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Thursday 29th of September 2022

Nairobi, Kenya

Why Do Women Cheat?

In the past, there have been more significant differences in the reasons why men cheat and why women cheat, with men cheating more for sexual variety and women cheating more because of relationship dissatisfaction. But nowadays, that gender gap in infidelity is closing: Men and women cheat for many of the same reasons and at similar rates.

Take, for instance, a research study out of The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, which surveyed 918 men and women with an average age of 31 and found that “there were no significant gender differences in the report of infidelity (23% of men vs. 19% of women).”  Then there’s the National Opinion Research Center’s General Social Survey (GSS), which found that women between the ages of 18 and 29 were more likely to cheat than men of the same age group (11% vs. 10%). Further data out of the GSS showed that the percentage of women who cheat rose nearly 40% from 1990 to 2010, while men’s adultery rate held steady at 21%.

The reason for the uptick in women who cheat? Some attribute it to the increased responsibilities (and therefore increased needs and wants) of the modern woman, as they shoulder the traditionally female duties of housekeeping and child-rearing along with the added demands of a career.

Empowered by feminist viewpoints and financial freedom, modern women are less likely to compromise and better positioned to seek out the emotional and sexual gratification that’s missing in their relationship. “Women want what they were supposed to get from marriage in the 1950s house, kids, stability, security,” says Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW. “They also want to be loved, respected, and desired, and for their partners to be interested in and to care about their thoughts, feelings, and ideas.”

The question still remains: Why do women cheat? Read on for 10 common reasons why women cheat, plus expert insight that may help explain the motivation behind their behavior. Of course, every situation is unique, but these explanations may help you better understand the mindset of women who cheat.

Here are 15 reasons that may lead a woman to cheat:

1. Dealing With Low Self-Esteem

When a woman is struggling with low self-worth, it may spur them to look to external sources for the attention and validation that they and their partner are unable to create and sustain. A woman who cheats may rely on affairs to provide them with proof of their value or desirability, or to give their life meaning. When one fling ends, it may cause them to feel neglected or worthless, so they pursue a new romantic interest and the cycle continues.

2. Feel Emotionally Starved

While studies suggest that men who cheat are primarily motivated by sex, women who cheat tend to do so to fill an emotional need. And in the case of an emotional affair, sex isn’t part of the equation at all. Whether the affair is physical or emotional in nature, a woman may cheat because they crave conversation, empathy, respect, devotion, adoration, support, or some other connection that’s lacking in their current relationship.

3. Expressing Anger and Retribution

Some women enter into a relationship with an idealized image of how their spouse should behave as a parent, a partner, a professional, or some other role. When the partner falls short of expectations, it can create a divide in the relationship that provides the impetus to stray.

“Some women expect their partner to meet their every need and desire (even when they don’t bother to share what those needs and desires are),” says Robert Weiss Ph.D., MSW. “When their partner inevitably fails them, these women will sometimes turn to someone else.” Some women may resent their partner for another reason, such as a partner’s past affair, and use their own infidelity as retaliation.

4. Craving Excitement

You’ve likely heard of the term serial cheaters people who cheat for the thrill of it. Women can be thrill-seekers, too. They may love their S.O. but yearn for those endorphin-fueled interactions that make a new relationship so exciting.

In fact, in a study helmed by Eric Anderson, the chief science officer at the affair dating website AshleyMadison.com, it was found that 67% of heterosexual, married women who cheat sought out “romantic passion,” yet 100% of the women denied any intention of leaving their husbands; some even “stated their overt love for their husbands, painting them in a positive light.”

5. Feel Sexually Deprived

Try as we might to keep the spark alive, the excitement that accompanies a new relationship only lasts so long. “The most predictable thing about a relationship is that, the longer it progresses, the quality and the frequency of sex between the couple will fade,” continues Anderson. “This is because we get used to and bored of the same body.”

It’s not surprising, then, that some women who cheat are missing those thrilling hallmarks of a relationship’s beginning stages when passion and intrigue have yet to give way to routine and familiarity.

