men, this approach is typically not the best course of action when dealing with a cheating partner because it can actually make them feel worse about themselves and the situation in general. After all, men who start an affair in reaction to their partner’s affair often end up undercutting their self-esteem even more by engaging in behaviors that go against their personal values, ethics, and morals.

10. He’s worried about his sexual performance

While it may seem counter-intuitive, men who have anxiety about their sexual abilities are actually more likely to cheat on their partner. In fact, researchers from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction, as well as the University of Guelph in Ontario found that men who had sexual performance issues had a greater likelihood of being unfaithful.

One explanation for this seemingly conflicting result is that men are less inhibited when they’re with someone who isn’t their partner, and they tend to feel less nervous, worried, and concerned about their performance with this new person. Along these lines, another explanation is that cheating provides men with the opportunity to be with someone who isn’t aware of their past sexual performance issues, and being with this new person can actually help to lower the pressure to perform and please this new person. It’s also thought that men with sexual performance problems cheat in order to help themselves overcome these sexual issues in an environment that’s free of the judgment, ridicule, and/or embarrassment they may feel when they’re with their partner.

11. He’s feeling depressed or anxious.

Everyone experiences depressed feelings and anxiety to a certain degree. The issue is whether or not those thoughts come from the relationship. “If he’s feeling lonely within his relationship, emasculated in some way, or angry with his partner,” says Laurel Steinberg, PhD, a New York-based relationship therapist and professor of psychology at Columbia University, it could certainly lead a man to cheat. However, “it’s important to note that cheating [tends to] exacerbate existing anxiety and depression.” Thus, the circle remains unbroken.

12. Evolution is to blame.

There’s that old adage, where every man wants to sleep with as many women as possible “spread his seed,” so to speak and every woman wants to find one mate “lock him down.” We’re writers, not evolutionary psychologists, and cannot possibly hope to speak about the truth of that thinking, so we’ll let Shirey take it away: “There are some theories out of evolutionary psychology.

The theory is that, because women only have a chance of reproduction once a month, they tend to be much more discriminating in choosing a partner. Whereas men can basically have a chance of reproduction every time they ejaculate.”

13. He has potential psychopathic tendencies.

As Shirey mentioned, most people don’t wake up with the malicious intent to betray or hurt their partner. Well, most. “Maybe it’s a personality disorder, or are deeply anti-social, or have narcissistic tendencies,” says Shirey. Whatever the reason, “they need to address it themselves.” Until that happens, this man will hurt any- and everyone romantically involved with him. Run.

14. He’s addicted to sex.

“In very few instances, there are people who have a legitimate sex addiction,” says Shirey. Sex triggers dopamine receptors the pleasure center of the brain. And like anything else that triggers dopamine see: cocaine, heroin it can be addictive. For some people, dopamine activates more from sex than from other things. “A lot of people try to use it as a cop-out, though,” says Shirey. Fellas, don’t do that. Remember: “very few instances.”

15. Poor judgment and willpower are at fault.

“You’re more likely to put yourself in a situation where infidelity could occur if you’re not happy in your relationship,” says Mark. Whether you’re agreeing to tequila shots at a club with your buddies or, even more dangerous, agreeing to one-on-one happy hour with that cute new associate in accounting people who are committed to and satisfied with their relationship will avoid those scenarios. ‘

If he actively and repeatedly decides to engage in risky situations, something’s up. “People know the consequences of infidelity,” says Mark. “It’s not a secret. It does tear couples apart.”

Where Do We Go from Here?

Interestingly, after working with hundreds of couples attempting to process and overcome a male (or female) partner’s cheating, it is clear to me that it’s not any specific sexual act that does the most damage to a committed relationship. It’s the ongoing pattern of secrets and lies that surrounds the cheating that causes a loving partner the most pain. The profound and repeated betrayal of relationship trust causes the most pain. And most cheated-on partners will agree that their feelings of being betrayed are just as profound when a loved one is giving himself away online as when there is alive, in-vivo affair.

