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Monday 24th of June 2024

Nairobi, Kenya

Better Save Your Bond: Discover What to Do After an Affair to Prevent Your Relationship From Ending Because of Cheating

Your relationship will not end because of infidelity. Learn how to heal your relationship after an affair and overcome the pain of betrayal.
One of the worst heartaches ever results from infidelity. It is terribly painful to endure someone you liked and trusted betraying you. It’s the end of most relationships. A 37% divorce rate in the United States is attributed to cheating partners, according to a study.
There are many examples of partnerships reestablishing themselves after infidelity, though. This probably isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when you discover your boyfriend is cheating.
You must first process the hurt caused by infidelity and find closure. The next step is deciding whether or not to remain together.

Because of this, this article explains what to do following an affair, whether you were the one who cheated or the one who was cheated on.
It might be one of the more significant drivers for growth in a couple relationship that’s out there if you and your partner are getting together after the event and you do want to work this out and stay together.
According to relationship expert Jen Elmquist
If you seek treatment, it is totally possible to move past infidelity and develop as people.

What Does Cheating Even Mean?
You should be aware that cheating is not something that can be defined in a certain way. Of course, it differs between couples and even within individuals. Your partner might not view what you might view as unfaithful.
Furthermore, it extends beyond engaging in sexual activity with a person other than your committed partner or engaging in conduct that is considered to be sexual harassment. Cheating would appear differently in polygamous partnerships than it would in monogamous ones.

Therefore, it is crucial that you and your partner have open lines of communication on this. Make sure you are both speaking the same language.
The greatest method to prevent infidelity and affairs is to establish clear boundaries at the outset of the relationship and to maintain transparency throughout.

How Do You Handle an Affairs? The Top 5 Ways to Handle Infidelity Pain
If you’re unsure of what to do following an affair, consider these five strategies while deciding how to deal with the emotional agony.

1. Give your cheating partner some distance
Remove yourself from the distressing circumstance right away, and give yourself some space.
Moreover, allow yourself to cry as much as you need to process your feelings.
Do not, however, let your imagination run wild before hearing what the other party has to say.
All of your feelings, including rage, hurt, pain, and betrayal, are legitimate. Spend some time letting the situation settle in and accepting reality without acting.

Your first instinct may be to ask your partner to forgive you if you are the one who cheated. Recognize, however, that accepting anything is difficult for a sincere person.
Think about your partner’s feelings.
Be prepared for wrath and hostile conduct.

2. Consider Your Relationship – Recognize the Causes of Infidelity
Affair-having is not merely a Love vs. Lust issue. It’s not only that you’re attracted to someone other than your partner. Understandably, infidelity is fraught with difficulties. Extramarital relationships are fairly frequent.
Understanding the cause of the affair is the first step in dealing with it. Understanding is the essential word here since infidelity brings to light the core issues in your relationship.
Infidelity can be caused by a variety of things, most of which are not sexual in nature.
Typical explanations include:

  • Anger and marital problems
  • Alcohol, drugs, gambling, addiction to sex
  • Also, mental health issues including bipolar disorder, learning disabilities, ADD, anxiety,
  • depression, and others
  • Moreover, physical health issues like disability and chronic pain
  • Breakdown of communication-related to relationship and emotional needs
  • Loss of caring and fondness for each other
  • Besides, the lack of affection

Have you neglected your spouse?
You have neglected your married life, which is bad for your relationship.
Even if these things are small, they have a big impact on a marriage.

3. Determine whether to save your marriage after adultery.
Making the choice to keep your relationship from disintegrating after an affair is one of the most crucial things you’ll need to accomplish.
Unmarried couples may find it simpler to stop their relationship, but married couples may find it more difficult, especially if they have children. Think about what is at risk, such as your emotional health, your children’s future, your financial stability, etc.
It goes without saying that these aspects are crucial in determining what to do following an affair.
You might also come to the conclusion that in some situations, divorce is a preferable choice.

4. Promote open communication with your partner and exercise tolerance.
Whatever you choose, you must demonstrate compassion and empathetic behavior.
The secret to overcoming the pain of infidelity is to have open communication with your partner. If you choose to break up with your lover, try to work out the problem before you go. The right conclusion.
Discuss the reasons for the affair with your partner, as well as any possible preventative measures. Identify the issues in your relationship that led to this result as well. Try to avoid passing judgment.