6. Lonely

A woman who cheats may have a partner who works long hours, leaving them home with the kids all day. Perhaps they’ve found themselves in a stage in life when it’s harder to make friends, or maybe their S.O. is contending with a chronic illness.

Whatever the reason, loneliness can cause us to “distort our perceptions such that we view ourselves, our lives, and our relationships more negatively which in turn, influences our behavior in damaging ways,” notes Guy Winch Ph.D. This can lead a woman to cheat, as these feelings of isolation and disengagement cause them to look for companionship outside of their primary relationship.

7. Lack a Secure Attachment Style

Attachment theory suggests that early childhood relationships influence how we perceive and behave in our intimate relationships as adults. Depending on the care and nurturing (or lack thereof) that one receives as a child, they’ll fall into one of three attachment styles as adults: secure (having well-adjusted expectations and approaches to relationships), anxious (exhibiting fear of abandonment), or avoidant (preferring to retain their independence from others).

Women who identify with the latter two “insecure” attachment styles are more likely to display characteristics think clinginess and dismissiveness that interfere with a healthy romantic relationship. Moreover, they’re more likely to cheat, as they seek out reassurance from a third-party partner or attempt to avoid the intimacy of the primary relationship.

8. Going Through a Mid-Life Crisis

While mid-life crises generally affect people between the ages of 35 and 60, the event, which often presents as a period of existential self-evaluation, has less to do with age than extenuating circumstances. Major life events, such as the death of a parent or a milestone birthday, may trigger a mid-life crisis in a woman, causing them to wrestle with the burden of greatness; that is, the socio-cultural expectation that women can and should “have it all” a successful career, a loving partner, adoring children, and so on.

“Events that make you change your viewpoint about yourself or life, that exhilarate and expand you or throw you a little off-balance, can lead to seizing a new love or trying another man on for size,” notes Carol Botwin her book Tempted Women: The Passions, Perils, and Agonies of Female InfidelityA woman may act out of character as they attempt to realize their potential and make up for a lost time. These actions can include infidelity, as a woman who cheats goes outside their primary relationship in search of happiness and personal fulfillment.

9. Contending With an Underlying Condition

According to Joel Block, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychology at Hofstra Northwell School of Medicine, depression, and infidelity go hand in hand. “An affair is exciting, so much so that the brain can begin to pump out dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin neurotransmitters we produce when we’re attracted to someone, but which, not so coincidentally, are the same chemicals produced when we take antidepressants,” he says.

In other words, a woman who cheats is self-medicating through their infidelity, even if they don’t realize the true reason behind their pleasure.

10. Opportunity Arose

Very few acts of infidelity are premeditated, asserts Isadora Alman, board-certified sex, marriage, and family therapist with more than 35 years’ worth of professional experience. ” Those who cheat do so usually because they weren’t actively looking for it,” she says. “The opportunity was there with a workmate, a classmate, someone in their social circle or at the gym, for instance.”

Similar opportunities exist in the digital realm, too. Social media, dating apps, and texting have revolutionized the ease at which we can connect with others, so it’s no surprise that these platforms often serve as a springboard for affairs even if the interactions start innocently, without the intent of something illicit. What’s more, women are generally more active on social media than men (although men are starting to close the gap).

11. Women cheat for sex

“Women appreciate good sex just like anyone else,” Nelson says. “Women cheat when they find a man or woman that turns them on.” If anyone tells you men cheat for sex and women cheat for emotion, she adds, they’re wrong. A recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that, although men are still more likely to cheat for sexual variety, it’s still among the top three reasons women cheat.

12. Unhappy with their current relationship

The same study found another top reason women cheat is that they’ve fallen out of love with their current primary partner. Even if the love is still there, in general, a woman who’s unhappy in her relationship may be more inclined to cheat. Whether because of anger, home, financial problems, family trouble the list goes on they may feel cheating will offer them what their current relationship isn’t.