Sadly, most men (and women) who choose to break a vow of monogamy to an intimate partner don’t realize the profound effects their behavior can have on that loved one. One important recent study found that the wives of men who’ve discovered a pattern of infidelity in their partners often experience acute stress symptoms similar to those found in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Unsurprisingly, the emotional damage caused by infidelity can be difficult to overcome, even with the help of an experienced marriage or couples counselor. That said if both partners are committed to behavior change and healing, most relationships can be saved, even strengthened, after and despite an affair. For some wives and spouses, however, the repeated violation of trust is too much; they are unable to experience the necessary emotional safety required to rebuild a relationship and move on. In such cases, solid, neutral relationship therapy can help to help negotiate a break-up, offering direction for both individuals to move on with their lives.

Content courtesy of The List, Best life Online, Psychology Today & Nairobi fashion hub 

 

Why Married People Cheat and Common Causes of Infidelity in a Marriage

Infidelity is one of the most distressing things you can experience in a romantic relationship. Here’s why lovers are motivated to be unfaithful, There are many causes of infidelity in a marriage, but among our modern society of instant gratification, these are the most common.

Is infidelity the chicken or the egg? Is it caused by a loveless marriage or rather by a marriage partner who is unwilling to commit and work through problems?

Infidelity is costly it can lead to tears, break-ups, divorces, and even violence. So why do people do it?

The question haunts lovers and fascinates researchers, with a recent study offering some sobering findings: You could be doing everything right and your partner could still be tempted to cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the quality of feelings you share.

The following are some of my thoughts on the causes of infidelity in marriage:

1. Lack of love

Feeling that your partner is not “The One” for you. No longer feeling passionate love or even falling out of love. Perceiving the relationship to be boring, dull, or stagnant. “Lack of love is a powerful motivation it’s definitely one of the stronger ones,” Selterman noted.

2. Sexual desire

Feeling unsatisfied with the sex life you have in your relationship, perhaps because your partner has lost interest or you want to try something new that your partner can’t give you. “We also found people might be motivated to test the waters with regards to their own orientation or identity,” he said.

3. Neglect

Feeling that your partner is not paying enough attention to you or not spending enough time with you. Not feeling appreciated.

4. Situation

When you’re in a different setting or not quite yourself perhaps when you’re on vacation, drunk, or under a lot of stress you may have a momentary urge to sexually explore that would not necessarily be part of your stable, everyday behavior. “Landmark events,” such as an upcoming 40th birthday, may also lead you to cheat. One study showed “9-enders“ people who are 29, 39, 49, and so on may seek an affair as they approach a new decade to try to find meaning in their life.

5. Variety

You live by the motto “You only live once,” so you want to try lots of sexual experiences with as many partners as possible.

6. The Internet

The Internet is a major facilitator of infidelity. It is much easier to find forbidden fruit online than it is in person.  There are so many websites where people can meet with no questions asked. Think of the tag line of Ashley Madison – “Life is Short. Have an Affair.”

7. Running Away from Problems

Running away from problems is a major contributor to infidelity. Making excuses rather than facing the music with your spouse opens the door to infidelity, especially emotional affairs. I have heard many examples where a spouse would tell me that he or she has found a coworker with a shoulder to lean on. It should be no surprise that sympathetic coworkers regularly become participants in illicit affairs.

8. Pornography

Pornography is rampant on the Internet – but does this lead to affairs? Does it lead to emotional affairs and the death of love and trust? Absolutely! Internet and “porn addiction” are significant factors causing the breakdown of marriages today. And you might be surprised to know that this problem is not discriminatory toward men. More and more women suffer from the Internet and porn addiction today just as much as men.

9. Escort Services

Escort services and the like, including “online massages,” etc., are much more attainable in our age of social media than it ever was before. Scrutinizing credit card charges is but one of the contributing factors as to why divorces are expensive.

10. Facebook

Facebook is now a contributing factor to about a third of all divorces. A couple of years ago, that number was 25%. You can meet anyone online. I have had cases where someone reconnected with a high school sweetheart and ran off during the divorce even though the sweetheart lived over 3,000 miles away. An online fantasy that the “grass is greener on the other side” is a significant cause in the breakdown of marriages today.

11. Boredom

Boredom can lead to an affair. Many people fall into routines, including tired routines in the bedroom. What do you do to keep your marriage fresh? Many divorces could be possibly avoided if people took the time and commitment to communicate verbally and physically and keep things exciting. Some people look for excitement to escape boredom. It can be by experimenting with other relationships, trying drugs, fast cars, or hanging out with different people. I once had a case where a husband wanted a ménage à trois for his milestone birthday. His wife agreed to the gift.  Over time, the couple experimented with wife-swapping and ultimately his wife ran off with someone else.