5. Establish New Limits and Re-Establish the Relationship on Your Terms
Keep your self-worth intact as you go through the stages of recovery after an affair. You must uphold your ideals and convictions in order to do this.
To your partner, make this extremely clear.
The cheating partner will be eager to cooperate with you if they are sorry and genuinely want to get back together.

How Can You Save Your Marriage After Infidelity? Six Ways to Get Over an Affair’s Aftermath
How can your marriage be fixed?
One of the most difficult things is recovering from the affair. After this issue, you need to bounce back and support your marriage.
Extramarital affairs are the main factor weakening the foundation of a marriage.
On the other hand, most marriages grow stronger and endure if both couples are dedicated to genuine recovery following an affair.
If you’re unsure of how to heal your marriage after having an affair, think about adopting these actions.

1. Accountability can help rebuild trust following an incident
If you cheat, accept responsibility for your actions.
Despite how difficult it could be, it is crucial. Without a question, you need to sever the relationship and halt any contact with the person.
You should minimize communication if you had an affair with a coworker.
Additionally, strive to alter the way you interact with people at work.

2. If you are sincere, stop cheating.
Most people find it quite difficult to end a relationship suddenly.
If you don’t abruptly end your marriage, it won’t survive. As a result, you shouldn’t carry on with your adultery. Although it seems easy, you’d be shocked at how challenging it is for some people to stop the relationship.
Those who cheat in their first relationship are three times more likely to cheat again, claims a study. Stop offering weak justifications. Don’t explain away your adultery. Cheating is not justified in any way.
Therefore, you cannot reestablish trust if you continue to lie and cheat on your relationship.

3. The cheating partner should feel regret about their actions.
Take full responsibility for what happened if your infidelity caused your partner to lose faith in you.
Try to comprehend the harm your actions have caused to your spouse. Additionally, following an affair, don’t try to hide your error or act defensively.
Additionally, it would be beneficial if you avoided developing negative self-talk.
Admit your error in front of your partner and begin to rebuild your trust. Don’t hold your partner or others responsible for this mess.

4. Exercise Caution When Involving Friends and Family
It could be cathartic for the betrayed partner to vent to all of their friends about how they were wronged.
But it can end up being the biggest barrier to getting over infidelity.
Because different people will have different viewpoints, you should be cautious about who you include in this situation. They could make you feel guilty for forgiving your lover and carrying on the relationship.

5. After an affair, seek professional assistance and couple’s therapy
It is a smart idea to seek expert guidance with the aid of a counselor. So, in addition to individual counseling, you should think about couple therapy. It is crucial to provide your partner with relaxation because they are now experiencing mental turmoil. Your counselor can complete this duty more effectively.

You are unquestionably experiencing trauma. You should seek the counsel of a qualified therapist if you want to get rid of this stress and tension. They are aware of the psychological underpinnings of adultery and the feelings involved. Additionally, they know how to deal with these negative emotions and continue living your life.

It goes without saying that getting professional help is crucial and advantageous for your relationship. You might also require couples treatment that is emotionally focused.

6. Try to rekindle your relationship with your partner.
One of the most crucial phases of getting over an affair is reconnecting.
The moment your lover stopped lying to you, you might have forgiven them, However, the relationship will end again if you both don’t get back in touch and fall in love.
Rekindle the first flame of love for this. Live as if you’ve only recently begun dating, Do kind deeds for one another. Make weekend getaways and dates with your partner, Together, try out new things. Your partner needs more of your focus.
Therefore, in order to save your relationship and keep your trust, it is time to act with love and care.

How Much Time Does It Take to Get Over an Affairs?
Well, that depends on how you and your partner get along mentally.
The severity of the emotional harm also differs from relationship to couple. The ability to get past this situation is equally important.
Couples may need months or even years to recover from infidelity. Others, though, even when they remain together, never really recover from it.
According to some experts, recovering after an affair takes longer than recovering from a breakup.
The recovery period should be brief if you have kids so as not to interfere with their daily activities.

Conclusion:
Although most people don’t know what to do after an affair, they don’t want to end their relationship or get divorced. Avoiding infidelity and lying to your partner is crucial if you want to keep your relationship.
Additionally, the elements of a stronger and happier connection are trust and love. Improve your communication, and pay attention to one another.
As a result, all of these strategies and recommendations will be very beneficial to you as you strengthen your connection.

Content courtesy of Spoila Mag & NFH Digital Team 

Why Do Women Cheat?

In the past, there have been more significant differences in the reasons why men cheat and why women cheat, with men cheating more for sexual variety and women cheating more because of relationship dissatisfaction. But nowadays, that gender gap in infidelity is closing: Men and women cheat for many of the same reasons and at similar rates.