“Women cheat because the relationship at home is cooling off,” Nelson says. “If there is tension or boredom at home, excitement on the side can be a distraction, a temptation too great to avoid.”

13. The new person made them feel special

Sometimes people cheat because the new person gave them a new feeling or made them feel like someone else. “Women report that an affair lover makes them feel special, sexy, and adored, and that attention is hard to ignore, no matter what their spouse does at home,” Nelson says.

14. It was just a mistake

The third top reason for women cheating, according to the study? It was just situational. Things like being drunk and “not thinking clearly.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes, affairs happen because of opportunity,” Nelson adds. “Women can act impulsively and then regret it.” In other words, it’s entirely possible there isn’t much deeper meaning aside from an opportunity that they weren’t able to pass up at the moment.

15. They want a breakup or a change

Sometimes people cheat because they want their relationship to end, and cheating seems like an easier way to break it than to directly confront their partner. But Nelson also points out that sometimes people cheat because they want something in their current relationship to change: “Women cheat to get out of a marriage, or to stay in one,” she says.

Who cheats more men or women?

Research suggests that men are more likely to cheat in committed relationships. One 2016 study suggests that on average, 20% of men have cheated versus 13% of women. Interestingly, women in the 18-29 age group actually cheated slightly more than men. Though as the years go on, fewer women cheat while more men cheat, and the gap gets wider over time.

Content courtesy of My Domaine, Mind Body Green & Nairobi fashion hub

 

What are Multiple orgasms and how do you get them

The orgasm is widely regarded as the peak of sexual excitement. It is a powerful feeling of physical pleasure and sensation, which includes a discharge of accumulated erotic tension.

Overall though, not a great deal is known about the orgasm, and over the past century, theories about the orgasm and its nature have shifted dramatically. For instance, healthcare experts have only relatively recently come round to the idea of the female orgasm, with many doctors as recently as the 1970s claiming that it was normal for women not to experience them.

Numerous  studies have proven that women get the short end of the stick when it comes to orgasms in heterosexual relationships, with men having nearly double as many orgasms as women do.

Nobody is at fault here, men and women are just built differently, and it seems the evolutionary cards are quite heavily stacked against the female orgasm.

The Orgasm Gap is a real thing, people, and it’s not going to change any time soon.

There is one bright shining light at the end of the tunnel for us women, though. We can have multiple orgasms.

What are multiple orgasms?

Multiple orgasms can be defined as having more than one orgasm in a single session. These can be spaced out over some time, happen one right after the other, or it might feel like you’re having a wave of continuous orgasms during the entire session.

Although some men claim to be able to have multiple orgasms, this is an almost exclusively female ability. During the refractory period (the time between an orgasm and when you feel sexually aroused again), men are unable to get an erection, which is needed to reach orgasm.

Women, on the other hand, don’t need an erection to reach orgasm and therefore have a much shorter refractory period. In short, women were built to have multiple orgasms.

Some more good news

If you have a vagina and a clitoris, there is more than a 70% chance that you are capable of having multiple orgasms, compared to only 10% of men in their early twenties.

Of that 70%, most are be able to come anywhere between 2 and 5 times per session from different types of stimulation, and the fortunate ones get to have up to 30 or 40 orgasms (I suppose you start losing count after about 20).

The unofficial world record for most orgasms in an hour was set when doctors at the Centre for Marital and Sexual Studies in California recorded the case of an anonymous woman having an unbelievable 134 orgasms in an hour. In comparison, the best any male has been able to achieve is a meagre 16.

So you want to have multiple orgasms? I don’t blame you. Orgasms are pretty amazing.

Here are a few things you could try

Foreplay

It’s a well-known fact that women need a lot more foreplay than men to get fully aroused, so make sure you take your time. Apart from sex toys, oral sex is your best bet if you’re looking to have multiple orgasms as most women require clitoral stimulation to push them over the edge.

You don’t necessarily have to reach orgasm during foreplay, just make sure you take it slow, and you will stay aroused for longer.