12. Growing Apart with Your Partner

People grow apart. Do you and your spouse have the same goals anymore? Do you want to ride off into the sunset together after the children are grown? Is your spouse your best friend?

13. Addiction

Alcohol and drugs often go hand in hand with affairs. I have seen many cases where a spouse will trade one addiction for another. A person’s addiction to drugs or alcohol is chemically no different than an addiction to the Internet, porn, food, or any other unhealthy excess.

14. Not Married for the Right Reasons

Did you marry for the right reason? Or better yet, did you become the “right” person for your spouse? Do you both have enough in common? If not, you will often look for that commonality in the arms of someone else.

15. Lack of Respect at Home

Does your spouse treat you well? Do you treat your spouse well in return? Over the years I have seen many doctors, for example, run off with their nurse or other medical support staff. It’s really not surprising that doctors, in general, are often worshipped by their staff at work, but in contrast at home, they are treated with a lack of respect. Does ego-stroking lead to affairs? Absolutely. Everyone enjoys a compliment; it would go a long way if spouses found ways to complement each other regularly.

16. Feeling Unappreciated

Some people fall into having an affair simply because they feel that they are not appreciated at home or that they are “doing all of the work” in keeping a marriage and home together. Again, questions to ask are these: Am I appreciative of my spouse? Am I being the “right person” for my spouse? If more people harbored a “servant’s” mindset for their spouse, more and more affairs and divorces could be avoided.

17. Issues Involving Body Image and Aging

Issues involving body image and weight gain as well as aging can, unfortunately, lead to an affair and or divorce. Some people will “trade-in” an aging spouse for a “younger” model. Of course, the point of this paragraph has nothing to do with unavoidable medical issues. But let’s face it. Many spouses tend to “let themselves go” over time. During the “romance” period, both spouses typically try to present themselves in the best possible light to “win” the affections and marriage commitment of the other. Once the prize (marriage) is won, many people think that “the chase is over.” Not so. Marriage is only the beginning. If people continued to consciously keep “chasing” their spouse, affairs and divorces could be avoided.

18. Esteem

You feel sleeping with others will improve your sense of self-worth, signal your independence or increase your social status and popularity.

19. Anger

You suspect or know your partner has betrayed you, so you want to get even. “The motivation is revenge,” Selterman said.

20. Insecurity

At the same time, too much insecurity can be one of the causes of infidelity in a marriage. The need for constant reaffirmation can lead to an affair, especially if one spouse becomes “too needy” or “too clingy.” It’s a delicate balance to find, but marriage requires nothing less than true and dedicated commitment.

21. Living Apart for Extended Periods of Time

Travel for work and living apart for extended periods of time invariably lead to affairs. Think of the movie Up in the Air with George Clooney. There, the female character carried on an affair with George Clooney’s character. George fell in love with her only to discover later that she was married and cheating on her husband with him.

22 Low commitment

This is oriented toward people’s definitions of exclusivity, Selterman said. “Some people say they never discussed being exclusive with their partner or ‘I didn’t want to get too close,’ or ‘I don’t envision a future with this person,’” he noted. “They’re in a relationship, but they haven’t specified that the commitment level is high or the exclusivity is there.”Excitement, forbidden fruit, boredom, opportunity, enticement, retaliation as you can see, the reasons why people have affairs are endless.

Men are more likely to have affairs than women and are often seeking more sex or attention. Men express their love in a more physical way they often don’t have the perfect “feeling words” for their wives. So sex becomes an important path to connection and intimacy.

If men aren’t sexually satisfied (for instance, if their spouse declines sex often), they take that rejection to heart, and it can easily translate to feeling “unloved.” In fact, men are more likely than women to cheat due to a feeling of insecurity.

When women cheat, they’re often trying to fill an emotional void.  Women frequently complain of disconnection from a spouse, and of the wish to be desired and cherished. Women are more likely to feel unappreciated or ignored, and seek the emotional intimacy of an extramarital relationship.