Take, for instance, a research study out of The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, which surveyed 918 men and women with an average age of 31 and found that “there were no significant gender differences in the report of infidelity (23% of men vs. 19% of women).”  Then there’s the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey (GSS), which found that women between the ages of 18 and 29 were more likely to cheat than men of the same age group (11% vs. 10%). Further data out of the GSS showed that the percentage of women who cheat rose nearly 40% from 1990 to 2010, while men’s adultery rate held steady at 21%.

The reason for the uptick in women who cheat? Some attribute it to the increased responsibilities (and therefore increased needs and wants) of the modern woman, as they shoulder the traditionally female duties of housekeeping and child-rearing along with the added demands of a career.

Empowered by feminist viewpoints and financial freedom, modern women are less likely to compromise and better positioned to seek out the emotional and sexual gratification that’s missing in their relationship. “Women want what they were supposed to get from marriage in the 1950s house, kids, stability, security,” says Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW. “They also want to be loved, respected, and desired, and for their partners to be interested in and to care about their thoughts, feelings, and ideas.”

The question still remains: Why do women cheat? Read on for 10 common reasons why women cheat, plus expert insight that may help explain the motivation behind their behavior. Of course, every situation is unique, but these explanations may help you better understand the mindset of women who cheat.

Here are 15 reasons that may lead a woman to cheat:

1. Dealing With Low Self-Esteem

When a woman is struggling with low self-worth, it may spur them to look to external sources for the attention and validation that they and their partner are unable to create and sustain. A woman who cheats may rely on affairs to provide them with proof of their value or desirability, or to give their life meaning. When one fling ends, it may cause them to feel neglected or worthless, so they pursue a new romantic interest and the cycle continues.

2. Feel Emotionally Starved

While studies suggest that men who cheat are primarily motivated by sex, women who cheat tend to do so to fill an emotional need. And in the case of an emotional affair, sex isn’t part of the equation at all. Whether the affair is physical or emotional in nature, a woman may cheat because they crave conversation, empathy, respect, devotion, adoration, support, or some other connection that’s lacking in their current relationship.

3. Expressing Anger and Retribution

Some women enter into a relationship with an idealized image of how their spouse should behave as a parent, a partner, a professional, or some other role. When the partner falls short of expectations, it can create a divide in the relationship that provides the impetus to stray.

“Some women expect their partner to meet their every need and desire (even when they don’t bother to share what those needs and desires are),” says Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW. “When their partner inevitably fails them, these women will sometimes turn to someone else.” Some women may resent their partner for another reason, such as a partner’s past affair, and use their own infidelity as retaliation.

4. Craving Excitement

You’ve likely heard of the term serial cheaters people who cheat for the thrill of it. Women can be thrill-seekers, too. They may love their S.O. but yearn for those endorphin-fueled interactions that make a new relationship so exciting.

In fact, in a study helmed by Eric Anderson, the chief science officer at the affair dating website AshleyMadison.com, it was found that 67% of heterosexual, married women who cheat sought out “romantic passion,” yet 100% of the women denied any intention of leaving their husbands; some even “stated their overt love for their husbands, painting them in a positive light.”

5. Feel Sexually Deprived

Try as we might to keep the spark alive, the excitement that accompanies a new relationship only lasts so long. “The most predictable thing about a relationship is that, the longer it progresses, the quality and the frequency of sex between the couple will fade,” continues Anderson. “This is because we get used to and bored of the same body.”

It’s not surprising, then, that some women who cheat are missing those thrilling hallmarks of a relationship’s beginning stages when passion and intrigue have yet to give way to routine and familiarity.

6. Lonely

A woman who cheats may have a partner who works long hours, leaving them home with the kids all day. Perhaps they’ve found themselves in a stage in life when it’s harder to make friends, or maybe their S.O. is contending with a chronic illness.

Whatever the reason, loneliness can cause us to “distort our perceptions such that we view ourselves, our lives, and our relationships more negatively which in turn, influences our behavior in damaging ways,” notes Guy Winch Ph.D. This can lead a woman to cheat, as these feelings of isolation and disengagement cause them to look for companionship outside of their primary relationship.

7. Lack a Secure Attachment Style

Attachment theory suggests that early childhood relationships influence how we perceive and behave in our intimate relationships as adults. Depending on the care and nurturing (or lack thereof) that one receives as a child, they’ll fall into one of three attachment styles as adults: secure (having well-adjusted expectations and approaches to relationships), anxious (exhibiting fear of abandonment), or avoidant (preferring to retain their independence from others).