Your orgasms will also be much more intense.

Switch positions after every orgasm

After your first orgasm, your clitoris will be sensitive, and even though you have a much shorter refractory period, it still needs a little break. You can do this by switching to a position that focuses more on internal stimulation.

Just be sure to keep checking in on your clitoris, you’ll be surprised how swiftly you’ll be ready for that second orgasm.

Strengthen your pelvic floor

Many books have been written about the benefits of Kegel exercises. Stronger pelvic floor muscles have many benefits such as better bladder control and of course increased sensation during sex. Regular Kegel exercises will also further reduce your refractory period, leading to more orgasms. Not a bad trade-off for a couple of minutes of training per day.

Masturbate more

The best way to explore and learn about your body is by doing it yourself. You probably already know how to make yourself come once, now start giving yourself multiple orgasms. Instead of high-fiving yourself or falling asleep after your first orgasm, begin playing again as soon as your first orgasm starts fading away.

You may have to decrease the stimulation a bit or focus on a different area, but don’t stop. Slowly increase the intensity as your arousal builds up again until you reach climax again. The key is to keep the stimulation going; you’ll be riding a wave of continuous orgasms in no time.

Use toys

Almost every woman I have ever spoken to find it easier to come with a sex toy than with a partner. If you have a toy with multiple settings, it’s a great way to switch up the sensations, and if you require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm (like 99% of all women), a trusty rabbit or bullet vibrator is exactly what you need.

Pro tip: They’re also convenient when your partner requires a bit of a break, so please teach them how to use it.

 

Things the Most Toxic People in Your Life Have in Common

Do you know a toxic person?

Even if you don’t now, at some point in your life you’re bound to have come across a person who fits the description. Dealing with such an individual can be difficult and draining, to say the least. In fact, it may challenge what you know about yourself and push you to the limits. Here are some traits to familiarize yourself with, and to help you navigate these trying relationships:

  1. Toxic people are manipulative. Their modus operandi is to get people to do what they want them to do. It’s all about them. They use other people to accomplish whatever their goal happens to be. Forget what you want; this is not about equality in a relationship far from it.
  2. They are judgmental. Keep your eyes and ears open for criticism about you, what you’ve done, and what you didn’t do. It’s never about them, and they will lie if it serves them.
  3. They take no responsibility for their own feelings. Rather, their feelings are projected onto you. If you try to point this out to them, they will likely vehemently defend their perspective, and take no responsibility for almost anything they do.
  4. They don’t apologize. They don’t see any reason to, because things are always someone else’s fault. In many instances, although they try to orchestrate relationships to serve their own ends, they try to gain sympathy and attention by claiming “victim” status.
  5. They are inconsistent. It’s hard to know who you’re with at any given time because they are often not the same person. They may change their perspective, attitude, and behavior depending on what they feel they need to accomplish or what they want to have happen. (And they know how to be kind when they want something from you.
  6. They make you prove yourself to them. Toxic people make you choose them over someone else, or something they want over something you want. Often, this turns into a “divide and conquer” dynamic in which the only choice is them, even to the point of requiring you to cut off other meaningful relationships to satisfy them.
  7. They make you defend yourself. They have difficulty staying on point about certain issues, probably because they’re not interested in your point of view or trying to reach an amicable conclusion. Remember, they are supreme manipulators: Their tactics may include being vague and arbitrary, as well as diverting the focus of the discussion to how you’re discussing an issue your tone, your words, etc. They focus on problems, not solutions.
  8. They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you. In fact, the good things that happen to you move the attention away from them and thwart them from focusing on their own goals. Beware of people who find fault with you and make you wrong. Loyalty is foreign to them.

The traits of toxic people can be very hard to identify, particularly with the rise of anonymity on the internet. When is somebody just kind of a bad influence, and when are they truly toxic?

When is somebody just in a bad mood, or not dealing with stress well, or just toxic? Is there any way to truly recognize toxic traits in the people around you? Psychologists have been trying to find the answers to these questions for a long time.