An affair is more often a “transitional” partner for the woman as a way to end the relationship. She is seriously looking to leave her marriage and this other person helps her do just that.

That’s not to say that sexual satisfaction isn’t a primary driver of affairs for wives as well as husbands. Similarly, boredom with the marital relationship may lead both men and women to cheat.

With or without individual or marital risk factors there are a number of possible reasons for marital infidelity. Underlying many of the reasons, however, lie a few threads. One is the role of unmet needs.

One partner may be incapable of fulfilling their partner’s needs, but far too often, those needs have not been expressed. Marital partners are not mind-readers. Another is the lack of addressing problems directly.

Content courtesy of Today, Very well mind, Divorce Mag & Nairobi fashion hub 

 

Keeping your vagina clean and healthy 5 Odour your vagina shouldn’t smell like 

Feminine odor is something all women deal with. And while it’s natural for your vagina to have some kind of smell, certain smells can signal something’s wrong.

Vaginal odor is the smell that your vagina and usually your discharge – gives off. A certain amount of vaginal odor is normal, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (ACOG). Vaginal smell variations are likely a result of your menstrual cycle, your hygiene habits, or just you being you.

Here are a few things that might cause your vagina’s natural scent to go awry:

1. Smelling like fish

A fish smell can indicate bacterial vaginosis. Several bacteria grow in your vagina. They are completely normal and keep the vagina healthy. Bacterial vaginosis is caused by an imbalance of different types of bacteria. It is helped by washing the vagina with soap, vaginal showers or sprays, holding down a tampon too long, antibiotics or an IUD.

Sometimes bacterial vaginosis has no symptoms. Other times it can lead to symptoms such as a thick or foaming discharge that is usually white or grey or yellowish, a strong smelly fish smell (especially after sex or washing with soap) and itching.

Reasons for a dead fish odor

  • Bacterial vaginosis. “You get bacterial vaginosis when there’s an overgrowth of anaerobic bacteria in the vagina,” says Minkin. “And these anaerobic organisms are odorous.”
  • Trichomoniasis. Trichomoniasis is the most common curable sexually transmitted infection and easily treatable with a course of antibiotics. It’s known for its pungent fishy odor. “The trichomoniasis infection can be quite smelly,” says Minkin. “It’s a more pronounced fishy odor than bacterial vaginosis.”

2. Yeast infection

This is a very common type of fungal infection and is caused by the overgrowth of a type of yeast known as candida. Shape says the most obvious symptom is the presence of a thick, white discharge that looks like cottage cheese. Other symptoms include redness and itching around the vaginal area, as well as a burning sensation or pain when you urinate or have sex. Even though yeast infections don’t come with a strong odour, there can sometimes also be a mild scent that resembles bread or yeast.

There are over-the-counter medications to treat this but, If it’s your first time getting a yeast infection, see your doctor first before you buy any medications, and if it doesn’t improve or keeps returning, get some advice from your doctor too.

Reasons for a sweet odor

  • Bacteria. Yep, bacteria again. Your vaginal pH is an ever-changing bacterial ecosystem. And sometimes this means you might smell a little sweet.

3. Your vagina smells like copper or metal

If you’re smelling a coppery smell, it’s could be tied to blood. Blood contains iron, which is responsible for the metallic smell. Teen Vogue says if you’re on your period, that could be the cause of the copper odour. Even if it’s not your period, you could be experiencing light bleeding from sex and that could be the culprit. A copper smell is no cause for alarm, unless you’re also experiencing itching, burning and/or suspicious discharge.

To treat it, try using a lubricant if you’re experiencing light bleeding related to intercourse; the additional moisture can help prevent small cuts or scrapes from forming in the vagina.

Reasons for a coppery odor

  • Blood. Blood contains iron, which has a metallic smell. The most common reason for blood is menstruation. During your period, blood and tissue shed from your uterine lining and travel through your vaginal canal.
  • Sex. Light bleeding after sex can be common. This is usually due to vaginal dryness or vigorous sex that can cause small cuts or scrapes. To prevent this, try using lube.

4. Smelling like fermented foods

Speaking to Healthline, Dr Mary Jane Minkin, who has more than 30 years of experience working in women’s health says, it’s very common for vaginas to produce a tangy or sour aroma. Some compare it to the smell of fermented foods. In fact, yoghurt, sourdough bread, and even some sour beer contain the same type of good bacteria that dominate most healthy vaginas: Lactobacilli.