Women who identify with the latter two “insecure” attachment styles are more likely to display characteristics think clinginess and dismissiveness that interfere with a healthy romantic relationship. Moreover, they’re more likely to cheat, as they seek out reassurance from a third-party partner or attempt to avoid the intimacy of the primary relationship.

8. Going Through a Mid-Life Crisis

While mid-life crises generally affect people between the ages of 35 and 60, the event, which often presents as a period of existential self-evaluation, has less to do with age than extenuating circumstances. Major life events, such as the death of a parent or a milestone birthday, may trigger a mid-life crisis in a woman, causing them to wrestle with the burden of greatness; that is, the socio-cultural expectation that women can and should “have it all” a successful career, a loving partner, adoring children, and so on.

“Events that make you change your viewpoint about yourself or life, that exhilarate and expand you or throw you a little off-balance, can lead to seizing a new love or trying another man on for size,” notes Carol Botwin her book Tempted Women: The Passions, Perils, and Agonies of Female InfidelityA woman may act out of character as they attempt to realize their potential and make up for a lost time. These actions can include infidelity, as a woman who cheats goes outside their primary relationship in search of happiness and personal fulfillment.

9. Contending With an Underlying Condition

According to Joel Block, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychology at Hofstra Northwell School of Medicine, depression, and infidelity go hand in hand. “An affair is exciting, so much so that the brain can begin to pump out dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin neurotransmitters we produce when we’re attracted to someone, but which, not so coincidentally, are the same chemicals produced when we take antidepressants,” he says.

In other words, a woman who cheats is self-medicating through their infidelity, even if they don’t realize the true reason behind their pleasure.

10. Opportunity Arose

Very few acts of infidelity are premeditated, asserts Isadora Alman, board-certified sex, marriage, and family therapist with more than 35 years’ worth of professional experience. ” Those who cheat do so usually because they weren’t actively looking for it,” she says. “The opportunity was there with a workmate, a classmate, someone in their social circle or at the gym, for instance.”

Similar opportunities exist in the digital realm, too. Social media, dating apps, and texting have revolutionized the ease at which we can connect with others, so it’s no surprise that these platforms often serve as a springboard for affairs even if the interactions start innocently, without the intent of something illicit. What’s more, women are generally more active on social media than men (although men are starting to close the gap).

11. Women cheat for sex

“Women appreciate good sex just like anyone else,” Nelson says. “Women cheat when they find a man or woman that turns them on.” If anyone tells you men cheat for sex and women cheat for emotion, she adds, they’re wrong. A recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that, although men are still more likely to cheat for sexual variety, it’s still among the top three reasons women cheat.

12. Unhappy with their current relationship

The same study found another top reason women cheat is that they’ve fallen out of love with their current primary partner. Even if the love is still there, in general, a woman who’s unhappy in her relationship may be more inclined to cheat. Whether because of anger, home, financial problems, family trouble the list goes on they may feel cheating will offer them what their current relationship isn’t.

“Women cheat because the relationship at home is cooling off,” Nelson says. “If there is tension or boredom at home, excitement on the side can be a distraction, a temptation too great to avoid.”

13. The new person made them feel special

Sometimes people cheat because the new person gave them a new feeling or made them feel like someone else. “Women report that an affair lover makes them feel special, sexy, and adored, and that attention is hard to ignore, no matter what their spouse does at home,” Nelson says.

14. It was just a mistake

The third top reason for women cheating, according to the study? It was just situational. Things like being drunk and “not thinking clearly.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes, affairs happen because of opportunity,” Nelson adds. “Women can act impulsively and then regret it.” In other words, it’s entirely possible there isn’t much deeper meaning aside from an opportunity that they weren’t able to pass up at the moment.

15. They want a breakup or a change

Sometimes people cheat because they want their relationship to end, and cheating seems like an easier way to break it than to directly confront their partner. But Nelson also points out that sometimes people cheat because they want something in their current relationship to change: “Women cheat to get out of a marriage, or to stay in one,” she says.

Who cheats more men or women?

Research suggests that men are more likely to cheat in committed relationships. One 2016 study suggests that on average, 20% of men have cheated versus 13% of women. Interestingly, women in the 18-29 age group actually cheated slightly more than men. Though as the years go on, fewer women cheat while more men cheat, and the gap gets wider over time.

Content courtesy of Bed Bible, My Domaine, Mind Body Green & Nairobi fashion hub