Content courtesy Psychology Today & Learning Mind 

 

This Is Why Men Always Come Back

Yes, in some cases, a man returns because he regrets losing you, but it’s important to remember how and why the relationship ended in the first place. It makes no sense to allow him back into your life when you’ve spent most of the relationship uncertain as to how much you mean to him. You’re reading this for a reason, you’re here in this moment with me for a reason, and I hope you understand that you deserve so much more. I want you to be happy, that’s all.

Apparently, he’s either bored with the person he initially left you for and or the person is no longer interested in him. When men leave all of a sudden, it is usually because they’ve taken an interest in someone new. Here’s something a lot of women don’t know.

Men use a relationship as a point of ownership, and even when the relationship ends for whatever reason, that man will add your name to a list of names of women he’s been with. He will then reference that list to see who he still controls emotionally. You remove your name from that list by refusing to allow him back into your life.

He’s testing you to see if it is indeed possible to abandon you and return whenever he wants to. He’s priming you for an extended roller-coaster of emotions. If he knows that he can hurt you, disrespect you, neglect you, then leave and decide when he’ll return, then he’ll most definitely continue to do it in hopes of continually breaking you down. The more you let him back in, the harder it is for you to move on.

He notices that you appear to be doing better and may believe that you’re beginning to move on. This belief prompts him to reach out in fear. When you successfully move on, it’ll make it harder for him to return.

He sees that you are happy without him, and his ego is damaged. This will often cause him to reach out in hopes of trying to dictate your emotions to strengthen his ego.

Content courtesy of Nairobi fashion hub Online Digital Team

Why Dating Matters

Nowadays, we live our lives online, and dating doesn’t matter.

Anything can be sorted in a second because we live in a digital world. Alex doesn’t need to wait near a telephone for Cynthia to call him at exactly 3 pm on Friday.

John Doe spotted Jane Doe twerking on Instagram and DMed her for her other social media pages. Then, they flirted on Twitter with cute emoticons, before Skyping their love away and getting engaged on Facebook in front of his close friends and families.

So John can’t understand why Jane wants physical dates now.

His mind keeps wondering: Why hustle so hard?  Can’t she ask him instead? Why put himself out there? Will the boys make fun over him because he’s pining over his crush? What if he’s crush says no? Isn’t dating overrated? What if she only wants me for A or B? Why bother if they’ll still break up, anyway? Why do face to face conversations matter so much when I can text her instead? Don’t all words matter.

So here’s a small list looking at why dating still matters.

IT ACTS AS A FILTER

Adam sees the most beautiful women, every day, on his way to work, but he’s never spoken to her. Instead, he fantasizes that she’s probably the muse of his dreams. Adam asks her out on a date to see his emotions are running wild or if there’s something valid there. It’ll also help him separate the wheat from the chaff.

IT SETS A PACE

Lisa likes taking things nice and slow because why rush perfection. She doesn’t like people that try to speed up the whole dating process. It feels like they have something to hide. So during dating, she can set the pace.

IT SETS GROUND RULES

Stacy has pet peeves that she can’t overlook and she’d rather stay on her own. As she goes out on her second, or third date, she’s able to communicate this, freely and it gives the other person, an opportunity to decide if they still want to pursue Stacy or not.

IT HELPS DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Tom isn’t looking for a typical relationship, and he’s not afraid to say it. Instead, he’s looking for something experimental, like ‘She’s Gotta Have It.’ Diana has been meditating and praying, about dating with a purpose. She realises about Tom and instantly understands that they’re incompatible.

IT ACTS A MIRROR

Lulu knows that by going out with James, she’ll learn something new about herself. It’ll feel like she’s staring at her reflection, in a vulnerable way.

IT ACTS AS A BASIS FOR A RELATIONSHIP

Alternatively, James can build a solid foundation through each shared experience with his partners. It lets both of them understand each other, plus build trust and intimacy.

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