The pH of a healthy vagina is slightly acidic, between 3.8 and 4.5. “The Lactobacilli bacteria keep the vagina acidic,” says Minkin. “This protects against an overgrowth of the bad kinds of bacteria.”

If it smells curiously similar to that sour IPA you had last weekend, don’t freak out.

Reasons for a tangy odor

  • Acidity. The pH of a healthy vagina is slightly acidic, between 3.8 and 4.5. “The Lactobacilli bacteria keep the vagina acidic,” says Minkin. “This protects against an overgrowth of the bad kinds of bacteria.”

5. Rotten like a decaying organism

You accidentally left a tampon in there, It happens  and probably more often than you’d think, Lauren Streicher, a professor of clinical obstetrics and genecology at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, tells SELF. Some people may put in a just-in-case tampon toward the end of their period and forget about it, don’t remember that they have one in before putting in a new one, or forget and have sex with one in and it gets pushed sideways into the back of cervix, she says. “Every gynaecologist has had the experience of a woman coming in with an odor, discovering it was a forgotten tampon, and feeling mortified,” she says.

Reasons for a rotten odor

  • A forgotten tampon. Inadvertently letting a tampon go days, even weeks, inside a vagina is much more common than you’d think. “I can’t tell you how many tampons I’ve taken out of patients,” says Minkin. “This happens to lots and lots of people. It isn’t something you need to be embarrassed about.”

When you should see a doctor

In general, abnormal odors should be easy to spot. They’re the ones that make your face scrunch up. Rotting fish, dead organism, decay — these are all red flag odors.

If there’s a serious cause, often other symptoms will appear alongside the smell.

See your doctor if an odor is accompanied with:

  • itching or burning
  • pain
  • pain during sex
  • thick, cottage cheese discharge
  • vaginal bleeding unrelated to your period

Smells change, and that’s OK

Subtle shifts in your vaginal fragrance is normal. Remember, the way your vagina smells has everything to do with its pH. And there are lots of things that affect your pH.

Take penile vaginal sex, for instance. Semen has a relatively high pH, so it’s super normal to notice a different kind of smell after you’ve had penile vaginal sex. Don’t worry though, this change is only temporary.

Menopause also has an effect on vaginal pH. “Due to a lack of estrogen, women in menopause end up with less vaginal mucosa,” says Minkin. “Vaginal mucosa lines the vagina and nurtures the Lactobacilli bacteria. So, without these cells you can end up with a much higher pH.”

Our advice? Don’t be afraid to really get to know your vagina, in all its fragrant glory. The better you understand the smells your vagina produces day to day, the more prepared you’ll be when something goes amiss. After all, vaginas do so many wonderful things for us. It’s about time we start understanding what they’re really all about.

Content courtesy of Health Line & Nairobi fashion hub 

Dating A Celibate

In life, you’re usually in a relationship, situationship, it’s complicated or single. Of course, sex is everywhere, so how does celibacy & sex co-exist.

It’s the first date, you can feel the rising heat, and sexual tension burning right in front of you.

It’s a struggle to look anywhere else for both you. He’s looking at you, like a cold milkshake on a hot day. You’re looking at him, like a tall dark coffee, no cream, no sugar.

However, you’re celibate for personal reasons, and this doesn’t shape your outlook. You still love doing normal stuff & hanging out with friends.

So a man is wondering, about how he can get to know you better but still cautious around you. Naturally, he cares but he’s very new to this.

So here are a few tips to help him out.

1. Don’t rationalize that it’s a phase of her life that will end soon instead respect her beliefs. 

2. Decide if you can survive in a sex-less relationship. If the temptation to cheat is too high, then just leave her. 

3. Communicate with him/her, and understand where they’re coming from. This will help you understand how long they plan on staying celibate. Is it till marriage or till a strong emotional connection happens?

4. Don’t try manipulating or pressurizing them into sleeping with you.

5. Don’t assume that they can’t care deeply & intensely just because they choose not to be intimate with you.

6. Don’t make assumptions about their past since celibacy can be practised by anyone regardless of experience.

7. You can still do fun stuff with them, don’t label them as boring and leave them.